(Closed) A rant, and some advice woud be appreciated

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
4479 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

I’d plan (on paper) two alternate weddings–one of the guest list size you want, and one with the extra 30-40 people they are discussing, and tell them that if they pay the *entire* difference (and explain why the difference is more than per plate–that includes extra invitations, the larger venue, the extra centerpieces and linens, etc., and you should also be sure to include taxes and service charges if applicable) they can invite their extra people. And then be firm. If you show these numbers to your Fiance, he’ll probably see your perspective more.

If his family complains and isn’t happy with exactly what you’re able and willing to provide to everyone else, I think you should go ahead with what fits in your budget and with your vision.

Post # 18
Member
1580 posts
Bumble bee

So am I hearing this right that the inlaws want to invite people that you don’t think need to be invited, and they expect you to pay for it? And the inlaws aren’t contributing any money to the wedding?

I totally agree with hotchild. Show them exactly what you can afford and then maybe they will give you some more money if they are really worried about how that reflects on them (social status).

Why doesn’t FI’s dad want to pay for the reception? Are there underlying issues?

Post # 21
Member
1580 posts
Bumble bee

little miss- that actually sounds pretty good and financially smart!

I think you and your Fiance should discuss exactly what you see your wedding and reception being. Don’t get dragged into paying for a huge reception that you don’t even want. And it seems like FI’s dad would be on your side with not overspending on this.

Post # 22
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Difficult situation!  Is it possible that FI’s parents are really out of touch and think that $30 buys anything??  Is it possible that they think thier son has alot more money that he actually does and he is being tight so whay souldn’t they?  Most important I think is to be very clear that you realize it is an event for them as well as for you (Someone’s going to smack me for that….I know it’s your wedding but in planning my own I have come to terms with that fact and obvioulsy that is kind of how they feel too….) and that their comfort is important to you…..  Then maybe you can include them on the planning alittle – meaning getting first hand information on venue and plate cost, inviation cost etc.  Maybe his Mom would be interested since she has two boys.  It may contribute to nicer relations int he future.  Otherwise, have it where your want and they can choose to invite or not!! 

Post # 23
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

First off , i would approach this with sensitivity and with a calming voice …I would ask him if he cares much about what society dictates ? Maybe he agrees with his parents and doesn’t want to tell you ?  tell him that you appreciate the fact that his parents are paying for the EXTRA pple they want to invite ,however he must realize that this wedding is about you 2 and that you want to invite pple you actually care about and not pple your REQUIRED to invite because HIS parents want to invite them..and because of there social status and such, he has to realize that his parents  and their guest  may not appreciate the wedding that you and him can afford ..

Do the parents know what ur ideas are for your wedding ? Like how you want to serve everyone ? What kind of food ? Something tells me , that if u tell them what kind of wedding u plan on having , they may not WANT TO invite there friends ..mention that what u want to do, is all u can AFFORD TO DO…if they want to mention somethings more suitable for their guest ..tell them once again U can’t afford to change your ideas ..for them ..UNLESS they were to help you out ..  i don’t know if any of this helps you …so GOOD LUCK

Post # 24
Member
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I agree, show them an honest budget and what that money will get you.  We had to do this with my FI’s mother because she just “had” to invite all these people, but we had been looking at smaller venues.  We told her that if she wanted to add on so many, she would have to cover the cost of a larger, more expensive venue and all the extra work that comes with additional guests (more centerpieces, more paper products, etc). 

It worked out for us because she was reasonable about it.  I almost wish we had just turned her down from the start because I dislike that we have all of these “social status” guests, but what can ya do. 

Post # 26
Member
577 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I think that you should not worry about their “social obligations” and all that.  Lay out for them what you can afford with YOUR budget and YOUR guest list, and the costs associated with bumping up the guests that they are adding.  I would tack on all “indirect” costs as well, such as extra centerpieces, favors, larger venue costs, etc.  If they give you the money to cover it, great; if they cause a scene about it not being fancy enough, then tough for them!  They can’t have it both ways.  Stick to your guns on this girl!

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