- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2013
I will start by saying that I hope not to make this post overly long!
Overall, it has been a difficult time for me. I am dealing with major health issues, my husband is currently job searching (he has a FT job but it pays terribly, and we need more income and better health insurance), we are having major issues with our landlord, and we live far enough from friends that it is difficult to socialize often. All background issues, but they have contributed to me generally feeling stressed and isolated.
So, Saturday afternoon we went to hang out with my husband’s friends for the night. Unfortunately, we don’t get to see them too often because everyone lives in different areas and have very different work schedules. The entire night I felt a bit out of the loop because there was heavy drinking and I was the only one who didn’t participate- I am estimating that including during dinner most people had 3-6 drinks. (I get severe migraines, and even when I just have 1 drink, I almost always get a migraine.)
The problem started when we were all talking during a game. The topic of health benefits for moderate drinkers came up, and so were were discussing what would be a healthy drink that could be beneficial. I mentioned that I have read that Guinness was found to have health benefits. My husband’s friend (let’s call him H) said that he doesn’t believe any of those studies, and that Guinness is a terrible beer “made by accident”- apparently he said they were going for a high alcohol content? So I said, “well, a lot of good things have been made by accident.” I explained that since it doesn’t have a high alcohol content, it is less likely to give me a migraine, but he just dismissed that, saying “It is still a crap beer, and people who drink a lot know that.” I was really annoyed, and I said, “I used to drink regularly, and I still like Guinness.” He said condescendingly, “Honey, you don’t even know what that means.” He also joked that “Irish people suck at making things.” I am Irish-American, and have visited Ireland 3 times, so I really don’t appreciate Irish jokes, even if they aren’t meant to be taken seriously. At that point, I felt really upset because he was being really rude and disrespectful, so I excused myself. I ended up crying in the kitchen, and then my husband found me and we decided to leave.
Our other friends there came up and hugged us when we told them we were leaving, and said goodbye. However, H and his wife did not only not get up off the couch as we were saying goodbye, they didn’t say goodbye to us, period.
I hate that this event really bothered me because I don’t feel like I really did anything wrong! It also sucks because this is someone my husband has been friends with since high school (he was a groomsmen) and his friends generally always hang out in a group, so it would be awkward to avoid him. I sort of have a history of issues with H (he was a MAJOR asshole one of the first times I met him). I also have had a hard time interacting with his wife- she isn’t exactly rude but doesn’t make much effort to socialize with me when I see her, so it always feels so awkward. On top of it, we were not invited to H and his wife’s wedding last year (even though my husband had already asked H to be a groomsmen in our wedding at that point.) I get that it was a small wedding, but we felt really left out because other friends were invited.
Anyways… I just hate that this incident upset me so much. I feel like I need to grow a thicker skin… but how do you do that? I am a very sensitive/perceptive person by nature, which often translates to me being more aware of other peoples feelings but other people not being nearly as aware of mine. It is something that I would like to talk to a counselor about, but right now my health insurance doesn’t cover therapy. We are also looking to move soon, so it would be hard to start even more affordable counseling sponsored through the county, or something like that.
Does anyone have any advice? Hugs would also be accepted!