Post # 1
They’re both the same weekend.
The wedding side: I’ve known this friend for years, we drifted apart then reconnected (along with my husband and her fiance) recently since we’re all living in the same city now. We see them a lot because of living close, and will continue to build the relationship for as long as we can. I’ve known about this wedding for months. Just recieved the offical RSVP.
The bachelorette party side: I’ve known her for a few years, she is husband’s brother’s future wife. I was invited in a very causal way through a text message, and not even given the full information. I just learned about this party recently (after I had known about the wedding). I wasn’t asked about my avaliability for a date like other bachelorette parties i’ve been invited to this year, so she doesn’t know I had this other potential conflict, so it’s just a situation of “these things happen”
Which event do I go to? What would you do? I am so stuck. Darling Husband supports either decision. The party will be much more expensive since it’s travel, and we don’t see her and his brother very often, so it’s kind of a situation where it’s officially family but the friend’s we have a more up-to-date relationship with.
Thanks Bees. Boy is life filled with tough decisions sometimes.
Note: Doing both is not an option. The wedding is a whole weekend affair.
Post # 2
- Wedding: May 2019 - City, State
I would go to the wedding. A bachelorette party is fun, but really not that important in the long run. Your friend’s wedding is more important and I’d expect that your Future Sister-In-Law would agree.
Post # 3
Wedding > bachelorette. You can celebrate your SIL’s wedding at her wedding.
Post # 4
bluebee19 : I can’t imagine skipping my friends wedding to attend a bachelorette party…
Post # 5
Wedding trumps bachelorette party.
Post # 6
If your SIL is upset, ask her how she would feel if you skipped her wedding to attend someone else’s bachelorette party.
Post # 7
bluebee19 : wedding bc, it was a foraml invite, and it is an actual major event. This friend seems like a close friend as well, not just any friend.
Bachelorette party was an informal, last minute invite. Just politely decline and say you have already made plans, but cant wait for her wedding 🙂
Post # 8
Wedding trumps bachelorette for sure, especially if you heard about and committed to the wedding first.
Post # 9
This is a no brainer. A bachelorette party is not even in the same universe of importance. It’s an optional and minor pre-wedding event, not even approved or “officially” recognized by etiquette. Anything other than a local night on the town would be a no from me in any case.
Post # 10
bluebee19 : a bachelorette party is not nearly on the level of a wedding… I can’t even wrap my head around this being a difficult decision….
Obviously, go to the wedding…
Post # 11
I don’t think it’s a straight wedding over bachelorette question. I would pick my best friend’s bachelorette over a distant friend’s wedding. In your case you knew about the wedding in advance and you aren’t even that close to Future Sister-In-Law so it seems like a clear decision to pick the wedding, I’m actually surprised you are torn on this.
Post # 12
Go to your friends wedding, this is an important milestone that you can celebrate with her and wont likely get the chance again. A bachelorette party is fun but is nowhere near the importance of a wedding.
Post # 13
zzar45 : the only way I would ever choose a bachelorette (or any other pre-wedding party) over an actual wedding is if the wedding was one that requires travel and it’s a couple I’m not close enough with to justify traveling for. Basically, I would never skip a wedding for a bachelorette if I wasn’t already going to skip the wedding in the first place. It just seems absurd to even compare the two.
Post # 14
Thank you all. I want to do the wedding, but didn’t know if that was rude to future family, and if you read my other post there are some things happening in this relationship I’m trying to navigate! lol
Post # 15
I never compared the two at all, I’m comparing relationships.
I would pick the person I was the closest to if it was an event that was important to them; bachelorette, birthday, vacation together etc over an event for someone else that I am not as close to.
Obviously other things come into it, if you verbally agreed to one I don’t think you can choose the other event months later for example.