Post # 1
One of my close friends is getting married soon. She told me last night that her and her fiance have a pact not to gain weight during marriage. If one of them gets noticeably bigger, the other will tell him/her, and work on it together, and they have promised not to have hurt feelings.
This comes on the heels of me reading this article from Ask Men, titled “10 subtle ways to tell her she’s getting fat.”
Am I the only one who finds this… wrong?
Post # 3
I think I would rather my SO work on my weight with me than just let it go and slowly become less attracted to me. I wish appearance didn’t matter, but I’d say it is a pretty important part of a relationship and I wouldn’t want to find out someday that he just wasn’t physically attracted to me anymore.
I also think there are ways to go about it that are less offensive than others, and deciding to do things together, as a team, is probably a pretty safe way of doing it.
I guess I should say that when I was talking to my SO earlier I told him if I don’t work out tomorrow he needs to kick my butt…..
Post # 4
I totally agree that appearance is important! LOL I tell my husband the same thing
My thought is that the woman 99 times out of 100 already knows shes gaining weight. Its often not helpful or constructive if a man takes it upon himself to make her feel even fatter. When I hit a certain point, I kick it into gear without the “helpful” comments from others.
Post # 5
A pact to not gain weight would be wrong. Besides the obvious (body changes due to pregnancy), men’s and women’s bodies age differently.
What they are doing is not quite so bad, it sounds more like a pact to tell each other if they *noticeably* gain weight. But I’m still uncomfortable with it. I know all about my (slight) weight gain and my (not so slight) post-baby belly. I don’t need to be reminded.
ETA: It’s hard for me to tell if it is, but I hope that article in the link is a joke.
Post # 6
That’s true, and I totally get that if you aren’t feeling great about yourself it doesn’t help to have that point shoved in. At the same time, I think it can be motivational to get some help from SO as long as he isn’t being pushy. I guess I like the idea, but not necessarily saying “Hey, you’re fatter than when we got married” but instead suggesting healthy meals/restaurants/dates.
Post # 7
@mrswestcoast: I dont think its too bad, as long as they are taking health into account and are doing it for healthy reasons. I know that a lady’s body will change and look differently as she ages, so as long as they are both respecting that and trying to stay healthy, then it might be a good idea.
Post # 8
I think appearance is important too… I actually do worry that FH will get fat later on, based on his Dad, and his current eating and exercise habits… I have told him a few times that he’s probably going to be fat when he’s older if he keeps it up, and he says he’ll deal with that when the time comes (or something along those lines). It’s hard though, cos when I ask him to do things (like ‘manscape’) he’ll say he’ll do it… and then doesn’t, no matter how many times I remind him. So I just hope he’s not like my Mum, who has said for the past 15 years that she’ll lose weight, but never has.
Cos shallow as it may be, I don’t know how I’m going to be sexually attracted to a person who is quite overweight (if I’m putting a lot of effort into maintaining a good shape myself).
Post # 9
I only want a scale telling me I’m gaining weight.
Post # 10
Because my weight has fluctuated throughout my life, I would never have agreed to a pact not to gain weight, and I would never have wanted to date or marry someone who would ask that of me.
On the other hand, I do believe that couples have a responsibility to consider their spouses as well as themselves when it comes to trying to maintain their health and wellness.
Both my DH and I gained weight following our wedding, in no small part due to the numerous logistics and extreme stress that resulted from our merging our vastly different and formerly independent lives into a new life together. I am thankful that neither of us was quick to throw stones at the other and that DH focused solely on his own health and wellness, without criticizing mine. Eventually, we both decided to do something about it, and, we lost weight together.
Post # 11
No, I wouldn’t make this pact. It really doesn’t take into account normal life changes. I do think that partners should try to watch out for each other’s health when possible, though. For instance, cooking healthy foods and working out together.
But seriously, that article is VILE. Listen to this gem from nunber 7. It says to serve your girlfriend really small portions and that,” by making her ask for more food, you might succeed in shaming her into an acknowledgment of her recent weight gain.”
That is so messed up.
Post # 12
I totally agree. And yes the article was terrible! I wish it was on the onion or some other joke website.. totally disgusting
Post # 13
I thought it was a joke at first, until I kept reading. I’m still hoping it was a joke, and that it’s going over my head. What guy would try to do half of those ideas anyway?
Post # 14
People who make pacts like this likely have never been on a medication that causes side effects like prednisone does for a decent amount of time.
If someone decides to start working out more, or even due to a job it’s also their weight will increase but they become healthier.
I would rather see people making pacts about doing what is within their control to be fairly healthy.
What if one person gets really sick and loses 30 pounds, are they not supposed to gain any weight back, because they would be ‘gaining weight’?
Post # 15
oh wow…. thats crazy!
but back to the point of the post…. i wouldnt mind making a pact. Over the 5.5 yrs of our relationship i went from 160-234 in 2012. Then finally I’m back down to 172 today. I wanna get under my old size. But he never said anything to me, yet our intimacy went down dramatically when I gained all the weight.