(Closed) A quick reminder that the internet is not always right. …

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 32
Member
11231 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

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@towandafox:  LOL If I thought that would help, I’d do it. I literally was like, “GO TO THE WEBSITE” and she kept arguing with me to get me to give her details that I didn’t even know right then and there–I was nowhere near a computer, not at home, etc. Then she was like, “Well we searched for the website, but all that came up was one with nothing on it.” Apparently, you can’t delete the one that The Knot sets up for you, so I had to go in and turn off all of the pages and add a comment on the registry page they set up that says to go to our real site at

” class=”bbcode_url”>. She kept telling me that no one had the URL, and I’m like, “WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME FOR IT IF NO ONE IS AROUND A COMPUTER OR THEIR FUCKING INVITATIONS?!”

Post # 33
Member
1285 posts
Bumble bee

We’ve decided not to register for anything.  We are in our late 30’s, have a home and we are very well established.  So, I’m sure they will all get the hint.  Honestly, we don’t even care if people give us a monetary gift or not…or even a card!  we just want our guests there to celebrate with us.

On a side note….

I photograph weddings almost every weekend.  Guess what I see at every gift table? About 3-6 gifts, the rest cards in the card box….I think people are going the easier route, monetary gifts these days.  I’ve  noticed a diminish of gifts over the years to bride and grooms at weddings.

 

Post # 34
Hostess
11163 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

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@Bostongrl25:  Agreed. We didn’t have a single issue with people not knowing about our registry nor did anyone ask. We included our wedding website within our invitations but definitely did not include registry cards.

Post # 35
Member
2466 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Asia:  You know…I totally dont get why people get in such a bunch about a registry card with an invite. Everyone knows that they arnt going to get a gift from everyone, and I dont think a card sends the idea they have to, it’s about being helpful. (I didnt send one because I wasnt registered yet)

but heres the thing I see… on here people ask about bringing gifts to a wedding and most of us would agree we would NEVER attend a wedding without bringing something whether or not its a gift, a card with money or a card! Its pretty much considered a snub if you get nothing unless theres extenuating financial circumstances.

As a guest I would find much more helpful to have a little tag with the registry info …. that whole idea of word of mouth?? CRAP total CRAP you know why?? a) its totally true hardly anyone looks at the website and b) what if you dont know the family or pretty much anyone else going?? who do you call??? THE BRIDE of course, and then shes put in the awkward position of having to be coy and say “oh my gosh dont worry about that we dont expect gifts….but we are registered at______”….its an awkward conversation and you know how I know this?? because Ive been INUNDATED with emails and calls from friends and family friends who have no one to ask but me/or my Fiance directly!!!

and they are the ones saying “oh dont give me that we dont want anything crap like your “supposed” to say WHERE ARE YOU REGISTERED??” lol….

Everyone knows that weddings generally include gift giving so I dont see why it has to be so taboo. If someone isnt going to get me a gift having registry info in the invite isnt going to change that, but it also doesnt mean I expect anything. Im just trying to make life easier.

With all this talk about making your guests feel welcome and have a good time, and make things enjoyable and easy…. is that because we send them on a wild goose chase first??

Post # 36
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think ultimately this boils down to knowing your audience. If your social circle regularly includes this information INSIDE the invitation, then by all means go ahead and include it. They won’t be offended and that’s what they’re used to. For example, in some countries, it’s totally normal to eat with your elbows on the table; in other countries, this is considered rude. It’s all about context and knowing your audience.

FWIW, we chose not to include registry information in our invitation because that’s not a common practice around here. We did include a website and we had plenty of registry gifts in addition to cash gifts. We only had one item that was off-registry and wasn’t cash/GC.

Post # 37
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

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@shanbp:  +1… preach

Post # 38
Member
2294 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Asia:  This totally happened to us too.  No one is looking at the website.  Frankly, I even just wish I had said something like “for accomodation, registry info, and other wedding details, please visit http://www...” instead of being ultra careful and leaving out the mention of the registry completely.  I had hoped that guests would get the “other wedding details” part, but so far…the only traffic on our website has been my mom and I!  Lol. We totally put a lot of effort into putting every little detail on the website, including places to eat, site-see…being in Seattle there are a lot of cool things to do!  And we had planned an activity for Saturday that I don’t think anyone knows about.  Oy vey.  Oh well.  Too late now!  If people want to find out where you’re registered, they’ll make it happen one way or another.  And hey, if this is the biggest thing to go “wrong”, I’d say things are lookin’ pretty good!  Wink

Post # 39
Member
2466 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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@futuremrs1986:  Thanks πŸ™‚ I mean really!!It all seems to be coming to a head this week actually with people asking. And it is more about our particular crowd…. theres a lot of people who only have association with me or Fiance or both, but no one else, but still its the 21st century, I think we need to loosen up a bit.

I’m getting more FLAK for not having it plastered everywhere…and like I said, I never realized how awkward it is until someone corners you and says “so where are you registered or do you want money? I hope you dont think Im being bold by asking but I just want to give you what you want”

uuuuuuuuuuuuuh….(felt like I was kicked in the gut) how do you answer that lol….

Post # 41
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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@shanbp:  THANK YOU. 

Post # 42
Member
1692 posts
Bumble bee

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@weddingmaven:  Hear! hear!

“a gift is supposed to be a voluntary thing, inspired by the generosity of the giver. Guests are not required to shop off the registry and they can always ask around for the information.”

And more than that, guests are guests precisely because they are the people most precious to the bride and groom. Can it not be presumed that each guest already knows something about the happy couple’s tastes and preferences, and their circumstances in life? If not, then either the guest, or the couple (or both) has been falling down on their social responsibilities to actually put some effort into maintaining relationships.

But that being said, etiquette is all about conforming to social norms and living up to your responsibilities within the society in which you move. High society or formal traditional propriety may have some standard different from your own community’s standard. And, while one can and perhaps should try to raise the standards if one finds them to be low, for a bride to simply start practicing manners that actually violate her own community’s norm really is in bad taste, whatever the internet might say. That behaviour would be pretentious and show contempt for the family and community who reared her. And that would be rude.

It’s a matter of good judgement and compromise. Etiquette does have certain black-and-whites, but they are really just the endpoints on all the in-between shades of grey that etiquette also addresses.

 

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