(Closed) A Proposal is near… but

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Oh my, I’m so sorry they aren’t sharing in your excitement!

Parents, deep down, just want what they think is best for their children.  But, I think they try to live vicariously through their children sometimes, and project their own wants/regrets on their children. 

I think the best thing you could do is keep composed and save face.  You want to remind them (by example) that you are an adult and this is a decision you are making for your happiness.  After they have time to get used to the idea, it is likely that they will warm up.

When my nineteen year old sister announced she was going to marry her now husband one year after meeting him on myspace, my dad FLIPPED.  Now, one year later, he is thrilled with them both and in love with their daughter (his one and only grandchild).  And, he says my sister was very smart to marry someone with money to support her.  If he can get used to something as whirlwind and crazy as that, I believe all parents can warm up with time!

Post # 4
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@annasaf83:

hello!

I have been wirh my SO for 9 years now…since i was 16 years old. We have always been very passionate and crazy about each other. We didn’t even have our first major fight until 2 years into the relationship. After a year together, he proposed to me but since i was only 17 years old, we went to church together and had our own little ceremony where we exchanged vows and rings (we didnt tell anybody, we just did it for ourselves…my family probably wouldn’t have been to happy about that at that point in our relationship). And that moment when he proposed was one of my best memories ever.

Legally, we were just engaged until this summer, when we got married. We started living together only 4 years into the relationship…and let me tell you it was like a whole different thing…habbits that you have to deal with, being together ALL the time. It is a challenge but it brings you much closer and truly intimate too. (we were together for for years before that, and talked to each other every day, and saw each other almost every day before living together)…

My point is that there is nothing wrong with being engaged and not getting married right away (i’m not telling you to wait 9 years tho…i was getting f***ing impatient myself!! lol), but what i’m saying is that you should enjoy every moment of your relationship, including this engagement or pre-engagement. Be happy even if not every body is happy right now. By the time you actually get married they will probably have accepted it and be really happy for you.

All I’m saying is that maybe if your family has brought some doubts to you, you should try living together first (while being engaged) and by the time you get married you will know for sure if he is the one..the important thing is that YOU are sure and not everybody else around you.

Enjoy every second and dont let others bring down your excitement and your good mood!!

Good luck 🙂

 

Post # 5
Member
53 posts
Worker bee

@annasaf83:

My mom was like this towards my SO when we were going to be engaged over a year ago and I let it get to me so I broke up with him and dated someone else. Long story short, I wanted to please my mom and tried harder for a failing relationship than I should have only to end up again with the only person who has ever really treated me well. I’m getting engaged and I’d love for my mom to be there when we announce it to everyone or at least be at the wedding. I’d like her support but I’ve come to accept she may never like him. It’s been seven years since we met and I’m not going to accept the ‘rushing into things because you’re still young’ excuse any more. I’m not that young any more and we love each other.

Post # 6
Member
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

My SO’s mom is like this about ME! She never really says anything to my face but she tell’s him and he tells me. I can tell even when he doesn’t say anything to me…She thinks we’re too young, thinks we don’t really know what love is, thinks we should wait until the age SHE got married blah blah blah. I come from a family of marriage at young age and NO divorce. I’m used to marriage in the early twenties. I think she likes me as a person, just doesn’t like the idea of him giving his attention to a woman other than her…gahhhhh it never ends. 

Post # 7
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m sorry your family reacted that way! Maybe it will just take a while to adjust the idea that you are moving out and getting married? It’s a big change for everyone, not just you.

I hope they are more supportive when you announce your engagement officially – try and do with individuals rather than a group, or one negative comment will get them all on the bandwagon!

Good luck and congrats on the part paid for ring, thats great progress!

Post # 9
Member
2023 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m sorry your family is seemingly so unsupportive. I’m 23 so I could see how if you were my age that people might say things like that (everyone does to me). How old are you if you don’t mind me asking?

Post # 10
Member
7582 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

View original reply
@annasaf83: Hmm, how old are you? How old is he? Do you both still live with parents? Do you both have full time jobs or steady income?

Post # 12
Member
7582 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

View original reply
@annasaf83: Well then I wonder what their concerns would be? All of your answers seem to be in line with getting married, living with your parents is here nor there really.

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