- 3 years ago
So we are having a destination wedding with a realatively small wedding party compared to some; my side will be my 3 best friends and maybe my SIL (more on that later, but as of right now I’m basically counting her out), and on my Fiance’s side just his 2 friends. I decided against choosing one of my friends to be maid of honor. Mostly because I am equally very close with all of them, and genuinely feel bad having to pick one that is MOST important lol, but also because there are specific reasons I don’t want to put that “extra” pressure on for each of them.
My fiance is kind of for the idea of also not having a best man as well. He has 1 friend whom he has more history with, where they always told each other they’d be each other’s best mans at their weddings, but in more recent years isn’t as close with as he use to be. Then there’s the other friend who is also his business partner whom he’s grown closer with more recently. The 2 of them are not at all friends with each other, and whoever he chooses, the other would be pretty offended. So he’s very back and forth on having either the longer-history friend be the best man, or neither, but leaning toward former as he’s already esentially confirmed he wanted him to be best man when we first got engaged.
So I wasn’t sure what to do about the speeches. Fiance said if he does have a best man he’d like him to do the whole speech thing at the reception, but I think it’d could be awkward for just the best man do the speech and not have one of my bridesmaids do one. But the more I thought about it I do think it’d be nice to have those moments with our friends. I had the idea to ask my 3 friends to do like a coordinated speech between them, so they take turns talking? Is that weird? 2 of the girls I’ve known since Pre-school and the 3rd joined our group in highschool, we are all equally close with each other with no “middle man” friends among us, so I feel like they could all share in telling of the same story and our friendship. Has anyone done or seen anything like this? Is this a weird thing to ask of them? Would it be better to suck it up and just ask one to be maid of honor?
However, this poses further issue if my SIL becomes a bridesmaid, which is a whole seperate issue I’d like advise on in itself. I was a bridesmaid at her and my brother’s wedding, though we were never close. Other than me it was her own sister and an old friend from college, though my brother had around 6 groomsman so I’m pretty positive I was only even asked to help pad out her side of the party, which is totally fine and I was happy to be a part of their wedding. That being said, I honestly only asked her to be a bridesmaid because I did feel a little obligated since she asked me. I was so surprised though how awkward it was when I asked her! I did the whole “Bridesmaid proposal box” and gave it to her at thanksgiving (not really in front of everyone, just shortly after we first got there and everyone was off mingly amonst each other), and she just was smiling looking at the things in the box, but with a very obvious, uncomfortable “oh crap oh crap”, fake excitement, demenor. So, totally catching this vibe from her I finally break the silence with “So it’s ok if you don’t want to let me know right away, it’s fine if you want to think about it.” My no-boundaries uncle overhears the whole thing and light-heartedly goes “What? Are you not going to be going??” and she says “Well of course we’ll be going, I’m just not sure…” and I came to her aide saying “yea it’s a big responsibility, she’s allowed to think about it” and it’s very awkwardly kind of left at that. This was Thanksgiving as I mentioned, and here we are 2 months later and she hasn’t given me an answer or even brought up the wedding despite having seen her multiple times over the holidays, so I’m pretty positive she has no interest in being a bridesmaid. I am 100% not upset and quite frankly, would be glad if she weren’t. I was wondering if it’d be tactless of me to level with her and say something like “Look, I’m getting the vibe you’d rather not be a bridesmaid. If I’m wrong in my observation the offer totally still stands and I’d be happy for you to be one, but please know that if you’d rather not then I totally understand and would not be upset in the least.” I just don’t want her to accept out of feelings of obligation when I myself would rather her not be one at this point. Not to mention the whole speech thing, wouldn’t it be weird to have my 3 friends do the speech and her be the only one left out?
Uhg, wedding politics…