(Closed) A note to bridesmaids

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

If she’s in med school, and shes asks her professor to miss a test because of a wedding, the professor is going to laugh in her face. Sorry.  It wasn’t too brilliant of anyone in grad/med school to promise you a Friday that far in advance, but whats done is done at this point – I doubt she did it to be a “bitch” – but yeah, being in a wedding doesn’t count as an excuse to get out of an exam at that level of academia. Hell, I had to retake a whole course because I missed one test for my own grandmothers funeral. Sorry – it does suck and is stressful, but hopefully she’ll make it on time to get there just in time, or enjoy most of the wedding?

 

Post # 4
Member
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Why did they tell you?

Because in case they cant work it out you would have had some warning and time to get used the the idea they may be late etc. Or to help them figure out a fix. IE they can’t make the pictures, you can still have most of them done and reserve 20 minutes later for more. that kind of thing.

I think with the stress of the wedding you are seeing this as more than it is. They are just keeping you in the loop. They are not trying to stress you out.

Post # 7
Member
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@ninjachc:  grad school/med school either way – at that level the attendance policy is usually mandotory except for deaths in the immediate family or severe illness – not weddings.  Like I said, in that position, they probably shouldn’t have promised you a Friday.  But as PP said, better they give you a heads up now than the week before the wedding, right?

Post # 8
Member
1304 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think you are being unreasonable.  The reason most weddings are not scheduled on Fridays is because there is potential for it to cause huge inconvenience to the guests.

I agree with the PP that they were silly to tell you it wouldn’t be a problem, but I think you are being silly to assume that nothing might come up, especially if you set your date before their fall semester began.  And especially for the med student, eeeek!  Med school is not exactly known for its flexible schedule.

Post # 9
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I see what you’re saying. It seems like they could try to resolve the schedule on their own first and only come to you if there was an unresolvable conflict. I guess they just wanted to keep you informed and didn’t realize that it would add to your stress level.

Post # 10
Member
986 posts
Busy bee

@ElbieKay: +1 to not scheduling weddings on a Friday for this reason.

Also, OP, you said yourself that you were asking them about the date BEFORE they had their schedules. So unfortunately, though you gave it a great effort, it just didn’t work out in the best way possible. I would say at this point to hope that they can make it work and if not, enjoy their presence at the reception. Is there any moving around you can do to make the photos later for them to be included? Just a thought! Best of luck!!

ETA: I do understand your frustration, though, I would be disappointed too. 🙁

Post # 11
Member
1652 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

OP has every right to be upset as she asked them BEFORE she booked a Friday and they agreed to it, they are adults so they shouldnt have agreed to it if they couldn’t make it. Dealing with flakey bridesmaids is no fun, I should know. Everyone loves to criticise the bride and call her demanding when in fact they bridesmaids are often flakey and add to the bride’s stress.

Post # 12
Member
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Hm…I do understand those saying that it’s hard to get out of tests & such at this level of academia, but the BMs would’ve known that if a test was scheduled on the wedding date, they’d have to miss the wedding, so they should have mentioned this possibility when the OP asked.

OP, just relax & hope they’ll work it out. They were just mentioning the worst possible scenario so they don’t have to bail at the last minute. Hopefully, it will sort itself out & you’ll have nothing to worry about. If a Bridesmaid or Best Man does have a test- you’ll still make it work, because that’s the only option. It will be fine!

Post # 13
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I understand that you have a lot going on, especially this close to the wedding but I think that they could have been telling you just because you are friends, so you discuss each other’s lives. My Maid/Matron of Honor was starting school right before I got married and she was supposed to go to a weekend camping trip for her major. She missed it because she was in my wedding. When she told me about it I just took it as general friends sharing things that were going on in our lives. If your friend had a date she was looking forward to wouldn’t you discuss it even though you are planning a wedding?

You are not unreasonable in asking for one day, but maybe they were talking to you as their friend and not a bride, and they weren’t trying to stress you out.

Post # 14
Member
74 posts
Worker bee

@ninjachc:  I’m sorry that you’re feeling this way.  As someone in grad school, I can definitely see their side of the story.  If you talked to them and set the date before they planned their fall classes, perhaps they could have tried to not take a class that was scheduled on Fridays?  This isn’t always possible and I feel like it probably isn’t at all possible in medical school, but did they try to make this kind of effort beforehand?

If they just had to take Friday classes (which I have had to do many times), then skipping class is probably their own problem, but skipping an exam would result in them failing the class.  As hurt as you are, I’m sure that they were also not looking forward to telling you about the dilemma.

Hopefully something can be worked out.  Try to remember that you get to marry the love of your life! 🙂

Post # 15
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

when i was in a wedding i told the bride all of the bumps in the road i was encountering (i live halfway across the country, i just started a new job, etc) just so she knew that i was trying so hard to make this my number one priority so if something came up she knew well in advance that i had fought to be there. and i was there and it all worked out but i wanted to let her know.

Post # 16
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

and guys, I think shes talking about the friend NOT in grad school. In undergrad I could always talk to my profs about stuff like this and get the day off. Hell, one let me write the final before everyone else so I could go to a friggen Britney Spears concert (i was SO nervous asking that one). I went to two Universities over 6 years, it’s not hard getting the day off for a commitment.

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