(Closed) a report on real life responses to registry cards in invitations

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 63
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

View original reply
@dynamic_duo: Thanks.  I was just a little curious since I’m also getting married in April.

Post # 64
Member
1267 posts
Bumble bee

Neat!  Maybe because its so new I wouldn’t check it.  I have a ton of weddings coming up and haven’t seen one yet so it may not have caught on here.  I am trying to pretend that I never saw this post and if I would check the website if I didn’t see any registry info.  Maybe.  But (oh, this is not any criticism to anyone, I think I’d like to do a wedding website, too, after we get off our buts and decide to actually marry :P) I doubt I would check it because I’m not much of the type to read through someones ‘romantic promotional’ site, lol.  I can’t watch romance movies, shy away from those types of novels and am just not into it.  So if I thought it would be like a ‘our story’ blog type site, I wouldn’t visit.  However, the ‘for more information’ thing is interesting, too.  Most of me would say ‘its a wedding, what information do I need other than time/date’ but without a registry card I might remember the website when I went looking for a gift. 

I think if I knew people that had done this than it would seem more logical to just look there for registry stuff.  Probably just takes some getting used to, like any new tradition.  I’m curious, though.  If you post the registry on the website, how is that different than putting it in the invite?  You’re still asking for/expecting gifts in ‘some people’s’ *ahem* minds if you even HAVE a registry, I would assume. 

Post # 66
Member
769 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

View original reply
@luckyprincess: Yeah, I like wedding websites, b/c I can get directions, find hotel blocks, see if there are other activities (welcome party, farewell brunch), registry info, etc.  All of that would be a LOT to include in an invite, so I think it’s nice to have a website for all of that info.

Post # 67
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Usually, I’ve gotten registry cards with bridal shower invites, but I definitely wouldn’t be offended if someone sent me a registry card with the wedding invite. It is very helpful to have that information so I know exactly where to go and what to get!

Post # 69
Member
19 posts
Newbee

I have been to dozens of weddings in the last 5 years (average 5-6 per year), and have NEVER received an invitation with a registry card in it. The registry information has always been included with the bridal shower invitation or on the couple’s wedding web site. I have never heard a complaint about this, and never heard of anybody having difficulty learning where the couple was registered.

Post # 70
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

View original reply
@JrzyGurl:  I wasn’t judging the OP – she admitted she made a mistake with the registry cards because she didn’t know it was bad manners to include them at the time she sent them.  While I’m glad she didn’t get a negative reaction, I also thought it important for other brides reading this thread to understand that while some people are fine receiving registry cards, many people do, in fact, find them offensive and rude and that proper etiquette does not condone this practice. 

That’s when people started piling on me for my opinion and my audacity at actually knowing and following correct wedding etiquette. 

Post # 71
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

View original reply
@luckyprincess:  That’s what our website was like…no photos, no “we love each other so much!” kind of messaging (which is cool, but not us).  Ours just had information (registry info included).  I will say that people aren’t using it too much and it’s a bit frustrating to answer the 1001 questions about hotels and parking and directions when they are all laid out on the website with maps.

View original reply
@dynamic_duo:  I think that it was really helpful that you posted this.  In my circle of friends, it wouldn’t be cool to include registry info on the invites…people would be put off.  That being said, to each their own.  It sounds like you had a really positive response and did the right thing for your guests.  It sounds like you were following the golden rule of etiquette/good manners (IMO): to put your guests at ease and to ensure that they are taken care of and appreciated. 

Post # 72
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I wouldn’t mind if I got a registry card with a wedding invitation.  Frankly, I think it would make things easier.  Instead of tracking down people who know where the couple is registered, it’s right in front of you!

I agree with the poster who said that a lot of the etiquette is becoming outdated.  My social circle doesn’t follow strict etiquette.  Nobody cares if I emboss my invitations, nobody cares if my sister throws my bridal shower.  I think those things really depend on your social circle more than anything. 

 

Post # 73
Member
7298 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
@rollercoaster: Thank you! It’s funny how some people pretend to be all high and mighty and they don’t follow half the etiquette rules for a wedding. People act like they are royality. And you know what I say? If people are so offended they stop talking to us then oh well. We don’t want stuffy people in our lives anyway. ^_^

Can you tell I am working hard at that offbeat bride award? lol

Post # 74
Member
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
@dynamic_duo: No, sorry, we can’t edit out off-topic or otherwise generally annoying posts.  The best thing to do would be disengage the threadjacker if you want people to stay on topic.

On-topic: I was disappointed that no one visited my website too!  I worked really hard at making a bunch of pages for people to browse if they wanted.  But all our info was up front on the main page, so they didn’t have to browse if they didn’t want to.  My Maid/Matron of Honor went to her secret page, and she browsed all the other pages too.  But that was it.  My mom didn’t even bother because she “already [knew] all the details, why would [she] need to visit the website?”

We didn’t register for much, but I felt obligated.  In the end we got gift cards anyway, so I felt silly about it.  Then I had a bunch of people ask why I didn’t include the registry info in the invite.  Thus the reason I despise that “rule.”  Because apparently no one in my social circle/family has ever read the “rule” about including registry cards and they had the same reaction as your co-workers.

Post # 75
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

If you think good manners are the domain of only the rich and/or snobby then you really are ignorant about what good manners are all about.  Pick up a Miss Manners book – you might find it interesting as well as enlightening. 

Post # 76
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

View original reply
@lisa105:  While you might be “by the book” correct Lisa, I don’t know if it would be considered correct to bludgeon people with said book.  If in some circles it is actually considered rude to NOT include the cards with the invitation, is it not rude to a) not  respect the feelings of that circle, and b) to try to lord one’s “correctness” over the supposed clods/plebes who dare to follow what is considered polite in said circle?  Isn’t there something said about “when in Rome…”?  Emily Post may have never visited Poland, small villages, the Middle East…in fact, I really sincerely doubt that she did.  She was not exposed to other cultures and/or ways of doing things.  She could hardly anticipate that we would be living in a multi-cultural society.  I’ve noticed that Emily Post’s family is continually updating (I saw something about thank you emails being acceptable for bread and butter notes, etc)…to make themselves and their business more relevant in today’s world.  

In any case, the OP was trying to offer some help to brides who were concerned that they had done something unforgivable (etiquette wise) by saying that her friends and family thought she was being helpful….IMO this is exactly what this website is about: helping other brides navigate the world of weddings in a safe supportive place.    

The topic ‘a report on real life responses to registry cards in invitations’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors