Post # 16
@phoenix718: I love what you wrote. Yes, yes, YES.
Your Aunt isn’t just rude – she is a bully and needs to be put in her place should she act up again. Her backhanded “apology” is b.s., and was just filled with more venom to fan the flame rather than to truly understand what she’d done and apologize to you. You are not overreacting at all.
Don’t engage in any more talk about the wedding with her. NONE. If she asks you a question about the cost, design, color, or some other detail about anything, answer by turning the questions on her and ask her what she would have paid, designed, chosen or whatever because clearly she knows best so she may as well just state HER choice and get it over with. 😉 Refuse to tell her your decisions because she will only slam them one way or the other. Just tell her she’ll find out later. The end.
Alternatively, if she comes right out and states her opinion on something during the bridal shower, just be ready to tell her she wasn’t asked for her opinion, smile, and walk away. At the first hint of something more from her, pull her aside and say you will not stand for this rude behavior at your bridal shower. You can do so firmly without stooping to her level, but rather, by rising above with your strength. Currently, she thinks she can continue to lowball you but if you set your boundaries clearly to her, she won’t, because she’ll be left alone in the driveway. If she cannot control herself, she can leave, and that is all you need say, period.
Post # 17
I guess it depends on your personality – I would kill her with kindness and exclude her from all wedding details until you have to see her.
In my head and on the message boards, I would vent, vent, vent!
Post # 18
Thank you Bees for being so helpful and for all of your words of wisdom! It is so nice to hear that I’m not the “bad guy” in this situation.
So, I had my shower this weekend and it was just beyond beautiful! My Maid/Matron of Honor threw a “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” shower and everyone came in black dresses and pearls! Tiffany theme all thru and thru….it was more than I EVER expected and I’m just so grateful!
I did see my rude Aunt…..when I came in to say hello to her table she got up and left and again, I tried to go over and say thank you for coming (since I saw my mom standing right there watching and thought, hey, I’ll be the BIGGEST person here) and she looked down at the ground/table and said a very quick hi and turned away. Her card was not signed and she never said good bye. I mentioned this to my mom and she goes, “She is done.” Oh ok….she’s washing her hands of me. Ya know, what a child she is! Family fights sometimes and she and I don’t ever have to get along. HOWEVER, she shouldn’t have come to my party if she wasn’t going to acknowledge me. A simple eye contact and a hello is what I would’ve done! I’m so glad I did my part, and I’ll send a thank you note, and know I was the bigger person.
Love You Bees!
Post # 19
Glad you had the strength to be the bigger person. Also glad your Mom is on your side!
Post # 20
Thanks, my mom isn’t on my side though….she thinks I’m completly in the wrong here and my aunt has the right to stay mad at me….since she’s “older.” Le sigh….
Post # 21
I think you were awesome, way to be the bigger person! I’m sorry your mom isn’t on your side. 🙁 But on the bright side: if your aunt isn’t talking to you, she isn’t insulting you!
Post # 22
Keep smiling and just kill her with kindness.
Post # 23
@bookworm88: Right! I don’t have to worry about seeing her in the receiving line! 🙂
Post # 24
It sucks but you are letting this get to you way too much.
You said this is just the way she is, no she is not evil just a nosey woman who gives unsolicated advice and makes inappropriate comments. Your mom siding with her most likely had nothing to do with your mom agreeing or sympathizing with her but more to do with the fact that your mom probably thinks you should be use to your aunt and be happy she even said sorry (even if it wasn’t for the right reason).
I think we all have ppl like this in our life, my fiance’s grandma on his dad’s side is like that…I smile and let it go. There is no changing some ppl, non wedding related BUT his grandma asked if I wanted coffee, I thought that was a yes no question with no wrong answer. I was wrong, lol, I said yes and then was lectured about caffine! His poor grandpa was sad, he thought we didn’t want to stay for coffee.
So smile and do your best to tune her out. I use to get super stressed around my fiance’s grandma (and no she is not evil, she loves me, she is just kinda like your aunt) but now I smile and just let her talk, hell sometimes I nod and agree. No point in going out of my way to disagree and causing stress if ultimately letting her think I agree is easier.
Smile and just let it go. If she comments on something else just say “Oh, well I really like it” smile quick and CHANGE THE SUBJECT! Good luck!
Post # 25
I have the exacte same kind of aunt on my mom’s side of the family!!! haha sorry it’s not funny what she said or anything just that someone elses aunt is so dead on like mine!!! CRAZY I TELL YOU! any hoo. I ignore mine. She’s not worth making the fuss and my whole family knows what she’s like so they ignore her too. I warned my husbands family about mine and to not take offense to her rudeness cause she doesn’t see how she’s rude she feels like she’s just being herself. Which she is being herself, just she doesn’t realize or care how others may be offended. I hope she can maybe behave herself for your big day and if not just ignore her and only talk to her when you have to at your events for polite reasons lol 🙂