- 8 years ago
A very good friend of mine has been engaged for a few months after a year of dating. My friend was always an independent woman and never wanted to get married. Until she met him. Let’s call him Kyle and her Rachel. Kyle suddenly came into rachel’s life very suddenly, with in a month they lived together. She started immediately ailenating her friends. She mostly hung out with her best friend (lets call her Jen) who was more like a sister. I occasionally saw her but only 4 times alone since she’s been with Kyle. Throughout her relationship, she mentioned a few times how Kyle didnt like her going out with out him, or refused to listen to her past. Even though she had to hear about all of his exes. He doesnt even know about her friends she grew up with because they are male. At the engagement party, after everyone left, Kyle and Jen started arguing about Kyle talking bad about Rachel. Jen slapped Kyle and said dont talk about my friend like that. It started a big fight between everyone. Jen and Rachel stopped talking (Jen was the MOH) Kyle’s mom, who was in town for the party, yelled and screamed at Rachel that it was all her fault. Kyle packed up his stuff and said he was leaving and it was over. Kyle and Rachel worked it out and he stayed. This was 5 months ago and the wedding is 6 months away. Now, I always felt Kyle was way too possesive over Rachel. She is not “allowed” to go out w out him, unless he is at work but has to be home before he sis home. She came over my house a few weeks ago to borrow a dress. It was the first time I had seen her in 2 months. After an hour of catching up, she suddenly had a phone call and Kyle was on the line saying he happened to be in my neighborhood (we live 25 mns away) and wanted to stop by. And he did. Kyle’s family is running the whole show for the wedding. He proposed infront of HIS family (even though she super close to hers) and they are having the wedding hours away in another state because his family is there. His mom is making all the plans on what SHE wants. Kyle is very much a MOMMA’s boy and is even making Rachel have her other bridesmaid his sister, even though her brother cant be in it. I recently reached out to Jen. I know rachel misses Jen, but she told me that day a few weeks ago, that Kyle wont be too happy if she contacts her. Jen got very sad hearing this, and I dont like seeing them not talking. But we all know it is Kyle why they are not talking. I asked Rachel what we are doing for Bachelorette and we have to do something fun, and she said “Kyle doesnt like bachelor parties so she can not have one either” I asked her when we can get together soon, and shes “allowed” to go out on sunday mornings when he hikes with friends. Also, when I talked to Jen she asked me if Rachel was sick or if I thought she looked sick. And it dawned on me she did. She has been loosing weight like crazy. I know she wants to fit into a dress. but usually when people are happy in a relationship they gain a few lbs, not look sickly thin. Rachel told me about a month before the got engaged that they fought ALOT and it was always really intense and someone always drove off mad. Jen told me, (knowing she was closer w both and knew more ) that they do fight almost every day and about small jealousy things, for example he made her delete facebook but he didnt delete his (although she eventually got hers back) and he checks her phone. Also, Jen told me that Kyle had hooked up with a friend of a friend of Jen right before Rachel. Rachel was told this girl, Cindy, was crazy and obsessive over Kyle. Jen told me today that she finally talked to Cindy and she said no, it was opposite and he was writing her crazy obsessive emails on FB and even showed them to Jen. Although the emails were from a few months ago, they were sent from Kyle after Rachel and him were engaged. Cindy warned Jen to get Rachel away from him, he is toxic but Jen said its too late :-/ Also, Rachel has to go to bed when Kyle does, weird right? I have been in a bad relationship and almost got married to the man. he cut me off from my friends, he tried to make me dependent on him and I can see many of the signs in Rachel. I don’t want my friend to make a big mistake. I was lucky that my parents and a few friends (ironically , Rachel being one of them) finally said something to me. But Rachel and Kyle live with her family and they haven’t said anything to her. I know her older brother does not approve and has said so. I know if I say something, I will loose her as a friend. And he has alienated her so much, I am her only friend she still sees. and its only once every 2-3 months. I dont want to loose her, but I feel I already have. She is someone so different since shes been with him. I wish she could see on her own. Also, Kyle is her first serious boyfriend so I think that has a big part of her attachment. Any suggestions or Ideas on how I can approach her or if I should approach her mom or brother ? Im also afraid that if I do tell her that I feel this way, and it is not just me, it is all of her friends, but if she leaves him or tries to, I am afraid he will hurt her. Jen said she feels the same and is fearful of what might make him snap to that point of hurting her.