Post # 1
Just need to vent really quickly before I end up yelling at my husband…
Last night I went to bed super early because I was exhausted. Before bed I straightened up the kitchen and started the dishwasher. I hate waking up to a dirty kitchen. The only thing left on the counter was some steamed squash that my husband was supposed to divide up and freeze for our son’s meals. I reminded my husband about it before heading to bed.
So I get up this morning and what is still on the counter? The squash! It’s been sitting out all night so now it has to be tossed. Several freezer meals for our son down the drain. I mention this to my husband and he’s just like “whoops!”
I know it’s not a huge deal really. But it drives me crazy! All he had to do was scoop it into ice cube trays and pop it in the freezer. And I even reminded him but of course he didn’t want to do it “right now.” I thought about doing it myself but we have an agreement: I handle the breastfeeding, he handles the solid foods.
I have no problem if he doesn’t want to do things right away…if he’d actually remember later. But he doesn’t! And me pointing out this fact to him is apparently me being a jerk or something.
He’s a fantastic partner in almost every way but stuff like this really gets under my skin. He’s been so supportive and helpful since our son was born, especially as I suffered from post partum depression. But seriously…before coming to bed maybe take a quick look around and see if anything needs to be done.
Okay rant over. Time to start the week!
Post # 2
Hey, rant away if it means not keeping it bottled up inside and then eventually exploding on him!
It doesn’t really seem like a big deal but I’m sure the more it happens, the more annoying it is.
Post # 3
Haha!! This sounds like something my husband would do. It isn’t a big deal, but when stuff like this happens a lot, it gets really frustrating. Especially if you are the one in charge of making the grocery list and grocery shopping, because now he just added it back on your to-do list to buy more food.
Rant away. It helps to get it out here, rather than ending up fighting with your husband.
Post # 4
Yeah I agree, rant here all you want but I would just focus on all the positives your husband brings to the table because that far and beyond outweighs stuff like this. And you want him to feel appreciated 🙂
Post # 5
I totally feel you! It’s a minor thing in the scheme of things yeah, but it’s the damn principle! Effing use your eyeballs and look around the kitchen before you go to bed, it is not that hard! My husband is the exact same way…most of the time I try not to lose my shit when he forgets something like that, but sometimes, yeah…I lose my shit. It all comes back to the emotional labor concept…like yeah he’s in charge of “solid food” but apparently you still have to remind him to handle these tasks more than once or he’ll forget to do them. My husband is in charge of all cat litter duties while I’m pregnant…but guess who still has to remind him to scoop the litter on a near daily basis or he just forgets and won’t do it. I wish these men would take total ownership over their household responsibilities rather than needing us to hold their hands through it all.
Anyway I feel you bee…I am living with the same type of guy…he’s so wonderful and supportive but sometimes!!!!!!!!! arrrrrrrrrr
Post # 6
Yes it’s definitely not worth the fight. Just aggravating!
Exactly! Now I have to go back to the store and buy more squash. Not a big deal really but if he just does things when I ask instead of putting them off and then forgetting this could all be much easier for both of us. Because now he’ll have to cut up and steam another squash too.
Yes I know. This is just a pet peeve of mine. Especially when I feel like I made it pretty easy for him as I cleaned up the entire kitchen so he’d have room to spoon everything into the ice cube trays (we have a very tiny kitchen so you really do have to clean as you go otherwise you run out of space very fast!).
Post # 7
YES!!! I love him so much but also how do his eyeballs not work the same way mine do?!
Post # 8
Hey we all need to vent once in awhile- and I totally get that even a partner who is mostly great, still gets under our skin sometimes. Been there, done that a hundred times over (((hugs)))
Now everyone makes mistakes, forgets something, but TBH I would have been annoyed by the breezy ‘whoops’ response. Especially if you’re the one doing what I call ‘behind the scenes prep work’/ emotional labour (even with generally good and helpful spouses, somehow we seem to get stuck with the lion’s share of this!) ….so, as lahela017 :
asks, are you the one who has to make the grocery list/ clean the fridge/ do the shopping? Because even if he’s the one prepping the solid food, are you the one who has to add ‘get squash’ back onto your To Do list?
What if you said to his ‘whoops’ ….”Aww that’s a shame, can you run out and get some more squash and steam a fresh batch? Because now we need squash for little one”
Because even though my husband is pretty good doing stuff in general, his tasks always seem to involve a step or two for me to complete, emotional labour/ prep work et al.
p.s. I’m sorry you had PPD earlier on, hope you’re doing well!
Post # 9
Jar food? Pouches? Stock up on those
Post # 10
Definitely understand having a husband that forgets things a lot. Ranting is necessary.
Also, I’ve been guilty of forgetting to put things in the fridge/freezer; however, that only affected me and I get pretty annoyed with myself.
Post # 11
We were writing at the same time- my thoughts went to emotional labour too!
Post # 12
RobbieAndJuliahaha : “Because even though my husband is pretty good doing stuff in general, his tasks always seem to involve a step or two for me to complete, emotional labour/ prep work et al.”
So much this!!! It drives me batshit. Again with the litter box thing – we have the “Breeze system” which involves a pee pad that has to be changed once a week or it becomes totally saturated and disaster ensues. Dh has now been in charge of litter box duties for over three months….guess who STILL HAS TO REMIND HIM weekly to change this effing pee pad? I did an experiment last week where I just didn’t remind him. It got to about day 11 (should have been changed on day 7) and I finally said something. Hours later, he decided to do it…and the sounds of horror and disgust coming from him as he dealt with this pee-soaked disaster pissed me off so much. I tried to spare you this! Why do I even have to say anything, why can’t you just take total ownership over this ONE TASK??
Ugh, he works a lot more hours than I do so I don’t mind doing the lion’s share of household stuff but I wish those responsibilities he did have he would take 100% ownership of so I could wash my hands of them completely and never think of them again. It might be time for another come to Jesus talk about this issue…last one was like six months ago and I feel like the efffects of it are wearing off at this point. harrumph
Post # 13
I think men have selective eyesight just like they have selective hearing.
My husband has been guilty of doing similar things and when he does, I always say a “serenity now” prayer (from Seinfeld) and try to remember all the good things he has done. One time he offered to make a pitcher of formula for our daughter as I had a bad cold and felt like crap. I went to bed early and he got distracted and forgot to put it in the refrigerator. I woke up to the jug sitting on the counter. That stuff is expensive and it was literally down the drain. He felt terrible when I pointed it out.
He tries to help me out by doing some of the shopping but last week he bought the wrong size diapers…again. He bought a size she hasn’t worn since she was a few months old (my daughter is now 16 months). I’m due with #2 in August so I just kept them. I appreciated the effort but I had to do a face palm since he took a picture of the diaper box before he left.
Post # 14
This would drive me mad, and has in the past and will in the future!
It’s like they just don’t get that forgetting one thing will add several things back on to your to do list.
Post # 15
We both add to the grocery list as needed but I am the one that usually does the grocery shopping. I have every other Friday off so that’s usually when I go. But I have asked him before to pick up a few things on his way home from work. I do end up doing most of the emotional labor and it can be exhausting. I am always giving little reminders about things. But generally my husband is really good about giving me some “me time” and helping out as much as possible. It’s particularly hard because we live in such a tiny house and with a 5-month old it’s hard to keep everything organized and clean in such a small space. Our place is so cluttered it gives me anxiety!