(Closed) A really bad, lopsided friendship. Advice appreciated.

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Uh, why are people friends with him? Does he have any good qualities?

I would be more than happy if such a “friend” did not show up for my birthday.

Post # 4
Member
2542 posts
Sugar bee

Darling Husband had a friend that was similar to this. Like, he would be totally possessive of him and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t like me because I take up so much of DH’s time. He was always rude to me, and totally ignored our wedding invitation and the birth of our other mutual friend’s child. He even accused Darling Husband of “abandoning” him…totally weird. They don’t talk much anymore which I think has a lot to do with the fact that said friend cannot handle being around us as a couple and well, we are married now so we’re kind of a package deal!

I don’t really have much advice, just wanted you to know you’re not the only one who’s been in this situation.

What do your other friends and your Boyfriend or Best Friend think of him?

 

Post # 9
Member
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

This may be cold of me, but here’s my opinion: life is too short to spend time putting up with people you don’t like any more than you have to. I stopped contacting some of my college friends because they just never seemed to grow up – what used to be hilarious is now just childish and annoying. It sucks because we were friends for years, but sometimes you just have to cut your losses. I want to spend my time with people that make me feel good after hanging out with them; not people who exhaust me and cause me anxiety.

Not that I’ve cut these people out of my life completely – if we’re at a party or something I’ll chat with them and be civil. Sometimes it’s even nice to catch up with them. But I don’t go out of my way to meet up with them.

I suppose it would be harder for you seeing as it’s a circle of friends you have to deal with, not just Randy on his own. Good on your husband for calling him out on it at least.

Post # 11
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

$5 says he’s in the closet 🙂 (reading between the lines)

Post # 12
Member
1155 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Have you and/or your Boyfriend or Best Friend discussed these things with Randy? And what does your Boyfriend or Best Friend think of him?

I think you both have responsibility for perpetuating his assholery. Like, when he made you sit on the floor to watch a movie, you both should have left. When he came over at 11pm on your birthday, you shouldn’t have let him in. If he is passive-aggressive about movie choices, you need to tell him you’d rather he go home than let him ruin your evening.

As for the car music, his car, his music. Everyone I’ve ever known, from all across the country, knows this rule!

I firmly agree with PP’s who suggest cutting him out of your life. But it’s not fair to “hate” this person and think of cutting him out when you have actively allowed his poor behavior. At the very least you need to give him advance warning and a chance to improve.

Finally, is Randy gay or bi? Is it possible he is actually in love with your BF? Either way, if he makes you and your Boyfriend or Best Friend uncomfortable with his gay jokes, you need to SAY SOMETHING.

Post # 13
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Randy is just immature.  If you don’t want to hang out with him then don’t hang out with him.  What’s the age range for this group of friends?

Post # 16
Member
2254 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

This isn’t an episode of Friends. You’re an adult who has free choice in your friends. I think you can opt to not be friends with Randy while the rest of your circle can. I’d just slowly distance yourselves from him. Stop riding in his car, don’t watch movies with him, etc. Over time, the friendship will phase out.

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