(Closed) A Rock and A Hard Place – Flower Girl/Ring Boy

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

Unless they are very immature for their ages, I can’t imagine them ‘putting on shows’ at your wedding. Your Fiance doesn’t sound very tolerant from what you’ve said, and if he doesn’t want them in the wedding and you’ve agreed to be on his side, what exactly is it you want to do? Know how to approach your family about it?

Personally, I’d have them in the wedding, but that’s me. It just wouldn’t be worth it to estrange my family over one day,no matter what.

Post # 6
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

No….usually he’s taken care of before and getting ready, by his own Dad. Nobody would expect him to be hanging out with the men (at least I’ve never seen it).

His role is minimal and then, other than a few pictures, he’ll be like every other guest. Seat them with their families if you’re worried about them. They’ll be fine.

 

Post # 8
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

@MrsTimmy: Then she’ll get him ready as she probably already does for other things. Once he is, have him stay close to your Mom until its time for the ceremony. If you’re having all the bridal party seated together, better yet…his Mom will be able to keep an eye on him.

It would be much harder if he was younger than he is.

Post # 9
Member
2657 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think u can trust these kids to behave.They arent like they are 4 or 5 year olds who cant sit still for anything.

Post # 10
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

At 8 and 9, they should be old enough to behave.  The wedding coordinator at my church was extremely relieved with my flower girl is 7 and ring bearer is 8.  My ring bearer (my little brother) is even being allowed to have the actual rings, as he’s older and will be supervized by my mother.

Post # 11
Member
2701 posts
Sugar bee

It is your day. Your Fiance and you should be a cohesive unit, and you have already agreed to stand by him and honor his decision. He has a very valid point. Despite age, children do have the tendency to create attention and happenings that are not appropriate at weddings. Your wedding should be about you and your Fiance, it literally has nothing to do with your niece and nephew. I am sorry you family feels that it is required to include them but perhaps it is time to remind them that ring bearers and flower girls are not required. They are optional, like decorations. And it is completely acceptable to not have them. IMO a wedding without children is both more mature and allows the spotlight to be on the most important aspect of the day- you and your Fiance. It is in fact YOUR wedding, not theirs.

Post # 12
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Pardon me for being so blunt, but it seems to me as your family doesnt care what you want but only what they want. They want to see the children in the wedding, It really doesnt matter to you one way or the other. Explain this to them. YOU have already made one HUGE sacrifice and that was bringing your wedding across the country when the guests should have come to YOU. Its your day. Do as you wish. YOU stand by your man. NOT THEM. Its sad but they are YOUR family and honestly unless you STAND up to them they will continue to make it about THEM and NOT YOU!!!

Post # 13
Member
7387 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@janaeesiss: <— what she said.

The nerve. Why are some parents so pressed about making their kids ‘stars’ of someone elses wedding? I don’t understand. As if your neice and nephew when they are 30 years old are going to look back on this as if its some defining moment of their lives. Puleeze.

Post # 14
Member
3261 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t think its right that your Fiance first used the excuse “oh the kids will outshine you” if they have temper tantrums (which they probably wont), when really, he just doesn’t seem to want them there because he doesn’t want to play babysitter on his wedding day (also understandable, but probably unlikely).

 

bottom line, if you want them to stand up in your wedding, express your concerns to Fiance. if you really dont want them to, they wont, and everyone should move along because it is YOUR wedding.

Post # 16
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

It seems like you are the only one giving in this situation between you, your Fiance and your family. I would tell your family that you have accomodated them enough by having the wedding where they are, but you do not want to have a ring bearer or flower girl (they seem a litttle old for those roles anyway). Its not your fault that someone told them they were going to be in the wedding anyway. 

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