- 2 years ago
This is long, sorry in advance. I’m just fuming.
I have never liked my Father-In-Law. The first time I met him he was staying with my husband (then new boyfriend) and I slept over and he had just gotten home in the early morning from work. He was in his underwear, barely spoke to me and spoke over me constantly. He still defends it and blames my husband because my husband didn’t specifically tell him I was his girlfriend, which obviously excuses being rude to me. Over the next few years, I bit my tongue constantly through his bigoted homophobic, racist and extremist thoughts. He loves to judge others in the name of Jesus, despite him living multiple sins throughout his life (2 kids out of wedlock, was in jail when DH was born, beat someone almost to death, etc). I truly don’t care about his past, but hate when he casts judgement on others for things way less serious than what he’s done. Anyways, out of respect for my husband who hates confrontation, I’ve kept my mouth shut. We don’t see them very often and my husband isn’t super close to them (we are much closer with his mom and stepdad) so I can suck it up for the few times a year we see them at family functions.
After our wedding we moved to another state (where husband is from) and super close to where Father-In-Law works. So he started coming around more often and he became a bit more tolerable. My husband is a disabled veteran so he’s home a lot and would occasionally help Father-In-Law with his business. But this summer we bought a house so he hasn’t been able to help Father-In-Law as much since he’s doing projects around our place. As soon as he stopped helping, Father-In-Law stopped making any effort. He hasnt come to see our new place despite working 10 minutes from here and has barely called. The few times he has called, he’s made really inappropriate comments to my husband. For reference, DH has PTSD and TBI and has not been working since we got disability through the VA last winter. I told Father-In-Law about it this spring and he has not asked DH once how he’s doing. So the few times he has called DH, he’s made comments such as “you’re washed up” and “go take more pills.” He’s also told my SIL that he hasn’t talked to DH as much because he’s diappointed that he isn’t working and being the man of the house and he should just “tough it out.” (Also, my husband sacrificing so much serving his country in Iraq and being honorably discharged and his life forever being changed by the giant spots on his brain is much more manly to me than anything Father-In-Law has done for his family). This whole situation has been heartbreaking for my husband, and it’s made me angrier than I’ve maybe ever been at anyone.
And then…we got pregnant. We told immediate family but decided not to tell Father-In-Law and his wife until we hit 2nd trimester. But things didn’t go well, the baby was in my tube and it ruptured. FIL’s wife has called once, text and sent us food from them. But this jackass has literally not put his pride aside and called or text his own son one time to ask how he is after losing his first baby. I am so done it’s unreal. I will be friendly at family functions but I will never be able to respect this man again. My heart just breaks for my husband, who is clearly struggling with all of this.
PS I 100% would confront Father-In-Law in most of these situations, but that confrontation would really trigger my husband and I don’t think the drama is worth what it would do to the family as a whole (I.e. not being able to go to events with my SIL and nephew if he’s there, etc).