(Closed) A wedding planner and a fat bridesmaid?

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
2006 posts
Buzzing bee

Yes you are being vain. If you like her personality and get along well with her put her in your wedding party. If you have no connection to her, don’t put her in your wedding party.

But DONT exclude her just because of her weight. You can be gorgeous and large or ugly and small. And to a some people, a size 10 isn’t small (I’m not saying that it isn’t) so it is all relative and you can’t judge beauty by the numbers.

Post # 4
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

I’d go ahead and prepare yourself for some serious backlash from this post.  It’s pretty horrible that you are concerned your Future Sister-In-Law will “ruin” your photos because she is overweight.  She will be your family soon and what she looks like shouldn’t matter.  

Post # 5
Member
4160 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I say use your family as helping you plan, especially since you’re already thinking it might be a waste of money anyway. 

As for the Future Sister-In-Law – If the only reason you wouldn’t want her to be in your bridal party is because she’s not as “gorgeous” or “small” as you and your other bridesmaids, that’s pretty vain.  If she’s important to you and your FH, you can overlook those things.  I think that’s the nicest way of saying it.

Post # 6
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Oh, jeez. OK to answer your first question – if you have connections and are especially opinionated and think you will end up being rude to your planner, don’t hire one. They are there to help you with vendors so if you don’t need the help and think that you are going to butt heads with them, there’s no point.

On to your second question – I think you already know you are being vain and ridiculous re: your FSIL’s weight. I don’t understand the mentality of someone “ruining” your wedding pictures because they are plus size. She is who she is and you should just accept her and not judge her because she is larger than you. That’s really mean and I’m sure she would be beyond hurt (and probably hate you) if she knew you were saying that sort of stuff. How would your Boyfriend or Best Friend feel if he knew you were hating on his sister because she is plus sized? Please stop and think about the fact that she is going to be your family soon and don’t hurt her feelings like that.

Post # 7
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Oh goodness, does your Fiance know you feel that way about his sister? I’d tell him before he gives you the ring so he can make an informed decision about whether or not he really wants to marry you!

Post # 8
Member
1250 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Wow. I find this post offensive. I’ve never heard of somebody choosing their wedding party based on what the bridesmaids look like, instead of their relationships with the people. 

Post # 9
Member
4465 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Agree 100 percent with Kittyachi.  How do you think she would feel if she knew you were saying this?  It’s incredibly vain and hurtful.  It’s a wedding, not a fashion show. 

Edited to add: Right on, @moderndaisy.

Post # 10
Member
1250 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

And right on, @hotchildinthecity, re: it being a wedding and not a fashion show.

Post # 11
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

1) if you can handle the work and enjoy all the details, plan your own wedding. Especially if you think one isn’t worth it.

2) Um…I don’t even really know what to say to that. Really, a fat bridesmaid? I bet it’d break her heart to hear that, and that not only makes you vain, but a meanie! She’ll be your family soon.

Post # 12
Member
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

A day of coordinator that you work with early to ensure a smooth day sounds right for your situation.

Vain seems like the wrong word, more like shallow? No offense, but come on, read that post again and ask yourself if that is really the person you want to be.

Post # 13
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

@moderndaisy.. excellent point!

Post # 14
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Ok…prepare yourself for some serious critiscm for what you wrote.

I’m going to ignore that you’re concerned your Future Sister-In-Law (who actually isn’t “future” since your Boyfriend or Best Friend hasn’t propsed yet…) will “ruin” your pictures. Believe it or not, the wedding day really isn’t all about you. Your Boyfriend or Best Friend and his family are there too. Get over yourself and your “skinny” friends. You seem very shallow that you not only know your friends’ “sizes” but that you want to use their numbers to put down your Future Sister-In-Law. She’s not going to go away, she will always be a part of your life. Own it or get out.

Wedding planner….my venue has an event management team and i have a dedicated planner through so I didn’t hire a seperate coordinator. But just as Kittyachi stated…they are there to help you find and hire vendors…not be your b*tch.

Hiring a planner isn’t like what movies and reality tv make it out to be. Take a giant step back and think about what you and your bf/parents/family, whatever, can do and where you might need help. For example, I have no idea how to hire a good band. That’s where a planner comes in.

Just remember, weddings are fabulous, fun, happy events. That in no way gives you the right to be a crazy person during the process.

Post # 15
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee

I think you have a different opinion on what makes good wedding pictures and what ruins them than I do.

I mean, if aesthetics are what makes them good… why not just have the photog shoot landscapes?  They’ll be very pretty. 

However you should not include his sister as a bridesmaid if you don’t want to – He should include her as a groomswoman. 

He might well think that one of your friends is catty and shallow and boring and so will ruin the wedding pictures because looking at her always makes him unhappy… but your wedding party is your choice and his is his.

Post # 16
Member
190 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

If you are going to be rude and throw tantrums, do the wedding planners a favor and don’t hire them. Your family has put up with you this long and know how to deal with you.

As far as the bridesmaid, I’m beyond words. I would hope that your post is actually a fake, but I’ve seen this come up before so I know there are actually bridezillas out there like you who think this way. You need a reality check about what your wedding is about. It’s not about the pretty pictures, it’s about sharing an important day with your Fiance, your family and your friends. It should be about the marriage and not the wedding.

There’s a part of me that thinks you should tell your SIL that you think she’s too fat for your wedding. At least she’d (& the rest of your family) would know what kind of person you are.

 

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