Post # 1
i am in a terrible dilemma. My best friend chose me as the maid of honor a few months back, and I gladly accepted, would love to be, etc! She lives in the midwest, and decided to have her wedding along the Outer Banks in North Carolina, where none of her family or friends are from. There’s no airport around there either, which makes it really difficult.
I am a self employed childcare giver for children with special needs, so i don’t make that much money, and my schedules also always change. I live in New York, i don’t have a car, and my financial situation isn’t exactly stellar! IT’s been a struggle living here the past few years, but somehow i have made it work.
Just recently, as of last week, I got a job as support staff at a camp in Vermont (It’s something that just fell into my lap)! I did not apply for it, and it happens to coincide with my best friends wedding…again, I don’t have a car, the nearest airport is at least 30 miles from the camp, the tickets would be over 400 dollars, and I have 3 stopovers until I get to Norfolk, which is the closest airport to the outerbanks…I would then have to rent a car and drive at least 3 hours to her wedding destination, and i would only have four days until I have to be back to camp. IT just doesn’t seem feasible!
My question is, and sorry I had to go on and on, but is it worth the 1,000 dollars that I don’t have to spend, or should I just skip the wedding? It doesn’t seem likely that I can go, and this job means the world to me, and could lead me in a extremely positive direction after being directionless for the past few years. How can I get her to understand this? It’s pretty stressful and I never anticipated ever missing my best friend’s wedding, or bailing out as the maid of honor, and this is the first time in my life that something like this has happened! What should I do? Is it worth losing a friend? Obviously I am frantic!
Post # 3
If you’ll have the four days off and can come up with the money I think you should go. You might not have a lot of extra time to spend there, but you made the commitment to be in the wedding and she’s your best friend. Are you getting paid for the new position? That should help, shouldn’t it?
You can usually get a small rental car for pretty cheap, especially with weekend rates and once you decide you can watch the airline tickets..they usually bounce around a lot.
Post # 4
I think if you have the time off you should be going to the wedding. Perhaps there are others in the wedding party you could car pool with once you all arrive at the airport?????
Post # 5
Only you know if its worth it. I know that if it was my best friends wedding I would make it happen somehow.
Post # 6
i’m not really one to ask for money but have you mentioned to your friend the difficulty you are having finacially? if my Maid/Matron of Honor was having trouble finding a way to my destination wedding i think my family would pull some strings to help out – i mean being a bridesmaid isnt cheap and being a bridesmaid at a destination wedding is just insanely expensive and i would hope the bride would realized that…maybe they can help cover airfare or the car rental to relieve some stress?
not sure when the wedding is but southwest flys from NY to Norfolk and its about 250 round trip which isnt too terrible – you may be able to bundle that with car rental for a better deal.
Post # 7
I could not imagine missing my best friends wedding at any cost.
Have you talked to her? She is your best friend and all – I am sure she will work out a plan to get you there more conveniently. Maybe someone else is driving from the vermont area? Maybe there are many people flying in the same day as you and you can carpool to the venue?
Post # 8
You should go. It is your best friend. I know, easier said than done. It does seem like attending her wedding is an inconvenience for you but sometimes we have to do inconvenient things for the people that matter most.
Post # 9
I think you should go. But like a PP said, only you know if it’s worthit. If she’s a really close friend and wants you as her Maid/Matron of Honor that sounds like a special friendship, do you really want to miss out on this day of hers?? You’re going to have to decide whats more important. Hard decision, but I’m sure you’ll make the right one for you.
My husband and I were in similar a similar situation this year twice for close friends of his. He was in both their weddingparty’s and they live across the country. Each wedding about a month apart. It’s been hard paying for the tickets and saving for our own wedding but you make it work when it’s really important to you.
Post # 10
oh By The Way – the outer banks is beautiful! that in itself is worth the trip – plus weddings are totally fun.
Post # 11
I think you should go. Can you car pool? Would taking a train or bus be cheaper than a flight?
Post # 12
What if your friend got married in the midwest? You would still have to fly there, so it actually doesn’t make a difference. I live in NYC and drive down to the outer banks every summer and it isn’t that bad, can you rent a car and drive down there instead of a 4 stopover flight? Is there anyone who lives near you who would be interested in splitting the rental car fees and helping drive?
There’s got to be some kind of compromise you can work out with your friend. Maybe you are only there the day of the wedding and the day before and after are travel days. That way you don’t have to have the rental car for more than 3 days and you still get back to your job in time.
Post # 13
Just wanted to say that I live on the OBX, so if you have any questions, feel free to shoot me a message.
Norfolk is the closest airport, but also try RDU (3.5 hour drive), and Newport News.
Post # 14
I agree with @moderndaisy about driving. Driving is my favorite mode of transportation and I despise airplanes (not flying – flying is fine – I just hate planes, they suck so hard). This would of course add about 2 days of travel onto your trip, which is lame, but the stresses/costs of flying are awful.
And honestly, I had to miss one of my best friends’ weddings in 2009. It was heartbreaking and I regret it every day (and I am not one for regrets). I had a very demanding job at a newspaper and, due to deadlines, simply could not get the time off and did not have the money to travel.
Looking back, though, I would have simply demanded the time off and borrowed money to make it. I am still upset I wasn’t there.
Post # 15
Usually I’m not a big fan of ‘if it’s important, you’ll be there’ because sometimes people honestly can’t make it. My cousin had her wedding six hours away from where we all live on the Tuesday of finals week, and I wasn’t able to make it. I’m still sad that I had to miss it, but I would have been even more upset if I didn’t get to graduate because of missing finals and having no study time.
If you think you can swing it, then do it. It’s up to you to decide how important your other financial obligations are. Personally, I know I couldn’t afford $1000 to attend a wedding. Even though they’re really important, your friend will still be around after the wedding. It’s not like if you miss this one day she’ll fall off the earth. I would look around and see what the cheapest options are, and if you can’t make it, don’t go into debt for it.
Post # 16
When is the wedding? Start saving now. Drive down instead of flying (it’ll probably be cheaper). Rent a tiny little car. It’ll be fun!