(Closed) A tad annoyed with FIL’s guest list

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2849 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I understand why you don’t think it’s fair that they get to invite co-workers, etc. I would be upset too, but if your parents are paying and they don’t mind, then it might not be worth making a big deal over. Are they inviting the same number of guests as your family is? Maybe his side has less family members, so they are filling their spots with friends and co-workers. If they are inviting more guests than your family, then I would tell them that each side gets X amount of people to keep things fair. 

Post # 5
Member
2849 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Legallyblondiebride: Everyone has a different idea of who is considered very important, lol. I know your mom said she doesn’t mind, but maybe bring it up to her and let her know who is on the list. She will find out eventually when you guys start addressing invitations, etc. If she still doesn’t mind, then I would let it go. 

Post # 7
Member
487 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You have a right to be annoyed but I am not sure what you can actually do about it apart from gently talking to them and saying you need to make number cuts. Remind them that your parents are paying a lot of money for this already and have not been able to invite as many people as they might have liked perhaps?

Post # 8
Member
5423 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2012

@Legallyblondiebride: i would just tell them that due to a TIGHT (and emphasize tight) budget they need to rethink their list?

Post # 9
Member
266 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think you have a right to be upset, buuuuut since your parents are fine with the number, maybe you can invite some people you REALLY wanted there but didn’t think you’d have room for and politely inform his parents that while you appreciate that those other parties are here for you on your special day it would be an intimate setting and you aren’t close to these other people

 

I don’t understand where the hell people come off!

Post # 10
Member
2849 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Legallyblondiebride: By the way, I totally agree with your mom about times changing. I think it’s unfair that all the grooms parents are supposed to pay for is the rehearsal dinner and then maybe something small on top of that, especially if they have the money to help more. This is how my Future Father-In-Law is. He’s a lawyer and is only giving us $1,000 toward the wedding and a small rehearsal dinner. My Fiance and I are paying for most of the wedding ourselves. 

Post # 11
Member
5761 posts
Bee Keeper

If you didn’t give them many parameters other than to let you know the most important ones to be included, it sounds like that’s what they did. If you said they could invite just 10 (or whatever number you picked) they probably would have narrowed it down a bit more.

What we did was to gather all names from both sides and the B&G and then started eliminating based on who could and who should be invited. The list was chopped down from 200 to 140. We personally invited just 2 couples to each wedding, and the FIL’s invited the same. Many times people have no idea how to go about it if they haven’t planned a wedding in many years, and there’s many schools of thought on how to make it work best. Some will split it down the middle by family and some will do it in thirds (parents and B&G), and I’m sure there are even more ways to get it to be manageable without hurting feelings. It probably would have helped to decide early on by the size of the budget and the venue, than to get anyone upset after the fact.

I’m sure you’ll get it worked out. Good luck!

Post # 12
Member
266 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Bichon Frise: That’s shit.  I have a friend who’s parents are the same way her mom is single with a teenager, his parents are in suuuuuch a better place and they won’t BUDGE on what they are “supposed” to do

Post # 14
Member
266 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Legallyblondiebride: I’m so glad my fi’s parents aren’t interested at all. they don’t get a guest list. They will show up where they’re told and stand where they’re told and that’ll be the end of it. I got lucky

Post # 16
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

You asked for a list of important people but did not give a specific number so I do not think they are at fault…yet.  I think you need to give them a set number and let them decide who the important people are. I told my Mother-In-Law she had 70 and if she wanted to invite family, friends, coworkers or 70 people she saw at Walmart that day I did not care.  Give them a specific number and see what happens from there.

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