Member“A son’s a son until he takes a wife, a daughter’s a daughter all of her life.”
Do you all agree with this statement? Is this how your relationships with your parents/in laws have gone once you married?
I think I’m asking because this is what my friends and I thought would happen, but didn’t necessarily. I’ve only known female dominated households though, so maybe that makes a difference?
MemberI don’t really know how to interpret that quote. But with my inlaws, my husband is very much still a son to his mother. He helps her with alot, and tries to include her in our lives alot. She helps us alot too, so it’s very symbiotic relationship. Although most of our family is like this anyways. Meaning, I am still a daughter to my mom as well, and we too have a very give and take type of relationship.
MemberMy Mother-In-Law DEFINTELY believes this. During our wedding she kept crying or venting to my mother about how she’s “lost her son”. Needless to say, my mom is not fond of my Mother-In-Law.
My DH is such a mama’s boy though, so I don’t think anything has changed with his relationship with his mother. It does bother me though because I wish he’d cut the cord already.
MemberI hate that saying. My brothers are still sons despite being married for years now and starting families of their own. To be honest I just don’t understand that saying at all.
MemberHonestly, it depends on whether the “son” has a bitch for a mother. If she is a decent human being, he is a son for life. Hellhound=till he takes a wife.
MemberWe’ve stayed close with both sets of parents since getting married.
MemberSadly, I am very bitter towards my parents…. I have actually lost all respect for them before their divorce (which for me was a long time coming). So, a daughter for life does not apply in my situation.
Mother-In-Law is the queen bee of her family and her sons are always seeking her advice. They respect her very much and that hasn’t changed after I married one of them. If anything she took me in as one of her own.
MemberIn my FI’s case, this doesn’t apply. His Mom passed away a year ago, but even prior he wasn’t close with his parents to fulfill that quote. When he turned 18, his Dad said that he’s really no longer their son, but another family member in their lives (FFIL said the same thing to Future Brother-In-Law when he turned 18). So, Fiance is “son” in name only, not really in its fullest capacity, though.
For myself, how the quote applies to me is tricky, as well. I became the caregiver to my parents when I was 16, so our daughter/parent relationship really changed and I became the parent to them. Yes, I’m still their daughter and go to them for advice, call them “Mom and Dad,” but it’s difficult to establish our relationship given how much the lines have blurred.
MemberIt goes with the bible verse about the man leaving his family and cleaving to his wife. Never mentions the woman doing the same thing. I am pretty sure it means he is to become the head of his household and not still be under his parents rule anymore.
MemberMy son will be my son forever; nothing takes that away or changes it. My DH will almost be his mother’s son, his wife’s husband, my sons step father, and his siblings brother. Nothing changes he just gained a new family to go with the one he already had just like me. Now we are one BIG family.
I don’t know it if changes via culture but Italians (well our family of Italians) join families as one the same time he and I joined as one it’s just the way we do it.
MemberI don’t think the quote means they can’t be good friends, etc. It just means that when men get married they are supposed to cut the apron strings. No more family meddling, being treated like a child etc.
This hasn’t really been my experience (my in laws are nice, not meddlers, so this isn’t me I’m talking about). But it always seems to be the husband’s mom who’s the meddler and fights with the wife over who’s the main woman in the son’s life.
MemberThis is weird. Some marriage traditions and adages are sooooooo outdated that they seem silly in the modern context.
MemberThat is what happened with my brother and it caused a lot of angst for our mother. I’m really sensitive to how much it can hurt, so I’ve made sure that we visit and communicate with Future In-Laws as much as my parents.
ETA: Posted before I saw your clarification about meddling. That’s not what I thought the saying meant. In my brother’s case, it felt to most of us like he left our family and joined hers, for a variety of reasons.
MemberI don’t see what’s so offensive about this quote. It is what it is. There’s truth to it.
Member@sportsgal31 Well I feel like when it does happen, it’s ALWAYS the wife’s fault. Like it’s the wife’s fault for not calling and not visiting as much as they used to.
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