(Closed) A rude friend- and the problems of being overly sensitive

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 18
Member
3108 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@chocolatecoveredstrawberry:  Whether you call it an argument or a debate, the message is the same — if you’re prone to getting your feelings hurt, don’t debate with a drunk person who happens to also be a jerk when he’s sober. If you’re in a situation like that, rather than prolonging it, just try to blow him off or brush it off — don’t continue to argue your point.

Post # 19
Member
30388 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@chocolatecoveredstrawberry:  It’s hard for me to believe that someone who has graduated from college has not heard of assertiveness training, but now that you have, I suggest you find some courses where you live.

We took one in high school and I have taken others several times in my nursing career. One of the techniques we were taught to help us not to react to rude patients was to visulaize ourselves covered head to toe in a white veil (particularly appropriate for Bees) that nothing could penetrate. Nothing the patients could say or do could penetrate our veil.

“Remember the veil.”

Post # 21
Member
266 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

drunk people can be a-holes- just to let it go, this idiot adds no value to your life so don’t talk to him at future parties

Post # 22
Member
30388 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@chocolatecoveredstrawberry:  I apologize if I hurt your feelings.

I was honestly shocked that you had not heard of assertiveness training, and I did not call you an idiot.

You are a sensitive person and would benefit from such a course.

Post # 23
Member
4044 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@chocolatecoveredstrawberry:  I have never heard of assertiveness training also and I graduated from college AND grad school. I think people are being a bit rude on this topic! 

I am VERY sensitive so I completely understand where you are coming from! This guy sounds like a total jerk-off. I would just try to avoid him and his wife when you are at parties, or maybe choose to stay home if you know there will be heavy drinking going on because I know how ANNOYING it can be when you are sober and everyone else is drunk! 

Post # 24
Member
1345 posts
Bumble bee

I understand how you feel because I’m a very sensitive person too, and sometimes being so empathetic and being able to feel/see what’s going on inside of other people can be emotionally exhausting.

There is actually a scientific term for people who are born very sensitive — they’re called “Highly Sensitive People” (HSP) and we make about 20% of the world population and there’s actually research and studies done on how people who are HSP are wired differently than the rest of the population.  There’s a book that’s been written on the subject (just look up HSP on amazon, the author’s name is Elaine Aron) and it gives great insight on why you’re so sensitive and how navigating life is more difficult for HSPs.  The book gives some great advice on how to take care of yourself and how to handle difficult situations.  The thing is, most of the advice we’re taught like “just suck it up and do it” or “push yourself to the max, no pain no gain” are actually horrible advice for people who are HSP.  People who are HSP actually need a lot of quiet time, rest, and it’s really important that you surround yourself with the right people because you are so sensitive.

I’d highly recommend you check out the book by Elaine Aron, “The Highly Sensitive Person.”  I’ve been in therapy before for my sensitivity issues and I got the same advice about “assertiveness training” but NONE of it did anything to help how much everything pained me so much.  But after reading that book and doing some of my own research, it has helped me tremendously and now I am SO much stronger and able to handle rude and extremely difficult people much better and easier.

Good-luck to you!  Being an HSP can be very painful, but it’s a wonderful gift that not everyone has so embrace your wonderful uniqueness!

Post # 25
Member
644 posts
Busy bee

@chocolatecoveredstrawberry:  I do understand where you’re coming from – I used to be really sensitive and want everyone to like me (not that’s how you are, it’s just how I was!), and then one day these girls at college were just SUCH bitches to me and said all sorts of really shitty things to me. Something in my head just clicked and that was it, I decided from then on that I wouldn’t put up with crap people and now if someone pisses me off I either give them a piece of my mind or just completely blank them (which is the approach I would’ve taken in your situation so as to not cause a scene). Honestly, it makes like SO much easier! I hope you find a way to cope with ignorant people that you’re comfortable with.

 

Post # 26
Member
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

His comment was condescending. “Honey, you don’t even know what that means.” That sounds like mansplaining, which always gets my goat. Very annoying and unnecessary.

That said, your reaction does seem a bit OTT. You admit that you are a pretty sensitive person, so have you considered maybe some therapy or other type of training? Anything that would give you confidence would help. (I’ve even heard great things about Toastmasters for learning how to express yourself clearly and strongly!)

Really, in this kind of situation, all you needed to do was blatantly ignore this moron. People like that look for the response, and by leaving the room and being upset, he got it. Next time, don’t give him the satisfaction. Also, your husband dropped the ball majorly. His friend spoke disrespectfully to you; he should have called him out on it. “H, don’t talk down to Chocolatecoveredstrawberry; she’s entitled to her opinions.”

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