A surprise wedding

posted 2 weeks ago in Reception
Post # 2
Member
244 posts
Helper bee

Wow your Mother-In-Law sounds really really pushy!

I can see where she probably thinks she’s doing it out of love for you guys, and I think she probably feels like she has “good intentions” but that is pretty selfish and over the top of her! It’s your wedding celebration and she honestly should’ve consulted you first.

Post # 3
Member
8820 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

surprisewedding :  It certainly was inappropriate of her, but I don’t think approaching it that way will be effective. I would leave out any judgement and instead just tell her that it’s not convenient so you won’t be able to make it and you hope she and her guests have a lovely time. This should come from your husband btw. 

Post # 4
Member
244 posts
Helper bee

I agree with Daisy_Mae : here. I think it’s inappropiate but I don’t think you should tell her off or anything like that.

Post # 5
Member
3212 posts
Sugar bee

Let your husband handle it. 

Post # 7
Member
288 posts
Helper bee

It’s a tough one. If I were you I’d be mad right now, but it’s also a delicate situation. I think there is no point in telling her that it was inappropriate and startling an argument. Maybe something in the lines of: “we really appreciate your generosity but since you never discussed this event with us, we already made other plans and cannot cancel them. We hope that you and your guests will have a great time. Next time you plan an event, you will need to discuss it with us in advance if you want to assure our participation.” If she ever tries to throw a party too big for your taste or impose her choices on you, respond gently but firmly that you are doing things differently as a couple. Boundaries are clearly essential here.

 

Post # 9
Member
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

I dont nessacerily think what she did was bad in throwing the party but its rather dumb to throw a party and not check the guests of honor are free and can attend lol.

Post # 10
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee

We feel it’s important that we set boundaries early on. 

You are absolutely correct – good for you guys for recognizing this. There is no way I would participate in this party – she has massively overstepped. She is not “being kind and generous”. It’s about her.

Post # 11
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee

And to announce it in front of a group of people!  Putting you two in the awkward position of pretending to happily go along with it so as not to make a scene.  I can’t.

Please please don’t attend her reception.  If she wins it will set a very bad precendent moving forward.

Post # 12
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I can only answer for how my husband and I would deal with this, but I will say we would not be attending.  Like you said, boundaries need to be set.  If you go along with this surprise wedding reception, where does it stop? (It won’t).  There will be surprise baptisms, kids’ birthday parties, graduation parties….basically anytime a party is not planned to the standard she wants it, “Surprise!  Guess what?  I’m throwing Little Bobby another 1st birthday party since we couldn’t hold it at my house!”

You could Skype into the party and say “Sorry, due to the nature of the surprise and us already having plans that weekend, we couldn’t make it.  We did want to show our love and appreciation to all of you for attending” etc etc etc etc.

Post # 13
Member
11974 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

This was so inappropriate. I don’t agree with just making an excuse that you are busy. People like this need boundaries and to understand they can’t just spring plans like this on you, now or in the future. If she wants to consult you both, and change the date and location you are willng to consider a reception, but not like this. The destination aspect is even more inappropriate, especially expecting you and other guests to pay for transportation and accomodations. 

Good luck with this one. She is quite the character. 

Post # 14
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2020

Wow! So sorry you are going through this, what an award situation. :/ surprisewedding :  

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