(Closed) a report on real life responses to registry cards in invitations

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 93
Member
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Far be it for me to typically defend Lisa105; (Sorry to call you out; but I do find your responses hard to handle & absorb sometimes) But here I do kind of have to agree with you. I do think the whole registry thing is rude. Sending any kind of card even with my shower invites is not going to happen on my end. I’m going to spread the word to family and Bridesmaids of that real quick. I don’t really even want to register; but I know I will be pushed to by many. Anyway That’s how I feel on the subject. I do know plenty of people who wouldn’t be offended by it. I know most of my family will probably be more annoyed that I don’t include it because they will be “flying blind” without a registry since it’s so typical these days. So it’s not that I’m going to judge others for doing it; it’s just my personal preference not to and I actually don’t usually use other people’s when they send one. I try and get a gift from the heart that will actually be a surprise. I think that is really what gift giving is about. Even if the couple throws it away. I hope that I know them enough to find a good gift I know they need or will love.

I would like to comment though that while Lisa105 opinion is usually pretty strong on things; I don’t think it’s any better for many people to be calling her out and telling her that her opinion is wrong. Your basically doing the same thing. And whats worse is that there are even moderators doing it. I think we all need to take a deep breath and realize that this is a discussion forum. People have many opions. I know I loose my cool sometimes. That’s when I have to log off and step back.

Post # 94
Member
899 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

As a bride from the UK, I’m finding these boards a real eye-opener to weddings in the US. This thread is just one of the examples. In the last 3 years I’ve been to 10 weddings. All except one have had some sort of registry-type present organisation. I honestly couldn’t tell you if it was written in little letters on the invite/on a separate card/when you went to their website, it was just part of the post.

It doesn’t make me feel like I have to buy the couple a present, or that they are in some way being demanding. Simply that they have a list of things I could buy to make my life easier. I have bought from the registry, and I have bought different, personal presents. I’ve probably been to a wedding and not bought any gift.

The one wedding that didn’t have any sort of registry, had a note asking us to make a specific charitable donation instead of buying a gift. That was lovely too.

We’re not getting married for a while yet, and at the moment the idea of a registry is rather daunting, but when it gets closer I imagine we will have one. And we’ll probably mention it in the wedding invite.

RainStorm x

 

Post # 95
Member
9024 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I must disagree with the OP, people do NOT expect  registry cards with the invitations, ofcourse in your situation since you mailed them together and then asked people how they felt about it,they werent going to come out and tell you that it was a tacky thing because they dont want you to feel bad. I dont think its the end of the world to send registry info with the invites, but I dont know any person who actually EXPECTS a registry card with their invite, thats pushing it to say the least.

Post # 96
Member
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

View original reply
@angiexox:

Wait, what?  it’s not proper to include rsvp cards with your wedding invitation??  how then do the hosts know who is and is not coming?  should they instead field 100 or so phone calls and keep a list, is that more proper?? 

honestly i give up.  in what world is a rsvp card not proper, but a wedding website is because it is somehow more convenient for guests?  last time i checked everyone (in the U.S. anyway) has access to a mailbox, not everyone has access to the internet.  if a bride followed all these ‘rules’ she would spontaneous combust long before the ceremony. 

i think the wedding etiquette police have it in their heads that weddings are above all else about the guest, and that is fundamentally incorrect.  people can argue about this all day long but the short and skinny is that a wedding can happen without guests, it cannot happen without the actual bride and groom.  details, details.

i know this is off topic and i apologize to others, but this really blows my mind.  have fun.

Post # 97
Member
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I am glad that no one made you feel bad about putting registry info in the invite.  It is not the end of the world. 

Post # 98
Member
7298 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
@j.grossman13: That’s what proper etiquette says. To include a RSVP card inplies that your guests are stupid and don’t know how to pick up a phone or write a note or something to send back to you.

See! Other countries are laughing at us! Oh, and since the above person was from the UK, wouldn’t it be a kick in the nuts if Prince William and Kate included registry cards in their invites. Then everyone would feel it was okay because the royals did it!

Post # 99
Member
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Yep crazy right.  So the guest is suppose to hand write a letter, call you, e mail you, pigeon carrier you a message to tell you whether they are coming or not.  If you include the R.s.v.p. then it is like saying “hey guest, you are too stupid to figure out how to let me know whether you are coming to the party”  But then people started including the cards bc ppl werent R.s.v.ping.

Post # 100
Member
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Omg i am so very lost.  This stuff makes it all the more miraculous that people not only manage to hook up, but actually make it to marriage.  i think a lot of this back and forth as more to do with cultural differences a la what Miss Tattoo said. 

maybe from now on all etiquette related posts should have country of origin in the first paragraph, might save some confusion later. 

hey all, have a great Turkey day, even if you are in the UK!

Post # 101
Member
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
@DemoDreamer: I’m not saying anyone’s opinion is wrong.  I’m saying there is a better way to communicate that opinion.  You seem to have managed to state yours without being rude.  Is that so hard?

In the immortal words of Barry Goldwater:

“To disagree, one doesn’t have to be disagreeable.”

Post # 103
Member
219 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

View original reply
@dynamic_duo: You were perfectly clear with the OP and already had to clarify at least one other time in this thread.  This invitation stuff is like a religion to some people I guess and they only hear what they want to hear and retort accordingly. 

I appreciate the real life ‘field work’ you’ve reported on.

Post # 104
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@Purpleunicorn its great that you posted this! Its nice to know that you arent dead from turning over the etiquette world *laugh*

Post # 105
Member
2054 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

To the OP…I actually have gotten a good mix of invites…some have had the registry info and some havent. I found my way to their registries online regardless so to me…either way IS FINE ! It just doesnt matter to me either way.

What we did is we put the website address on the save the dates…and we have gotten 872 hits on our website…and if you take the 100 times we looked at it ourselves….its ALMOST 800!! Our registry info is on there loud and clear! So in my case it seems to be working like a charm to have my website listed and registry info on my website.

Post # 106
Member
630 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

View original reply
@MightySapphire:

“I dare you to reply to ONE thread without threadjacking for your own personal soapbox or being generally rude, argumentative, and condescending.  Frankly I know I’m not the only one getting sick of your CONSTANT badgering of our members since almost EVERY thread you post gets flagged at least once.

Figure out how to play nice.”

FINALLY. 

 

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