(Closed) A Very Distraught Bride to Be….

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Honestly, it sounds like your problems started before you moved in with his mom and step dad. If you feel like you’re missing out on your 20s because of your Fiance, you should just leave. You are obviously not ready to get married.

ETA: I’m not trying to be mean, I just honestly think you’re not ready. When you’re ready to get married you won’t be able to picture your life without your Fiance and you won’t feel cheated out of anything.

Post # 5
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee

I’m sorry you’re in this position. It’s always terrible to look back and see how things aren’t as great as they used to be.

In my opinion, getting married isn’t going to fix your problems. It won’t flip some switch inside of his head to suddenly start treating you like you deserve. That part should come naturally in the relationship. And once you’re married, “taking breaks” or having “time apart” isn’t as easy to come by.

If I were you, I would take some time to stop organizing for the wedding and decide what you really want. Take that time to see if Jeremy is willing to commit to you in a truthful and long-term relationship.

Hope this helps out a bit.

Post # 6
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Wow that sounds like a really rough situation.  I think the problem breaks down to a couple of core elements; the ‘growing up too fast’ element, and the Future Mother-In-Law element.  I think it is really easy to get sucked into the whirlwind of a new relationship and want to ‘play house’ as you say, but is it really that you feel like you have lost your youth, or do you feel like you should have spent that time dating other people? Because if you feel like you missed your opportunity to date around or see what your other options are, you probably shouldn’t be getting married in my opinion.  If you just feel like you lost your youth playing house, well if it is with the person you love and you have spent all that time together, have you really lost anything?

As far as the Future Mother-In-Law problem, that is the oldest story in the book.  I have a pretty wonderful Future Mother-In-Law so I can’t give you a lot of advice, but I know that you are certainly not alone.  I am sure she is just afraid of losing her son.  After all, they say that boys are the ones who leave you to start their own families, and I’m sure that is a scary thing for a mom.  Just stay strong, evaluate your feelings, and I am sure you will come to the right decision.  

Post # 7
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@missashleyann:  I feel really bad for your situation and if it feels any better me and my Fiance went through the same thing, but alittle worse because his family hated me because of my race. They actually told him they would disown him if he was with me.

And he picked me.

The most troubling part about your story is that he doesn’t stick up for you. He needs to do this if you have any chance of moving forward. After my FI’s defiance they backed down. They are slowly accepting the stituation because they really don’t have a choice. You and your Fiance need to be a united front and if he won’t stick up for you to his family you might have to move on to be happy.

Post # 8
Member
11233 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@FutureMrsJohnson_:  Honestly, it sounds like your problems started before you moved in with his mom and step dad. If you feel like you’re missing out on your 20s because of your Fiance, you should just leave. You are obviously not ready to get married.

This.

I live with my Fiance and have for the past two years, plus the year before that when he was over at my apartment 98% of the time. We had no problems.

Post # 9
Member
1249 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

If your Fiance isn’t standing up for you now, he never will.  It doesn’t matter if it’s to his mother, your kids, or the next door neighbor.  He needs to always have your back.  I would definitely recommend postponing the wedding until that happens.

It’s a lot easier to back out now than to get a divorce later!!!  If you get a divorce, the money on the wedding will be wasted anyway.  🙁

Post # 11
Member
3968 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@missashleyann:  Correct me if I’m wrong, PPs, but I think we were talking about more than just “other guys,” but life in general, things you’d be able to do if you didn’t feel “tied down” and “playing house.” In general you sound resentful and unhappy.. and that’s no way to begin things!

Post # 12
Member
1733 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@missashleyann:  If you think that moving in was a bad decision, you’re not ready to get married, and certainly not to this guy. The stuff with your “mother in law” is no picnic, but you simply do not sound ready to settle down yet. You shouldn’t be ashamed of this — you’re awfully young to want to BE married. And so is HE — which is why he probably doesn’t have the “independent adult preparing to be a husband” thing worked out yet with relation to his mom.

Don’t go through with this wedding. I know your mom has spent money in preparation, but she would rather see you happy than in a bad marriage. Divorces cost money too. Don’t force something when you’re having doubts about the relationship and about being committed.

Post # 13
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@love108:  Yes. You should in no way resent your Fiance, because it sounds like this relationship has made you feel “old.”  So maybe move out and spend some time alone; do what you want to do, when you want to do it. But don’t get married just because your mom has already spent money on the wedding, divorce is way worse than a cancelled wedding.

Post # 14
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I think taking some time apart would probably be a good idea.  There is nothing wrong with saying, ‘hey i need some space and it has nothing to do with you but everything to do with me and it will be better for us in the long run’ 

 

Post # 15
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@love108:  Agreed. When you’re ready, nothing in the relationship feels like it’s curtailing or hindering your social agenda somehow. It feels like it’s enhancing it, because your priorities change entirely.

Post # 16
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Run honey, this is not good!

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