- 3 years ago
- Wedding: July 2019
It’s just really a vent cos I don’t know what to say or do.
I don’t usually vent to anyone but I just need to right now.
Warning: Looooong post!
First of all, this lady let’s call her “Emily” and I have been close since HS. I’ve known her for over 10 years. She’s a very sensitive individual that if anything you say that is not what she wants to hear, she becomes oh-so-defensive, going all friend-zilla. We’ve got into fights a few times (nothing so dramatic) just via messages when I say anything that she thinks is an insult.
For example, she has been meeting a lot of people on Tinder that were mainly jerks! And I’ve already told her, please be careful cos you get really attached very fast. She wasn’t mad about that and she knows she is too. Even though when the guys she knows very well is playing her, she would dive in regardless and sleep with them. And after that, comes to me asking me what she did wrong, why he isn’t texting back etc. Which I always try to word is as nicely as possible. And try to tell her that this guy isn’t the one. Bear in mind, the guys and her weren’t in a relationship.
I admit, there were few occassions when I got slightly fed up with her and just told her straight that this guy is just using you to get under your pants. She didn’t like that and kept defending herself that she isn’t that kind of person. Maybe she isn’t, but the impression she gives says otherwise. She is also a curious person, if she knows the guy might not feel anything, she would jump in and still try to make her way to his heart. No harm in that, but her way is to sleep with him.
I know is her body, her decision. And I know that, it just frustrates me to my core when she comes back to me asking why this why that.
To present, she knows I’m getting engaged soon cos I told her that my SO bought a ring already (I only told 2 people who were really close to me about this) and of cos the bees. Anyway she has constantly been asking me non-stop telling me what color dresses I wanted for my bridesmaid, and that she looked at so many dresses and so tempted to get it. I have told her on both occasions that “I AM NOT ENGAGED YET” cos obviously I am NOT!
It still didn’t stopped her and says she wants an off-shoulder dress, she wants a sexy dress, she wants to walk down the aisle (which i told her straight up, NO!). She even said that I should buy the dress and I should host and pay my own bachelorette party.
Side note: Where I am and my culture, there’s a slight difference in bridesmaid definition. And it is the brides’ decision whether she wants her bridesmaid to walk down the aisle, the only difference is that. Bachelorette party is usually hosted by the Maid/Matron of Honor and bridesmaid.
A few days back, she told me that her ex (who is not her best friend) told her that she should lower her expectations in man. Cos she kept complaining to him that no guys wants her. I asked her why he said that you should lower your expectation. She started explaining and basically drew the conclusion of she only wants a guy who is successful, smart, powerful, and only wants a man in the business line. She spefically said she doesn’t want guys who does photography or videographers, she wants someone who is good with maths. I told her that a photographer could be good in maths, just that they decided to go with passion and that doing their own job (freelance) is considered a business line too. She then said, she wants someone who is in financial institution.
I told her that “Yeah, maybe that’s why your ex said you need to lower down your expectation”. She said “Why should I? I know I deserve these kind of guys, and I ATTRACT this kind of guys! So I know I deserve them and CAN get them” So I said “But they don’t stay!” She then repeats herself for a few days that she deserves these kind of guys who are successful, smart and powerful. I got so annoyed at one point, I asked her up front “Do you think you’re successful?” (cos I know she isn’t) She said “No”.
I was honestly stunt cos I actually never heard anyone said that.. ever! That level of confidence! Lol.
I told my SO about what she said and he asked me, why am I friends with these kind of people. I told him, I never knew she was that kind of people. I know every girl would no doubt prefer to date someone successful, good looking… basically the whole package. It’s the dream. But it’s just a dream. So what if they are successful, smart etc… He could STILL be a JERK!
I honestly don’t know what to do really. I try to phase her out when I get annoyed. But always end up hanging out again cos of our bigger group of friends.
I have to see her again tonight, and just this morning she started her “I deserve these kind of man” talk. I’m pretty much just venting.
If any of you have any advice, feel free