Post # 1
Sooo I just needed to get something off my chest….
I am a bridesmaid in my sisters wedding in a few months….and I also live a few hours away from her…I work nights, and I work alot….I also am going back to school, and I have my own responsibilities, and a house….and I am not available to drive a few hours at everywhim….it just dosent work like that….
I am currently “being an unsupportive” “horrible sister” (her words not mine and her BFFs), because apparently when they schedule something on a Saturday morning at 10 am, an I have an almost 3 hour drive home, and I usualy get off work at 0730….and they announce that “ALL BRIDESMAIDS MUST BE HERE! VIP!” (I got this message on WEDNESDAY AT 7PM!!) I had to trade my ass off to make it to where I could be off for the bridal shower/bachlorette shower in two weeks….that i just found out about this week….im working 2 weekends in a row to compensate for this….and upset my boss because they had to re-work a huge chunk of the schedule that week (Im a charge nurse….so theres only a few of us that can swap around)….so i decided that i couldnt duck out of work last night and tomorrow night to “have ALL the bridesmaids finish PLANING the wedding” (i dont mind helping but i thought you were supposed to plan your own wedding, i can help w/ diy stuff….but i dont think i should have to jepordize my job to help her decide on aisle decorations and play lists and i didnt think id need to be there to help pick the flower girl dresses…..)
So basically Ive spent the entire day getting rude and snarky texts….basically because I am the ONLY bridesmaid who works in healthcare (a couple teachers and things like that where weekend and nights are not as much of a problem)….I am also the ONLY one who lives this far away….all the other girls have alot of freedom with their schedules including her Maid/Matron of Honor, and so they dont ever think anything of it when they plan something last minute, and then they dont understand that my world hasnt stopped just because she is getting married….and im already on thin ice with my boss because of all the last minute schedule changes…..we do a 6 week at a time schedule! same as it has always been….(this is not a new job)
Im sorry for the novel…I just needed to vent….im sick of being treated like im an a$$h***e….becuase i cant be there at the drop of a hat….and everytime i try and stand up for myself….pack mentality sets in and i get it from all angles….and my sister and her friends all spin it to my mom that I just didnt pay attention or that i just dont want to be there…because im “jealous that im still not getting married” which is not true….would i love to be engaged and married hell yes! do i want my sister to be happy (no matter how much id love to wring her neck), YES!….I would chock this up to pre-wedding stress but this has been going on for the over a year shes been engaged….even my familyistired of it…my mom just listens to whatever she says because were all exauhsted from arguing with her….
Ive been informed that i “can not step down, because it will tear the family apart”….and i know for fact she will never let me live it down….(she still gives me HELL for one time when we were in MIDDLE SCHOOL i was late and missed half of her cheer leading routine!)…..so stepping down is not option….
soo idk if im looking for advice….just maybe some support….
again sorry the novel!
thanks bees! just needed to get it out before i snapped!
Post # 3
Oh my, this is ridiculous. Do not feel bad for not being able to attend. Explain your circumstance to your parents, and I’m sure you’ve explained it to your sister and move on. Ignore the snarky texts. I think most brides do not expect round the clock service from their bridesmaids. I’m not requiring mine to do one single thing for our wedding other than show up and be happy for us. The only people who are required to plan a wedding are the two people in it. That also goes for DIY stuff. If you want to DIY and save some money, then you should put in the time, don’t expect other people to do it but be appreciative if they help. Good gravy. I feel bad for you, but do what you can, keep living your life and this too shall pass.
Post # 4
I second tealmarie. Im not having my girls do a thing, but am glad to get their help when they offer (if they offer). My Maid/Matron of Honor hasnt been offering much, and since I dont work now and have the time to do everything on my own I like it that way. But I wish I had someone to talk to about some things and bounce ideas off of. Its too bad that your sis cant recognize you would offer that. But this is only one day, and you both will be sisters still long after the wedding! I know plenty of brides have had to eat crow after their day was over and re build bridges they burned over one stinkin day! Hang in there.
Post # 5
I say send her a copy of your schedule & tell her “If something falls between this time & this time, I cannot come. You have my schedule now & if I miss something because of work, it’s your fault.” She’s being a B*TCH & I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this! Don’t jeopardize your job over it!!
Post # 6
Post # 7
Her expectations are absolutely outrageous! Just hang in there, and after the wedding is over I’m sure most of the craziness will be like a distant memory. Don’t jeporadize your job to help her pick out aisle decor, and just explain to her why you can’t be there. Really she’ll just have to get over it. And if I were you, I probably wouldn’t talk to her friends at all about “why” you can’t make it to things. Its not there business, and it’s not up for discussion with them. And when they send snarky texts, you should tell them just that.
Post # 8
@soontobemrsm11: I second this too! Honestly it is COMPELTELY UNREASONABLE to make bridesmaids adjust their life’s schedule especially you being in the medical field. I hate to say this but your job is important and if you get fired or something along that line is it going to be worth it? Tell her you’d love to be part of her wedding party but unfortuantely your schedue is fixed and non-negoitable but you’d be happy to help her out on the times you’re free. On your schedule I’d add a few more hours for your travelling time 😉
Post # 9
I don’t think you are bring unreasonable, far from it. You should not be expected to jeopardize your credibility at work. In spite of the wedding you have responsibilities, plain and simple. Your job is your means of support and to put yourself on thin ice with your boss…no, no, no.
I am an older encore bride so I didn’t have bridesmaids. I do feel like every day there is a new thread on the boards with bride’s having issues with bridesmaids. I think your post illustrates that there needs to be a middle ground. I know every situation is different. Sometimes I think the explosion of the bridal industry, all the wedding shows, bridezilla, etc. has created unrealistic expectations and it’s easy to get caught up in it all.
Post # 10
As a fellow night shift nurse, I empathize with you. I second sending your sister a copy of your schedule and telling her that your available time is non-negotiable.
Her friends sound charming. :/ Best to ignore them. You’re too busy saving lives to lower yourself to their childish behavior.
Post # 11
Aww, sorry about this!
This makes me happy I havent asked my bridesmaids to do one single thing! All these threads on here with issues and brides wanting their BMs to do 50 billion things are crazy.
I would ignore whatever her friends are saying.
Post # 12
Post # 13
@kansas_nurse: I’m sorry. You should tell your sister that you have a lot on your plate. It’s not reasonable for her to do that to you or make you feel so awful! I have a bridesmaid states away and the only thing she is doing… (SIL to be) is walking down the aisle! I had to change my expectations for her bc its unreasonable to expect more from her. You should tell your sister to change her expectations for you. Its easier said than done. Just think it will all be over with too!
Post # 14
@soontobemrsm11: great idea!!!
OP, you are doing your best and don’t feel bad….you can’t be expected to risk your job for activities that you weren’t even consulted on before they were scheduled! Argh. Some brides are just so wrapped up in their own dream world that they have no idea that the world is still turning and not everyone is hyper-focused on their wedding like they are.
Sounds to me like there’s some history with your sister that may be playing a role in her bad attitude. Honestly, if a sit-down, grown-up honest conversation won’t help then just give her your schedule and say, “Sis, I’d love to be at all these wedding events and activities, but I can only make it if it works for my schedule. I do need to work, after all, and can’t change my schedule once it’s set.”