(Closed) A wedding planner and a fat bridesmaid?

posted 11 years ago in Waiting
Post # 152
Member
627 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2020

@AKAengr -Wow, I really can’t believe you’re not already engaged. You seem so charming.

 

Post # 153
Member
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@ MrsBtobe and others that have attacked the OP saying it’s “silly” to worry about bridemaids and wedding if “she’s not even engaged yet”: you call her vain but you think that an “engagement”  is defined by the presence of a ring? She knows the ring is comming and has obviously talked to her BF about their future wedding. Last time I checked, and engagement was a promise made to one another of marrying each other, I think it’s vain and shallow to think that only after a ring we can start thinking of wedding stuff.

I don’t agree with the OP regarding her dilemma, but I do not understand how someone can defend a group of people (overweight girls) by bashing another group of people, in this case the so many waiting bees in the website, there’s even a special area for us in the site, the one in which she posted, btw!!

Post # 154
Member
1727 posts
Bumble bee

Glad to know that if I was in your wedding party I would ruin your pictures. Being a size 18 myself GET OVER YOURSELF! If you think that your Future Sister-In-Law is going to ruin your pictures because she is a plus size, she is too good to be in your wedding.

Post # 155
Member
1727 posts
Bumble bee

P.S. If you’re that worried about your family’s feelings about being rude to them for helping you plan your wedding then hire a wedding planner. It will save a lot of stress on yourself and your family.

Post # 156
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

so, AKA you said that you didn’t do this to ruffle feathers, but you posted:

 

“Off the the gym now. SO enjoy your personal attacks. 

…exits stage left with a big smile.

Have a good day bees. 

Wonder how long we can keep this one going?”

 

All of this going back and forth is just adding fuel to this ridiculous fire. I think we al should just leave this one alone and not touch it with a ten foot pole, since OP sees to really be enjoying this topic (as evidenced above, In My Humble Opinion.

Post # 157
Member
2220 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I’m really shocked by this thread… not only because of the OP question(s), but because of the MEAN responses. WB prides itself on being a kind board without the nastiness & personal attacks. Most of the responses in this thread are waaaaay worse than her asking if it’s “vain” to exclude a Bridesmaid or Best Man because of her weight.

I’ve been a member for over a year now & I’ve seen the hive change a lot. We’ve lost a ton of awesome posters due to these types of responses.  Remember there’s a person on the other side of the screen. Questioning why someone would want to marry her, calling her a bridezilla, and the various other personal attacks are totally uncalled for.  

To reply to the original post: I always feel sorry for the Bridesmaid or Best Man in question because if she knew what was being said about her she probably wouldn’t want to be in the wedding anyway. This would break her heart if she knew you were thinking these things, especially if you’re as close as you claim.

Post # 158
Member
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I just wanted to point out I would happily serve cupcakes in 5 inch heels all day.  As long as they are Louboutins, or else these dogs will HURT! 🙂 

Post # 159
Member
338 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I do not have a Wedding Party… I don’t have the $ for that. Though, having one throw together my “quicker than planned” wedding would have been helpful… especially w/ helping me tackle my theme and locating vendors w/ an area I’m not from.

I feel like the second part of the OP was hurtful, but really you had no other way of saying it. And again… no one has to read this stuff. If you have honest concern and questions regarding “she is overweight and I think it will be distracting in my pictures” – there really is no nice way to put it. If you really do love her, try to look beyond the physical image of pictures and look at her personality (after all when I look at pics, I don’t look at just the image but the memories of that captured moment)… you may regret not putting her in the Bridal Party. However, if you’re going to make her feel like the big girl or make her feel like crap being in Bridal Party… don’t put her through it.

(I’ve read the back and forth arguments about big being or not being beautiful… unhealthy vs. healthy. Its irrelevent to the OP. On a side note, I read A LOT of misinformation on obesity – please ladies, do some valid research.)

Wear a stark white gown – that will be what stands out in your pictures. Come up w/ a BM dress color that will complement everyone’s skin tone – not wash them out or make them appear super pale… etc. Decide on the dress length and then allow them to pick out their own style. I’d suggest going w/ chiffon as the material as it is much more forgiving than satin. I have four BMs… two are the same size as me and two are heavier. I let everyone chose their own knee-length style. The two smaller girls chose satin dresses and the two larger girls chose chiffon dresses b/c it is soft and hides and trouble areas – making them feel beautiful. I honestly did not make anyone chose anything – that was how it worked out… b/c my bigger BMs did not feel comfortable nor love the way they looked when they tried on the satin dresses my other BMs loved. Then even out their height by giving shorter BMs heels and taller BMs flats. In the end, they may all be different sizes, but they end up being somewhat uniform w/o being too matchy… and everyone looks amazing no matter their dress size.

