(Closed) I can’t decide if this is an attempt to steal the show or not…

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should a guest be allowed to stage a "surprise" appearance at the wedding?
    No way : (104 votes)
    94 %
    Sure! : (7 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 3
    6015 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    RED FLAG here too.  She’s crafty!!! What a sneak.  I don’t know how to convey to her she can’t come .. but i’d do it soon!

    Post # 4
    1029 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I don’t think it’s malicious, but I do think it’s a ‘kill two birds with one stone’ scenario.. she’ll go to the wedding AND ‘surprise’ all her friends. Not sure what to tell you, though. :-/

    Post # 5
    9053 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2010

    Were you planning on inviting her?

    But yeah, I definitely think it’s a chance to create a “grand moment” for herself at your wedding.

    Post # 6
    6891 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I’d have to nix that. Tell her to “surprise” them a few days before if she really wants. Your wedding is not the place.

    Post # 7
    10849 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Hmmm, okay first question, is she actually invited to the wedding, or has she heard about it via the BFFs and other friends and is taking it upon herself to come?

    Secondly, I think yes, she’s likely really excited about seeing some friends. BUT I also don’t think it’s occurred to her that it may be “stealing the show” or bad etiquette. She’s likely just thinking about how fun it will be rather than thinking about the impact this will have on your wedding! I think she’s being selfish but not realizing it. SO if you’re okay with her coming (and have invited her) great, but not as a surprise. You should let her know that you’d like to tell everyone or just tell everyone and claim you didn’t know it was supposed to be a surprise 😉

    Post # 9
    6891 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    Yeah, I stick to what I said. Let her come, minus her surprise. That’s just silly of her to think that’s a good idea. Be like “We would love to have you, but we don’t think that that’s the day to surprise anyone.” If she won’t tell them, you can mention it. “I wonder when K’s flight is coming in?” lol

    Post # 10
    395 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    She may not be actively trying to steal the show but she’s doing it nonetheless! She’s trying to weasel her way into an all expense paid surprise party where she doesn’t even have to send out invites – you’ve done it all for her. Yeah, I wouldn’t fall for that mess

    Post # 11
    82 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: February 2011

    Tell everyone. It is your day, and it shouldn’t be about her. My FI’s aunt kinda did this to his uncle’s wife on their big day… she chose then to inform everyone she was pregnant!!

    Post # 12
    7770 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    It is your wedding, she can have her own welcome home party.

    Post # 13
    3048 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 1991

    I don’t think it should be a big surprise. She needs to come a few days before, if she’s invited, so she can hang out with friends and have her own party. It’s your wedding, so why do you want people screaming about your friend who has been gone for so long… it seems a little much. The focus needs to be on the wedding, not her. I do admit, it’s a great time for her to come, since everyone will be in the same place. I just don’t think she realizes how upsetting that could be to you.

    Post # 14
    1641 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I think you should invite her as planned, and tell her you look forward to seeing her, and I’d let your friends know ahead that she is coming. Could you also arrange to go out with her a night or two before the wedding? Like a girls night out…and have all her friend there, so the wedding won’t be her “surprise” place.

    Post # 15
    646 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Maybe she could show up at the end of the rehersal dinner if she wants it to be a surprise. Otherwise, offer to help her “surprise” her friends at some point a few days before the wedding. With jet lag and the long trip, its unlikely that she’s getting off the plane and coming straight there. 🙂

    Post # 16
    1270 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    red flag. red flag. red flag. crazy girl.

    The topic ‘I can’t decide if this is an attempt to steal the show or not…’ is closed to new replies.

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