(Closed) A question of who pays.

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
46612 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If the Maid/Matron of Honor says anything to you, I would just say “I’m sorry, but as I have the additional travel expenses, I cannot afford to contribute to the cost of the shower.”

You are correct. She should have asked for contributions ahead of time, so she knew what  budget she was working within.

Post # 4
1306 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Ugh, a friend of mine went through the same thing a few years ago. She arrived at the shower and received a bill from the MOH! She was NEVER even included in the plans. On top of it all, she had been asked to pick up things on her way there and she spent $$$ she was never reimbursed for.

I would e-mail the Maid/Matron of Honor and tell her that you are sorry, but you can only afford to contribute X amount of $$ and you hope they all enjoyed the party.

Post # 5
3267 posts
Sugar bee

If they had wanted you to particiapte then you should have had a say on the “level” of the events.  Just because they chose to have a champagne shower doesn’t mean that you are on the hook to pay for it.

The host should have hosted what she could have afforded, not sent a post event bill to someone who wasn’t involved in the planning.

“I’m sorry but that won’t be possible” Just keep repeating it no matter what they say.

Post # 6
2395 posts
Buzzing bee

Hmmm. That was kind of a stinky way for her to handle this. I agree with Julies1949.


I would just nicely tell her that if you had been included/involved in planning the event in advance , you could have explained at that time before arrangements were made that you are on a strict budget and are unable to contribute.


If she gives you any pushback, I would nicely smile and say, “It’s a shame you didn’t explain all of this to me before you went out and spent all of that money. I’m sure you’re very frustrated!” And just keep smiling.

Post # 7
650 posts
Busy bee

Sorry but i wasnt going to pay for something taht I had no clue about to begin with. As the previous posters stated just politely say that you cannot afford to make a contribution because of your finances at this time

Post # 8
506 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@BelliniChic:  +1

Totally a yikes situation. I’ve never heard of a Maid/Matron of Honor doing that…gross

Post # 10
1158 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

How rude of her.I wouldnt pay..lol

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