(Closed) A wedding conundrum–a big one!

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@kaccase:  Oh my gosh, this is terrible.  I agree, it sounds like maybe her Fiance is just using you and your Fiance as an excuse to push your friend’s buttons.  In other words, she is saying that she doesn’t want his ex at their wedding, and he’s saying “Well I don’t want X person there either, so we’re even!!”  Talk about childish.

I would try as hard as you can not to take it too personally.  To me, it sounds like your friend is making a big mistake marrying this jerk.  But I’ve definitely experienced this, losing a good female friend when she gets caught up in a relationship that is terrible for her and not being able to help her to see how he is poisoning her views.  Try to be supportive – there is definitely no good that will come of getting angry.  I doubt it is your friend’s fault, even if she should be able to stand up for you.  And tell your Fiance not to take it personally, as I said, I doubt it’s really about him at all. 

Post # 4
2188 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

At the point of their wedding he will be your husband! I wouldn’t go without him. It sounds like your friend’s Fiance just needed someone to throw under the bus so she would give in and let his ex wife come which is freakin ridiculous. I would call her or meet in person to tell her that you are unable to go if your husband cannot attend. The guy she’s marrying sounds like an ass, who just wants to get his own way.

Also if he doesn’t like your Fiance so what, he should have kept it to himself. Unless your Fiance was rude to him, got in a fight with him etc he should have kept that to himself and she shouldn’t have told you.

Post # 5
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Did you tell your friend exactly what you said on here – that this blind sighted you and you had no idea that her fiance didn’t like your fiance? I would start with that so at least you have some answers.

I would not go to the wedding without my husband – as an egaged couple you are a unit and it would be disrespectful to him to go. I think you made the right choice there.

Side question – are they planning to attend your wedding?

Post # 6
9139 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

What a rough spot.  I would speak to her one more time and try to explain that he’s your fiance (and will be your husband by the time of her wedding) and you wouldn’t dream of attending a function without him.  I would promise to keep him away from her groom if that’s really the issue (although I think she’s got issues with your fiance too and she’s too afraid to tell.)  Otherwise, you need to re-evaluate this friendship because obviously there is something seriously wrong with it for her to even think it’s appropriate to not invite your fiance/husband.  How are you supposed to hang out with these people from now on knowing they don’t like your FH?

Post # 8
3194 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

don’t go if he can’t go. it is common courtesy to extend +1’s to guests of your wedding, particularly if they’re married and you aren’t having a super-small (<20) guest list. it’s very childish and rude of him to even consider inviting you without him, unless your Fiance has done something HEINOUS to this couple or has the potential to be a hot drunken mess (which i’m sure he’s not.)

just tell them you got a save the date for the two of you and he is looking forward to going, and if they can’t find space for the two of you on the guest list, you understand.

people are a mess. and ex-wives should not be invited to weddings. for the record.

Post # 9
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I think you should call your friend, express that you found the conversation bewildering and ask specifically why her FH has a problem with yours. Ask her specifically if she has a problem with your FH. 

I might consider suggesting that her FH and yours have a conversation on the phone to clear things up. But perhaps that’s a little too confrontational for you?

Post # 10
927 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

That really sucks : ( I would not attend, that was incredibly rude of them. Plan something special for you and your new hubs to do that day!

Post # 11
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

It’s completely rude and inappropriate for them not to invite both of you. In addition, I think the fiance’s outright hostility to your Fiance qualifies as a reason to not invite them to your wedding – you want to be surrounded by people who love and support you. Sadly it sounds like your friendship with this couple is over. I feel bad for your friend, both because she’s losing you as a friend, and because she’s marrying a guy who is such an asshat that he’d rather do something this spectacularly rude than put on his big boy panties and invite you two as a couple. I expect that her marriage will be full of this sort of immature, rude behaviour and that you won’t be the last friend she loses because of it.

Post # 12
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

It’s not even that they’re not inviting both, they’re essentially DISinviting her Fiance who will be her husband at the wedding.  If this is really a childish and pathetic blackmail type move on his part to see if she’ll cave about his ex coming, and she refuses to stick up for you, who needs her.

As for losing other friends, I don’t see why YOU should be the one to lose them, unless it really is about not liking your Fiance and others inthe group feel the same. You haven’t done anything wrong here, they have.  Why should you be the ones to be outcast and made to feel awkward? If you are certain it’s not about your Fiance, I would still show up to these gathering if I were you.  They (he) should be the one(s) to feel like idiots, not you guys.

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