(Closed) A Quick Vent

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
647 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

If Friday was the RSVP deadline, maybe they put it in the mail on Friday?  Some people do that.  I’d give them another day or two.

Post # 4
23 posts
  • Wedding: September 2010

We had to chase down about 35-40% of our RSVPs – it really is stressful!  I know I will be sure to send back right away any RSVPs in the future!!  

I have a question – I received an RSVP that was addressed to “Mr. & Mrs. Joe Smith” back with “number attending – 4”.  I’m assuming this is for their children (who are both under 6) and this is an adult reception.  How do I let them know that the only kids there will be our siblings children?  I just think this is so rude to assume and not even check to see if its okay.  I really just don’t know how to let them know without causing any friction.  Any advice would be great!

Post # 5
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

@shellymarie: It is rude for them to expect their kids can come. Personally, I’m a fan of someone else BESIDES you making the nasty call–it has more clout if the wedding family pulls rank rather than just you. It also sends the message that this is not personal and you don’t hate their kids or anything; it’s just the way it is. so if you can persuade whomever is closest to the person in question–Mom, Future Mother-In-Law, or even your Maid/Matron of Honor (even though she’s unlikely to be closer, it’ll get the point across) to call them and explain. Script it out for them: “I’m sorry but we only have 2 seats reserved in yours and Mrs. RudeGuest’s honor…The reception is not appropriate for children.” Or you can offer babysitting as a hint that there will be no children at the wedding reception. Don’t be surprised if Mr. and Mrs. X decline the invitation altogether, though. If they say as much to you/whomever you delegate to over the phone, just have them say warmly, “We’re disappointed because we would have loved to have had you there, but we understand. We wish you and the family the best!” and hang up.

OP, that sucks, but it happens to everyone. Shellymarie is right–sometimes people put the RSVP in the mail on the deadline date. You wouldn’t be remiss in making the calls, although I personally would try to delegate a bit–give 5-6 people to your Mom to call, 5-6 people to FH to call, etc etc. so you’re not doing all the heavy lifting. Also, it helps if you give them a “second deadline”–ie, “We’d love to have you. Please call us by Friday to let us know; if we don’t hear from you by then, we’ll assume that you send your regrets. Thank you!”

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