(Closed) a report on real life responses to registry cards in invitations

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
5921 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

We didn’t put them in ours, but most invitations I have gotten have had the cards enclosed.  It doesn’t bother me one way or the other.  It is super easy to find someone’s registry if they don’t, but it is easy to have it right in front of you too!

Post # 4
Member
10287 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

That has to be a regional thing because receiving registry cards in the actual wedding invitation is considered pretty tacky where I’m from. We only include registry info on the bridal shower invite and that’s it. No mention of a registry is listed anywhere on the actual wedding invitation and I think that’s mainly because couples want to receive cash and guests want to give cash. Infact, the only wedding that I have attended in recent memory that even got an actual gift (other than monetary ones) was my FBIL’s wedding and that’s only because my FSIL’s grandmother made them something.

That’s good that you received positive feedback for yours though. I definitely would not have heard the same thing from our guests.

Post # 5
Member
46590 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

The ettiquette police will soon be checking in to say that etiquette is not regional, but anyone reading the bee over a period of time can’t help but notice that there are regional variations in what is considered acceptable or even the norm.

Post # 6
Member
1569 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

I’ve been invited to weddings in Washington state, Alabama, Florida, Georgia, Canada, South Carolina, Virginia, Maryland, and DC, and I’ve never seen registry information in a wedding invitation.

Post # 7
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018 - Coyaba Resort, Montego Bay

I’ve lived all over & don’t think anyone would care whether it was included or not – so don’t worry!  It wouldn’t bother me one bit & I think if someone actually said something to you, that says more about THAT person than you!  🙂

Post # 8
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

In real-life: People expect and appreciate them.

Not me.  I’m honored and charmed to be invited to someone’s wedding.  I am not honored or charmed to receive an invoice with a shopping list not so cleverly disguised as a wedding invitation. 

That a lot of people are ignorant of good etiquette doesn’t make bad manners acceptable or admirable and registries have gotten so out of control people have completely lost site of the idea behind gift giving.  How are you supposed to know what to get?  If you know a couple well enough to be invited to their wedding then you should know them well enough to be able to select a gift for them.  Oh, it wasn’t something they specifically picked out?  Horrors!

I had a small registry that I didn’t advertise and guess what?  People who wanted to know if I had one had the enough sense to ASK either me, my future in laws or someone in my wedding party or they just found it themselves.  Some people didn’t ask and got us lovely gifts they selected themselves.  All were wonderful and appreciated. 

Post # 9
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

 We are not snobby people and it’s only considered tacky in the wedding world. No one in real life follows wedding etiquette rules. I’ve been going to weddings since I was 16 and a registry card has always been included in the invite.

Some etiquette rules just need to get buried with Emily Post. Guess what? I’m putting them in mine and my family and friends will not hold their noses up at it because we are not those kind of people. No use in pretending to be all high society when we are not. Times are changing and the old rules are being replaced with better ones IMO.

Post # 10
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

The ettiquette police will soon be checking in to say that etiquette is not regional, but anyone reading the bee over a period of time can’t help but notice that there are regional variations in what is considered acceptable or even the norm.

Good etiquette isn’t regional.  Just because something is common doesn’t make it polite or less vulgar and including a request for gifts in your wedding invitations is both rude and horribly vulgar regardless of where you live. 

Post # 11
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Hell, the etiquette police say dollar dances are tacky and rude when in fact it originated in Poland. I was engaged to a Polish man at one point and his mother was actually going to make me a coin purse for the dollar dance. Some brides heads would explode on this website because they think dollar dances are tacky and rude when other cultures and other people think it’s fine. So, I say if you know your family and friends and you know they won’t care if you put a registry card in your invite, then do it. If it’s social suicide in your circle, then don’t do it.

Post # 13
Member
46590 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Miss Tattoo said it “Times are changing and the old rules are being replaced…”

According to Emily Post “a lady must never sit on a gentleman’s left; because according to European etiquette, a lady “on the left” is not a “lady.”

Emily never envisioned the day that women would be driving their own cars, or chairing board meetings. Etiquette does change with the times and varies regionally.

Post # 14
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Dollar dances are rude and tacky too.  Weddings are supposed to be about celebrating – not shaking down your guests for gifts and cash and that has nothing to do with being snobby or old fashioned – it has everything to do with being gracious, polite and dignified. 

Post # 15
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee

I agree with Lisa105 completely.  This is not hard.  Yes, you can do it.  No, you should not do it.  If your “circle” is ok with it then they either don’t know, don’t care or love you enough to overlook it.

The end!

Post # 16
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I dont think its as much as regional as it is “people”

I have lived in TWO different areas…actually lets make that three…and the people I am friends (and family) with are relieved to see it. They want to know where we registered, they dont want to be running around looking for info.

BUT with that said..i do like the info as well but i always feel a little “twang” of something when i registry card falls out of the envelope.

In very small print i put where we were registered and I heard nothing about it…I think our only complaint was that we registered at ONE place *laugh* and not enough stuff was asked for…*sigh*

Etiquette police wiill jump down your throat about this post…but i believe its a person to person thing not a regional thing…

Im glad you have sensible friends and family though (like mine) that were happy to have the information on hand and not working part time for the etiquette police 🙂

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