Post # 160
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

For all of your snarky comments about our personal attacks, you seem to have no problem doing the same to us. We are proud of the community on this website and if you don’t like it you can leave. I’m sorry, but there is no defense against the outrage in response to calling your potential bridesmaid fat and not wanting her to ruin pictures. You put yourself in a lose-lose situation here and deserve no sympathy.

And if you BF is just as vain as you, then you absolutely deserve each other.

 

Post # 161
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

If you think you can plan everything better by yourself then don’t hire a wedding planner. You will just waste money and other people’s time.

As for your second question, not including her because of the way she looks is vain, mean, and cruel. She would be devastated if she found out that was the reason she wasn’t included and I feel bad for you that you are so wrapped up in asthetics that you can’t take time away to focus on your relationship with her. Nobody deserves to be treated like that. And I’m pretty sure if your bf’s family ever found out that you were saying these things, you would have some pretty awkward family get togethers in the future. If you don’t want her as a bridesmaid because you aren’t close with her, that’s one thing. But being close with her and excluding her anyways so that you can have better pictures without her, is just rediculous and cruel.

Post # 162
Member
136 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Since you’re not officially engaged yet, what concerns me is that you’re focusing on such a negative issue…already! I feel like at this stage, with the wedding(presumably) a long way off, you should be caught up in dreaming about your future proposal, engagement and wedding, thinking about how wonderful it will be, not wondering if her presence in your pictures will “ruin” them. Why in the world is that your focus at this point?

Post # 163
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

This is terrible! I can’t believe you would go as far (especially when you’re not even engaged yet) to start focusing on such negative things. How dare you talk about someone that you see as a friend like that! Sorry lady, but an 8 isn’t always viewed as stick thin either, how would you feel if someone didn’t want you in her wedding because you were perhaps a bit bigger than everyone else and would ruin HER pictures!! That’s a horrible thing to think, let alone post on a public forum! Asinine!

Jeez, I certainly hope this isn’t real because I feel sorry for that poor girl, to think that she has friends like you! 

Post # 164
Member
1961 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Hmmm….I’m was an overweight bride (my husband thinks I’m beautiful) and I’d hate to think that I “messed up my photos” because I wasn’t skinny.  Yes, that is vain.  And yes that is mean.  If it would really bug you that much to have an overweight bridesmaid, then you don’t deserve to have her in your wedding. 

Having said that, it is your wedding and your decision.  I didn’t have my SIL’s in my wedding party because I’m not close to them and didn’t want them in my wedding party.  But try not to let something like weight dictate your answers…you may be a gorgeous size 8 now, but someday, age and gravity will catch up to you and do you want people judging you?

Post # 165
Member
362 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

It sounds like your planning situation is a lot like mine – I have a very talented group of friends that have all said they will help the day of and have told me that’s it’s no big deal and not to worry about it. I’ve decided that while I am going to rely on them quite a bit (because, hey, let’s face it who’s going to do more for you than people who love you? Well, that and the fact that they are hugely talented!) I’m also going to be hiring a day of coordinator. Why? Because the minute the music starts at the chapel I want my friends to be able to concentrate exclusively on having a great time.

As to the second part of your post I really want to encourage you to tread lightly and really think about this. As I’m sure you can see questions like this can be very volatile. I’d like to think that in the time you have before your engagement and during your planning you’ll come to realize that the people you should want standing with you are the people who love you and your FFI and will be there to support you during all of the insanity and joy that is wedding planning. I firmly believe that if you concentrate on those things your worries about things like your future future sister-in-law’s size won’t matter. Instead, your concern will be surrounding yourself with people you love who will help you and keep you laughing, calm & protected while you prepare for and experience your wedding.

 

 

Oh, and by the way… I’m a size 20 and I’ve always been complimented on my looks and encouraged to be in photos. Just saying.

Post # 166
Member
136 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’d also like to ask you– what if a girl that you’d like to have in your wedding party lost her hair, or had a really bad haircut? What if she had a terrible complexion? What if she was homely, but a dear friend to you nonetheless? What if she were injured before the wedding and had to wear a cast?

I ask these questions because I wonder if weight is really the issue here. Is the fact that she weighs more what makes you think that she’ll “ruin” your pictures, or that you have a specific standard as to what you want everyone to adhere to for your wedding? That can be okay– I know for my wedding, I’d like for my maids to all wear the same dress. Some women don’t agree with that and that’s fine, but that sort of preference isn’t a personal attack on someone I consider an important part of my life.

What I’m saying is, it’s okay to insist your pictures not be unbalanced because the dresses or hairstyles don’t match, but it isn’t fair to impose what you think is an appropriate weight on someone. You choose people to be in your wedding party because you love them and want to share your special day with them, not because you want your photos to look like a bridal magazine. If that’s what you’re after, then hire some models. If you want your wedding photos to capture the biggest day of your life with those you love most, then accept and love your friends, no matter what their size.

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