Post # 1
I just found out that my sisters think they are going to throw me a bridal shower. Thing is, I hate…HATE… ABSOLUTELY HATE bridal showers. I think they are gift grabby and tacky and I hate them. Not knocking anyone who likes them, but they are not my thing and I don’t like going to them, let alone having one thrown in my honor.
BUT, I think it is really sweet that my sisters have shown an interest in my wedding and that they want to do this for me. How do I say, “You don’t have to. No really, you don’t have to. No really, don’t.” without sounding ungrateful???
Post # 3
I was blatantly honest with my Maid/Matron of Honor – I told her I don’t like showers and didn’t want one.
I told her I’d prefer a small lunch instead, just me and the maids.
I think it will go over better if you give her a “but I’d love this instead. . “
Post # 4
@Tangled: Perhaps just say explicitly that you love that they want to throw you a shower, but you don’t like the gift grabbing aspect of it. If they want to throw the party, perhaps its focus could be changed so it’s just a fun celebration of your engagement with some women you love. A sophisticated hen do/bachelorette party that you’re happy to have your mum at (and then you could have a second hen do which you wouldn’t necessarily want your mum/FMIL at! ). Have some ladies over, drink some wine, have some snacks, possibly play a game or two but make it clear to your sisters that it’s NOT a shower and there are to be NO gifts.
I’m totally with you, by the way. I cannot stand bridal showers, or baby showers either. Makes me cringe.
Post # 5
I don’t get when or where the tradition started that there should be pre-gifts before a wedding, where there are more gifts!
I don’t know how she thinks she’s going to do this, anyway, where I haven’t registered anywhere. I haven’t registered because I seriously don’t need anything and I wanted to avoid exactly this situation!
This is sure romantic: “The custom of the bridal shower is said to have grown out of earlier dowry practices, when a poor woman’s family might not have the money to provide a dowry for her, or when a father refused to give his daughter her dowry because he did not approve of the marriage. In such situations, friends of the woman would gather together and bring gifts that would compensate for the dowry and allow her to marry the man of her choice.”
Post # 6
I would tell her you really appreciate her wanting to throw you a bridal shower, but you aren’t looking to get any gifts so there will be no registry for the shower. You can still have fun doing other things during this time.
Post # 7
Just flat out say no. If you’re too nice about it, they won’t get the hint. Just tell her exactly what you told us. You think it’s really sweet but you don’t want one. I always have things forced on me that I really don’t want because I’m way too polite to say no. I need to start working on that because my SO’s family is full of “We insist you do/keep/eat this. We won’t take no for an answer.” kind of people and I’m going to have to grow a backbone if I’m ever going to survive a life with them. haha
Post # 8
I’m not sure there is a way? You could suggest some kind of party or do something that doesn’t include gifts, but honestly, if other people want to throw a shower in your honor and buy you things, smile, say thank you and send them a lovely thank you note.
Post # 9
You unfortunately cannot tell them not to throw you a shower…. BUT you can tell them to put n the invitations “No gifts please, your presence is present enough”.
(It seems that you have an issue with the gift side of it.. so eliminate the gifts).
This way, they’re still throwing you a shower, but it’s made clear that it’s not a “give the bride gifts” shower.
That being said, you will likely still get a few gifts, but people will do what they want to do lol, and you’ve made it clear that gifts are NOT require/ expected.
The party will just be a lovely afternoon with your family and friends.
Post # 10
I’m not fond of showers, either, for the most part. I think you’re going to have to be honest with them and say that while you appreciate the thought very much you would really prefer to not have them do this. Be firm, lol.
It’s very sweet of them to offer, however. I’m having a time convincing my two FSIL’s to not throw me one. In our case, however, we have requested no gifts at all, but instead a charitable donation if they feel they must. We’re receiving a handmade piece of art from a family member artist that we’re looking forward to, but other than that we have an established household and don’t need anything.
It’s hard to convince people who love showers why we non-shower-loving folks don’t care for them, though, I know.
Post # 11
Say something like this, “I am so very touched by the gesture, however I just would not feel comfortable at an event where my guests feel obligated to provide another gift, could the shower perhaps be changed to a brunch or luncheon where we solicit advice and company in lieu of gifts?”
Post # 12
I had a co-worker ask if she could throw one, I tried to say no, but she REALLY wanted to. I conceded to a small brunch (with only 10 people) and I had asked her to put something on the invites asking people not to bring a present…that didn’t work at all. Everyone brought presents anyways.
If people want to buy you/give you something, they will. I guess I just try and look at it as they love you enough to want to do something nice for you. You could hurt feelings by denying this to your sisters, I’ve found during the wedding people get pretty hurt if they want to do something they deem nice, and you won’t let them.
Post # 13
Have a party, don’t call it a shower.
A shower = gifts. Saying anything about gifts (even “no gifts”) on the invite is rude…plus it’s always awkward when some bring gifts and some don’t.
Call it a tea, get together, dinner, brunch, girl’s party, whatever. I’d be honest about it.
By The Way I get your reaction. I had a lovely shower and it was a nice afternoon…but man, do I not like showers (being the guest of honour OR a guest).