(Closed) A polite way to say: Oh Gawd I hate those things!

posted 6 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
5075 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

I was blatantly honest with my Maid/Matron of Honor – I told her I don’t like showers and didn’t want one.

I told her I’d prefer a small lunch instead, just me and the maids.  

I think it will go over better if you give her a “but I’d love this instead. . “

Post # 4
1114 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Tangled:  Perhaps just say explicitly that you love that they want to throw you a shower, but you don’t like the gift grabbing aspect of it.  If they want to throw the party, perhaps its focus could be changed so it’s just a fun celebration of your engagement with some women you love.  A sophisticated hen do/bachelorette party that you’re happy to have your mum at (and then you could have a second hen do which you wouldn’t necessarily want your mum/FMIL at! Wink).  Have some ladies over, drink some wine, have some snacks, possibly play a game or two but make it clear to your sisters that it’s NOT a shower and there are to be NO gifts.


I’m totally with you, by the way.  I cannot stand bridal showers, or baby showers either.  Makes me cringe.

Post # 6
9483 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

I would tell her you really appreciate her wanting to throw you a bridal shower, but you aren’t looking to get any gifts so there will be no registry for the shower.  You can still have fun doing other things during this time.

Post # 7
1029 posts
Bumble bee

Just flat out say no. If you’re too nice about it, they won’t get the hint. Just tell her exactly what you told us. You think it’s really sweet but you don’t want one. I always have things forced on me that I really don’t want because I’m way too polite to say no. I need to start working on that because my SO’s family is full of “We insist you do/keep/eat this. We won’t take no for an answer.” kind of people and I’m going to have to grow a backbone if I’m ever going to survive a life with them. haha

Post # 8
5547 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2011

I’m not sure there is a way? You could suggest some kind of party or do something that doesn’t include gifts, but honestly, if other people want to throw a shower in your honor and buy you things, smile, say thank you and send them a lovely thank you note.

Post # 9
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

You unfortunately cannot tell them not to throw you a shower…. BUT you can tell them to put n the invitations “No gifts please, your presence is present enough”.

(It seems that you have an issue with the gift side of it.. so eliminate the gifts).

      This way, they’re still throwing you a shower, but it’s made clear that it’s not a “give the bride gifts” shower.

That being said, you will likely still get a few gifts, but people will do what they want to do lol, and you’ve made it clear that gifts are NOT require/ expected.

The party will just be a lovely afternoon with your family and friends.

Post # 10
9671 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m not fond of showers, either, for the most part.  I think you’re going to have to be honest with them and say that while you appreciate the thought very much you would really prefer to not have them do this.  Be firm, lol.

It’s very sweet of them to offer, however.  I’m having a time convincing my two FSIL’s to not throw me one.  In our case, however, we have requested no gifts at all, but instead a charitable donation if they feel they must.  We’re receiving a handmade piece of art from a family member artist that we’re looking forward to, but other than that we have an established household and don’t need anything. 

It’s hard to convince people who love showers why we non-shower-loving folks don’t care for them, though, I know.

Post # 11
5963 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Say something like this, “I am so very touched by the gesture, however I just would not feel comfortable at an event where my guests feel obligated to provide another gift, could the shower perhaps be changed to a brunch or luncheon where we solicit advice and company in lieu of gifts?”

Post # 12
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I had a co-worker ask if she could throw one, I tried to say no, but she REALLY wanted to. I conceded to a small brunch (with only 10 people) and I had asked her to put something on the invites asking people not to bring a present…that didn’t work at all. Everyone brought presents anyways.

If people want to buy you/give you something, they will. I guess I just try and look at it as they love you enough to want to do something nice for you. You could hurt feelings by denying this to your sisters, I’ve found during the wedding people get pretty hurt if they want to do something they deem nice, and you won’t let them.

Post # 13
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Have a party, don’t call it a shower.

A shower = gifts.  Saying anything about gifts (even “no gifts”) on the invite is rude…plus it’s always awkward when some bring gifts and some don’t.

Call it a tea, get together, dinner, brunch, girl’s party, whatever.  I’d be honest about it.  

By The Way I get your reaction.  I had a lovely shower and it was a nice afternoon…but man, do I not like showers (being the guest of honour OR a guest).

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