(Closed) A Quick Invitation question…

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
748 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’d say send it to both of them. 🙂

Post # 4
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Hmmm.. I would send an invitation to each? Good question, I’m interested to hear what the correct etiquette is. 

Post # 5
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would send it to both, just so they have  it handy and can make travel decisions, refer to details, etc.

Post # 6
Member
813 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Our Best man and Maid/Matron of Honor are a couple, but don’t live together yet so we sent them each an invite! For most other people though we are friends with one side of the couple and the other we don’t know as well, so we sent one invite with both names. I’d say.. if you will be friends with both after they break up and want them both to come, maybe send them each one? I don’t think you will offend them either way!

Post # 7
Member
1416 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Do they live seperately? If so just send to both of them. If they live together, save time and just send the one, lol.

Post # 8
Member
3969 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I’m still unengaged/living separately with my SO, and I wouldn’t be upset with 1 invite being sent to him (if it’s his friend/family’s wedding) or vice versa. Honestly, postage adds up, I don’t take offense! I’m just grateful to be invited in anyway/shape/form! And if for any reason we broke up before this event, I would obviously let that person know if I would not be going/would be going, regardless of what the SO put on the RSVP card!

Post # 10
Member
2612 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I believe that proper etiquette gives you two options. Let’s say it’s John and Mary and you guys know John best. 

1. You can send one invite to John and address it to “Mr. John Smith and Guest” 

2. You can send invites to both John and Mary at their individual residences, addressed to “Mr. John Smith” and “Ms. Mary Doe” (no guests, unless you want to be uber-prepared if they break up or you WANT them to bring extra people!)

If you like both people and would want them both at your wedding, even if they decided to end their relationship, send invites to both of them. 

 

Post # 11
Member
10453 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

I’d just send it to “John smith and Jane doe” or whatever. That’s what I’ll be doing. 

Post # 12
Member
1696 posts
Bumble bee

Correct etiquette is to invite every guest, by name, by an invitation sent to his or her own home. So, if two people are not living together, you have to send two separate inivitations if you want to comply with proper form. Under traditional etiquette, it is never correct to refer to someone as “and Guest”.

Post # 13
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I’m actually putting two on the same invitation if we’re long-term friends with both of them. For example: If John and Jane were dating I’m putting whichever friend we’re closest to (John) on the front of the invitation. It’d go something like this:

Outer envelope:

Mr. John Smith

123 Main Street

New Orleans, LA 70118

Inner envelope:

Mr. John Smith and Ms. Jane Doe

The only risk you run is if they break up between the time the invitations are sent out and the wedding. It could make for an awkward situation, but I’m not worrying about it.

If it’s a friend who has a boyfriend that I don’t know that well or they just started dating but I want to invite anyway… I’ll just put guest on the invitation. Maybe it’s too much but it makes sense in my head!

Post # 14
Member
1696 posts
Bumble bee

@nolabee39:  There is another risk you run by following this rule, precisely because the advice to “address joint invitations to the friend you’re closest to” is becoming well known. You risk advertising to Jane that you do not consider her as close a friend. If that ends up being the message that she takes away, you may very well have insulted her unintentionally. Even if she chooses to overlook the slight and assumes that no offense was intended, it may not be a thing that you wish to do to her.

Post # 15
Bee
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012 - Franklin Plaza

We had a similar situation and sent a separate invitation to each of them.

Post # 16
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@aspasia475:  I’m not too worried about it, I think that she would understand. My friends are fairly drama free. i do have a specific example of it and her boyfriend is in the wedding party however she is not. I don’t think I’m being inconsiderate afterall… someone has to go first on the invitation. I think that argument can be made with a married couple also. No one knows how the other invitations are addresses so they have no idea why I chose to put anyone’s name first.

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