(Closed) A once 80 to 100 guest list is now 120 to 160 because of SO and FMIL

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Speak up or hope for the best
    Talk to fmil : (14 votes)
    70 %
    Wait it out : (6 votes)
    30 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    1092 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I think you’re making this a bigger deal than it actually is. For instance, none of your guests will know if they received the same invite on the same paper with the same font so why would it matter?

    As for center pieces, you can have 2-3 different styles. The visual effect of your reception will be more interesting than having everything be the exact same. Same thing with the favors, as long as any additional ones are similar you shouldn’t stress.

    Post # 3
    Member
    391 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    Didn’t you agree on a set number in the beginning? I would not be happy if we were handed 20 more names. That completely offsets the budget. I would say you’re concerned bc you budgeted for X amount and now there’s Y. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    714 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    I’m having the same issue with Future Mother-In-Law only she isn’t paying for this Fiance and I are. She is constantly adding people to our list and I’ve already sent out invites, rented chairs and tables. Only 39 more days thank goodness!!

    Post # 5
    Member
    2573 posts
    Sugar bee

    gatsbymermaid:  if they are not paying then budget isn’t really a big deal as long as inlaws are willing to cover an overage.

    Like pp said no one will know if they got the same invitation and flowers can be easily duplicated since they are paying I would wait it out.

    Post # 6
    Member
    431 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2016 - Winery

    I feel your pain. Our guest list jumped up from around 90 to 115 to accommodate FI’s extended family members I’ve never met and who Fiance rarely sees. FMIL’s original list was one hundred people on their side alone. HAH! I’ve now set the limit at 120 and told Fiance there’s absolutely no way I want to go over it. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    743 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    Nope! That’s 60 extra people! A combined like 5 from Future Mother-In-Law and SO, sure. But not 60. Does your venue even have room for 60 more people? Have you met these people? Explain to them how much additional work this request is creating for you. Maybe you can compromise on like top 5 from each. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    4249 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    Well keep in mind 20-25% won’t show up, so you can factor that into this.  My concern would be can your venue hold that many guests?  If not that’s a cause for concern.  Since they ARE paying for the wedding though you have no say in this sorry to say.

    I will say my side of our wedding is considerably larger than my fiance’s side.  I have 80-90 immediate family members alone…that’s not including close family friends, close great aunts and uncles, and my friends.  In that aspect I can understand why they added people to the guest list.

    Post # 9
    Member
    241 posts
    Helper bee

    patriciaann2525:  I know it’s hard since this is supposed to be your day and you’ve had all these things built up in your head as to how they should go.  But when it all happens, all that matters is that you get to marry your best friend.  Try to focus on that.

    However, I think if the people paying for the wedding want to invite extras, you need to let them.  With that said, the logistics you mentioned definiteily need to be worked out.  Talk to your fiance and Future Mother-In-Law and ask them how to fix the issues.  Price out what it will cost to get enough invites, favors, centerpieces and give in laws that #.  If they are paying, and then find out they cant afford that…maybe they will change their mind on the guest list.  OR, maybe they will write you a check.  It’s all about communicating.  

    The topic ‘A once 80 to 100 guest list is now 120 to 160 because of SO and FMIL’ is closed to new replies.

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