(Closed) a quick questions for my fellow waitingbees

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
935 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Have you asked him directly: if $ wasn’t an issue when (if ever) would you want to get married?

Post # 4
Member
1165 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

You need to ask him directly, he’s the only one who can answer those questions for you.

Post # 5
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I agree with everyone and think you should have a chat about it.  I’m one of those people that see marriage as a financially benefit (you go from having individual income to having two…two bills becomes one…that’s good math to me…i know, it’s not as black and white..).  If money is the only thing keeping you, then I hope you can work out a budget that will allow you to get married by a date you both agree upon. 

Post # 6
Member
2309 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I agree, I learnt my lesson from wondering, asking others advice on what this that and the other meant, and just directly had a serious talk with him. Sit him down and discuss what you may be feeling it works wonders.

Post # 7
Member
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think the only way to find out is to ask him directly why he’s not ready to be engaged yet.

If it is all financial do you know if your parents or his plan to help with the cost of a wedding? Does he know?

My boyfriend told me he doesn’t want help in paying for a wedding (he doesn’t like accepting money or expensive things from his family or mine), and that’s part of the reason he would prefer to get married in Vegas. Would he be OK with a cheaper wedding? All things I guess to ask him if he says that money is why you are not engaged.

Post # 9
Member
935 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Ah, I see now. You’ve effectively taken money out of the equation…and yet the finances are holding him back.  Hmmm….could be either one. Check your gut. and check in with him. It could be he’s stalling or he could really want to do this right and feel financially stable.

If I were you I’d just share this concern with him . Something like “I love you and I’ve always thought we’d have a future together…lately I’ve been feeling uncomfortable becuase I want to get married and I’m not sure I see that happening any more. I don’t want to you to feel pressure or do anything you don’t feel ready for. I just want you to know why I’ve been distant/crazy/pulling away lately”

See what he says! Don’t “push” him, just let him know you’re having your doubts. It’s honest, it’s not demanding, and it doesn’t require him to do anything.  Maybe he’ll open up and discuss it with you. Maybe not. You’ll get the information you need from just sharing your side of it. Then see how he handles his 50% of the relationship. Wait for a good time, and stay calm. Let him know your feelings!

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