- 6 years ago
- Wedding: January 2016 - My home church and dim sum restaurant
Hey Wedding Bee’s!
I just wanted to tell you about my experiences and was wondering if anyone else had anything similar happen to them!
My Fiance and I have been dating each other for three years and engaged for one. He is a very loving and caring guy who has always had my back in many situations. My Fiance comes from a Vietnamese family and is the oldest son of the oldest first son of the oldest first son, ect. Coming from an Asian family I know that traditional families still value that position very much due to them taking on the role of the family leader even now in the 21st century. I have never had a problem with this since I know it has always been important to his family and I am not one to try to stop a custom that is hundreds of years old. However, now that the wedding planning has been moving along and things are starting to hash out, it has become a bit of an issue in some ways.
To start with, his mother doesn’t seem to like me very much. She likes to complain about me a lot and usually does it in Vietnamese to my Fiance instead of trying to resolve it with me. She speaks and understands English but since she is more comfortable with Viet she decides to speak it 99% of the time even though I don’t understand a lick f it. Not only that, she isn’t very welcoming or very expressive to me, and it gets even worse when I am under the same roof as them. (They live out of the country and I sometimes go out there to work for them because my Fiance works for their company.) It’s kind of like: If she is happy, everyone is happy, but if she is cranky, everyone must suffer. She can be very childish at times and it drives me up a wall that she can’t admit that she is wrong and will dig her heels into the ground. She always has to be right even though she is a hypocrite on many different cases.
Ever since my Fiance and I got engaged she has acted like she has been against the idea and up until a few weeks ago it came to light that she doesn’t want the wedding to happen at all. I have tried to include her in wedding stuff but she always gets very angry at me for asking her, but gets hurt when I make decisions by myself. She can be so very abrasive at times and lacks politeness in many different aspects. She walks over me like a door mat sometimes and in order to keep the peace between us I take it and bite my lip. Her attitude got even worse after my Fiance parents met with my parents.
In Asian customs it is custom to have parents meet each other and discuss the wedding but now my parents don’t want us to get married very much either saying that they don’t want me to marry into a family who doesn’t even want me in it. During the meeting they had the impression that his parents were trying to find every reason to not let us get married and like I wasn’t worthy enough to be in their family. Things like the fact that he was the only and oldest son came up and how he has to lead the family, and that I am immature came up during the meeting. Also the fact that I don’t have a lot of money in the bank was an issue as well.
I have been out here with my Father-In-Law because I want to show them through my work that I am worthy enough to join their family and that I love their son enough to try to get along with them. My FFI, treats me well, even though he doesn’t talk to me very much, but my FMI drives me up a wall completely. She doesn’t even really try to acknowledge that I am working very hard, and honestly I don’t think she will admit it even if she does. I have to ask myself every day if I really want to marry into a family that doesn’t even want me in it or doesn’t see me as good enough. I am very tired of crying constantly about this family and I am trying to be very strong even though it feels the world is against me. I love my Fiance too much to let him go, but I don’t want to be responsible for breaking up a family because he said he was willing to get married to me despite what his family says. I am not rich, but I do love their son. I know that in Asian culture that doesn’t cut it, but in reality no one is perfect when they enter a marriage and a lot of things are learned once in it. I can’t be a perfect being and I never will be, but at least I am willing to compromise. Now the wedding is on hold and I don’t know what to do. .
Whoo sorry, that was really long! Any suggestions?