Post # 1
An aunt emailed me today asking if it’s “okay” if she sends a check, because a certain relative who-shall-not-be-named has apparently told the whole family that fiance and I do not want gifts.
Because of my cancer treatment and the fact that we had to move so much, all of our stuff is in storage, so we opted not to register (well, we didn’t want to anyway, but that’s what we’re telling people), but we definitely still want gifts, monetary or otherwise. Granted, we’re not expecting them, but we certainly aren’t having a “no gift” wedding.
This same relative told people it was a casual wedding, and one cousin was even telling us he was going to wear shorts! AGH!
How do I even begin to correct this misinformation without sounding like a greedy snob?
(My hope is that the aunt shares with the rest of the fam. Fingers crossed.)
Post # 3
@WhiskeyEverAfter: “While dealing with wedding planning, my health and various other things, we never got around to registering but of course we appreciate any and all gifts.” I don’t know. Lol.
Post # 4
Oh gosh, that is tough! Do you know who the relative is who said it? Can you talk to them? Realistically, how many of your guests could this relative have talked to? I assume the people who don’t know this relative would still bring a gift becuase they haven’t been told otherwise, right?
Post # 5
I would go to the relative who has been telling people this and 1. ask them why they were under that impression and 2. ask them to correct themselves with everyone they’ve spoke to.
Post # 6
@WhiskeyEverAfter: Just tell the person that whoever was telling them these things was misinformed, it is a formal wedding and gifts are accepted, ask your close family members to spread the word!
Also, I hope your treatments are going well, and that a remission is in your future!
Post # 7
Whoever is most closely related to this relative (either someone in your family or your fiance’s family) need to tell this relative to STFU, stat. Then hopefully people can reach out to the other people who were given misinformation to clear up the story.
I may get flamed for this, but given your unique circumstances, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling guests who reach out to you that you’d really appreciate money as a gift, similar to what the previous commenter posted. Perhaps you can spin it like, “Due to my health condition, we have had to use a significant part of our savings, and would appreciate any monetary gift to help us get back on our feet.”
I hope your cancer is in remission very, very soon. Good luck with your wedding!
Post # 8
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
Can you maybe ask your mom to talk to the relative and have her pass on to everyone that she was mistaken? Yikes, sorry! I would assume that people will feel weird about going to a wedding without a gift despite what they’ve been told, so hopefully you’ll get them anyway.
Post # 10
@GoldStar: Thank you! I’m in full remission. Luckily we caught it very early. Everyone squeeze your boobs!
Post # 11
@WhiskeyEverAfter: your FI needs to talk to his mom asap.
Post # 12
@mgol25: Thank you. I am in full remission. I’m telling everyone, early detection is key. Do your self-exams!
It’s my FMIL, and I love her, and I’m not sure why she’s telling people this. She knows we’re not registering, but we’ve been pretty clear that we’d prefer monetary gifts. Gah, this is so weird. Hopefully she clears the air and there’s no drama about it!
Post # 13
@WhiskeyEverAfter: so glad to hear you’re in remission! Congratulations!
Maybe FMIL misunderstood? maybe she means no physical, tangible, gifts? I feel like this is such a touchy topic with people. I would definitely tell FH to talk to her, and have her clear up the confusion. Also, do you have a wedding webiste? Maybe registering for like 5 or so items that you know you want, and posting it there will help with the confusion. (I find that when people only register for a few gifts, people tend to send monetary gifts instead. The registry would indicate that there are a few things you’d like, but not too many. Also, I have been to many weddings in the past few years and find that registries are very helpful when you don’t know the couple intimately, even if they’re only registered for a few items.) Good Luck!!!
Post # 14
@WhiskeyEverAfter: Congratulations! I’m glad you’re healthy for your wedding.
I know it’s completely frustrating and you don’t want drama leading up to your big day, so give her the benefit of the doubt and chalk it up to a miscommunication on her part. I highly doubt she did it maliciously. Still, your fiance should talk to her and set her straight.
Post # 15
@WhiskeyEverAfter: Glad you are on your way to a recovery! No idea why your FMIL would be saying this, she must just misunderstand? Are you guys going on a honeymoon? Could you register for a honeyfund? Honeyfunds are great because you can register for fun things to do on your honeymoond, people like doing this over just sending money. But in reality they are just sending you a check so you can do what you please with it.
Post # 16
How did she get the idea that you wanted no gifts? I would never tell anyone this unless I was directly told “We don’t want any gifts. Please spread the word.”
I hope your FI can talk to her ASAP and get this cleared up with other guests. Good thing your aunt let you know!