(Closed) A potentially sticky situation…

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 17
Member
765 posts
Busy bee
Post # 19
Member
1722 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

I walked down the aisle by myself. No one ever said anything. Though I don’t live in the south, we have many southern, conservative family members. You won’t trip and embarrass yourself. Alternatively, you could walk out with a member of your wedding party if you’re having one (even a flower girl or a ring bearer would be cute).

Walking out alone, with a wedding party member or your fiance is the best excuse you can have against this, to be honest. If it’s ever brought up, I think, “We just wanted everyone else to relax and enjoy the day!” should be a sufficient excuse. If anyone pushes, change the subject or leave.

If you go out of your way to include someone else in walking you down the aisle (like the high school best friend), it will likely just come off as a slight. Not only did you not pick from the pool of available people already involved in the wedding, it will appear – but you purposely went outside of it to get someone else.

Post # 20
Member
1833 posts
Buzzing bee

It seems that you come from an uber traditional, gossipy family.  You CAN choose to break the mold and tell them (politely) that this is how you are doing things and end the discussion.  You are giving a LOT of people a LOT of power here for something so small as who to walk with.  YOU decide who YOU want and tell the others times have changed.

Can your grandmother really not deal with her sisters here?  FTR – I am a 3 time MOB and the only way these things change in a family is if someone  takes a stand.  

Post # 21
Member
9525 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

what about your mom walking you down the aisle?

Post # 22
Member
1604 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Many independent brides walk themselves down the aisle.  I would go with that.  And no, a dad slapping a DD in the face is NOT normal, to whomever implied that.

Post # 23
Member
50 posts
Worker bee

My father is not in my life, so he’s not even invited to my wedding.  I am having my mother walk me down the aisle.  She’s the one who raised me when my father left after they got divorced and if anyone earned the right to walk me down the aisle, it is my mom! 

Have you thought about having your mom walk you down the aisle?  Both of my sisters had my mom walk them down the aisle.

Post # 24
Member
603 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@mepayne:  I think you should walk half way alone and have your Fiance meet you and then walk together…people will then think its just the new thing i think…but if you replace your dad they might really wonder whats going on and cause embarrassment to your family which it sounds like you dont want.

Post # 25
Member
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@mepayne:  If you walk alone, make sure you wear flats or slippers to make sure you don’t trip. My wedding shoes were white bedroom shoes from Walmart and it was great!

If you want a picture of his expression at the alter, I would have you walk in slowly alone and have him meet you halfway. If you have relatives ballsy enough to question you on your wedding day be ballsy enough to tell them it was your decision and if they don’t like it at their wedding they can change it hehe.

Does your Dad know you don’t want him walking you down the aisle??

Post # 27
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

I think that later on down the road when your kids are looking at your wedding pictures and they find out that it is very traditional to have your father walk you down the aisle, you may have a very difficult conversation on your hands without making your future children think that you don’t like their grandfather – and you shouldn’t tell them any story that would make them privy to that kind of mess. He wasn’t a horrible father from what you’ve described, he wasn’t the father you wanted, but that shouldn’t cause you to make such a life altering decision. As an adult, your relationship with your parents should change anyway. If you’re used to keeping up appearances, would a 30 second walk down an aisle really be too much?

Post # 28
Member
1604 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

DJones, I doubt that any kids will ask OP who walked her down the aisle, but I certainly hope she monitors any time any future kids spend with Grandpa.

Post # 29
Member
1733 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

OP, here’s another question: will you be having a father/daughter dance at the reception? I can see, given what you’ve said here, how you might choose not to do that. However, unless your fiance’s mother has passed away and you can choose to avoid the father/daughter and mother/son dances that way, it sounds like your family might also “talk” about that too.

Regardless, I think that the best of your options is to choose to walk alone. You could also choose to have your fiance meet you halfway, as

View original reply
Daffadowndilly suggested, so that it appears that you made a definitive, “romantic” decision that symbolizes your new life together, rather than a gesture that specifically excludes your father. You might need to practice it a few times to make sure that it looks polished, but this is certainly a hurdle which can be overcome.

 

Post # 30
Member
887 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

@mepayne:  Are you doing a first look with your FH? If so, then consider him walking you down the aisle! Just another idea 🙂 Sorry about you and your dad!

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