(Closed) A question for all of the married/almost married Bees out there!

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Money, people never seem to want to talk about money before they are married but it is so important that you both be on the same page when it comes to saving vs spending.  

Post # 5
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I agree money and finances. Be open on how much debt you have, how you plan to pay it back and do up a budget so you are on the same page with saving and spending. I really think money can cause lots of issues if you are not on the same page!

Post # 6
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I agree money and finances. Be open on how much debt you have, how you plan to pay it back and do up a budget so you are on the same page with saving and spending. I really think money can cause lots of issues in a marriage.

Post # 8
Member
1370 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I would say finances as well. Are you planning to evenly split the bills or is each partner going to pay a percentage?

Also, household expectations if you don’t live together already. It took Darling Husband and I a good couple of months before we worked out a schedule for cleaning the kitchen after meals, doing laundry, etc.

Post # 9
Member
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@AmeliaBedelia:  Why didn’t you give me this months ago!? Now we’ve only got four and a half more weeks to discuss all of these questions! Noooooo!

@batwoman:  I agree with the money thing. Definitely that and kids, and maybe even some politics and religion to spice it up.

Post # 10
Member
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

We’ve been together for over 8 yrs, so we’d covered just about everything (but I’m excited to look over @AmeliaBedelia:‘s list).

Some things beyond the ‘basic/common’ ones (finances, whether or not to have kids, etc) that I’m really glad we’d discussed have been:

views on homosexuality (what if you have a gay child?)

special needs children and carring for them

views on abortion (what if you get pregnant at an inopportune time, special needs child, etc)

views on disciplining children and how to raise them re: religion, sex education, etc. 

how each person learns/best understands/argues/resolves issues (then you can set the boundaries of how to disagree/resolve issues as a couple)

Post # 11
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I’ll chime in to say that the conversation changes as the situation changes.  DH and I were together for 5 years before we got married (now married for over a year).  We’ve had tons of conversations about money, about how to handle it, about how much we have, etc etc etc – but even just last night, we got into this HUGE discussion (dare I say: fight – tears were shed! (by me)) about it…. things surfaced that had developed in the last year or two and we had to rediscover ways to resolve the issues.

I honestly thing the biggest thing you can do is learn how to communicate with each other.  It’s not really the topic that’s important… but, do you both listen and understand what the other is trying to communicate.  What happens when you don’t?   How do you resolve conflicts and what is your style of fighting (meaning – how do you typically resolve arguments or how do you respond when you feel wronged).

The better you can be about being open and honest with your partner (and yourself!! ie: knowing what’s really bothering you) the better off your marriage will be, IMO.

Post # 13
Member
10714 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

I agree with money. We talk about it but not much and ending wedding planning and paying things off we’ve run into a few ‘chats’.

We also just recently had a talk about how we’d raise our child… I just assumed he’d treat them the same way he treats my son but he said he in fact would do things a little differently and my son was already 5 when we started dating. I’m glad I know now and wasn’t surprised later.

Post # 14
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

@batwoman:  Do it by section so he doesn’t get overwhelmed! haha. That’s what we did. And even after being together for 4 years, there are a few questions that went somewhere we might now have thought of explicitly.

I got this link in college, from a class. Now my degree is semi-useful! Yay!

Enjoy guys! haha. And I apologize in advance to your SO’s. 😉

Post # 14
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@AmeliaBedelina: I love that list!

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