(Closed) A wedding planner and a fat bridesmaid?

posted 11 years ago in Waiting
Post # 167
Member
1712 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Well said frustrated. I wanted to refrain from commenting because I just didnt think the OP’s question deserved the dignity of a real answer.

But really I hope she realise how silly this all is and doesn’t really capture the essence of wedding bee. Well at least what I think WB is about.

Post # 168
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Wow.

I think that you should not have your ‘hot’ sized 10 friends in the wedding party either. They likely look like heffers next to the size 4.

On the other hand, since it is your day. Realistically, you should have your fat Future Sister-In-Law as your maid of honour so that you don’t look fat next to your ‘hot’ friends! oh wait? I’m being vain aren’t I?

I have a feeling this post is fake; but in case a person really does exist with such an ugly personality, you are what gives brides a bad name. (and you’re not even a bride yet)

Post # 169
Member
4081 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I’m a size 16 and my arms ain’t thin and toned like they used to be. But I thought I looked beautiful in my dress. Anybody who thinks my arms looked fat, oh well! That’s their problem. ๐Ÿ™‚

 

Vain isn’t the appropriate word there…how about cruel, mean, etc. Anybody who cares about people at all, would never, ever care what size somebody else is for their wedding and pictures. Argh…sickening…

 

 

Post # 170
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@cherryblossombee – Thanks for your response ๐Ÿ™‚ I didn’t think I was being mean at all though. It’s my opinion that worrying about ANYTHING wedding related prior to ACTUALLY being engaged WITH a ring is silly. If my opinion were different and believing that our “promise” to eachother did represent an engagement then I would have been engaged for over 8 years at the tender age of 18..which I’d find odd. But I digress.

The OP asked for an opinion and I gave it.

If you don’t like what is being posted then feel free to move along ๐Ÿ˜€

Post # 171
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Haha, is this a joke?!

Really?

 

Such an ugly personality might not ruin your photos, but it will ruin your wedding, your life and make everyone around you miserable.

Have fun!

Post # 172
Member
767 posts
Busy bee

Health:

I’m not healthy, I do not eat healthy and I get no excersise!  It is terrible.  Why…I wonder… had no one ever helpfully encouraged me to get healthy?  Do people not care about me?  Or… maybe because at a size 2 I’m never going to look overweight no one cares about my health because all that ‘health’ is cover for pure bigotry?

Rudeness/Meaness/Civility:

People who think the responses are worse than the post are judging expression over content. 

Sometimes I have a feeling weddingbee would celebrate polite expressions of opinion regarding eugenics or genocide over rude denunciations of the same.  (Okay, I’m exaggerating, nothing anyone has ever posted on weddinbee comes close to genocide type comments or is even in the same universe but can we possible agree that some things aren’t acceptable no matter how politely you phrase it?  I picked genocide because it’s the one thing everyone can hopefully agree with while I know some on weddingbee think posting bigotry regarding same sex relationships is acceptable and probably some who think racist posts are fine as long as they are polite). 

ETA: I realize the community as a whole agrees with me that the OP is unacceptable so the second half of my post is really to only a couple of commentators. 

Post # 173
Member
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I am actually really surprised that this thread hasn’t been closed… it seems that someone is just wanting attention, and that is just what she is getting. Not going to respond to any of it, I think it is a horrible post.

Post # 174
Member
342 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I haven’t read the posts, but I’ll state my opinion:

No one cares about the bridesmaids.  It does not matter what they look like or if their dresses match or if they’re ugly or fat.  Formal photos with the bridesmaids are useless and no one ever displays them – they’re hidden away in a photo album.  If you don’t like her, then don’t ask her to be in your wedding.

Why are you even thinking about this stuff – you’re not even engaged yet!  

Post # 175
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Not to be rude but it a bit inaccurate to assume that the engagement period starts with a ring. I know that mine certainly didn’t and reading many lovely posts of other bees here have further shown that an engagement ring is not a necessity.

That being said, I would probably recommend a day of coordinator because you and your friends will want to relax on that day. However, you seem to be a very strong personality with very specific ideas which might make working with a planner before the day more stress than it is worth.

Second, I do not agree with your idea to nix the FSIL as a bridesmaid based SOLELY on her weight. I think that would be rude, insensitive, and detrimental to future relations with your in-laws. That being said, if that is the price you are willing to pay for the perfect wedding pictures, so be it. However, as others have cautioned, be aware of the repurcussions this action will have.

Post # 176
Member
342 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Penguingal06 : The post was in the waiting board – indicating that she is waiting to be engaged.  I didn’t say anything about a ring – we had a ringless engagement for a while as well.  I just think it’s strange that she is obsessing over her overweight future future sister in law before getting the “big stuff” in order.  But in going back and reading some of her comments it seems that her priorities are all whacked out anyways ….

 

Post # 177
Member
343 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Maybe you should just talk to Future Sister-In-Law about it. Since she is going to be your family, maybe it will be best to be honest and upfront with her and let her know your concerns. Maybe she will change her mind about wanting to be in your bridal party, and then you won’t have to worry about it. It would break my heart, but if I were Future Sister-In-Law, I would want to know so that I could back out.

Post # 178
Member
1081 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

๐Ÿ™ i hope we can all move past this post. i really hate when people call people names. id never call someone fat unless they said something really mean to me. my sister is a bigger girl and beautiful. sorry to all the bigger girls who had to see this headline. im sure it didn’t feel awesome. 

Post # 179
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2014

i say kudos to you, AK, for having the guts to post this.

now. i’m posting this as a bigger girl (size 14-16, but i’ve never been below a size 10).

i just got back from my cousin’s wedding, and one of my best friends just got engaged.

one of the bridesmaids in my cousin’s wedding looked TERRIBLE. she was maybe a size 12 (where the others were probably size 0-2, including the bride) and the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses were satin and it was so ill fitting on her… it was obvious that the tailor couldn’t handle it after fitting the other model-thin girls. in the pictures, my eye immediately goes to the poor Bridesmaid or Best Man… not the bride, as amazing as she looked. i don’t know if it’s because of my size sensitivity, but it truly does ruin the picture when i look at it, because the focus isn’t the bride – and whenever the Bridesmaid or Best Man isn’t in focus, all i notice are the photographer tricks to make her look smaller – she’s the only one in shadow, she’s jumping off a bench in the jumping pictures, etc.

i’m agonizing over the posibility (eventuality, really) of being asked to be in my friend’s bridal party – she’s about a size 8, our other best friend is MAYBE a size 2, and so are her sisters. she’s set on a certain colour that won’t flatter my skin tone (dusty rose, and i’m super pale), and wants a uniform look. i WILL look out of place, in a BAD way, and i truly feel that i’ll take away from my friend’s big day looking as terrible as i know i will. i currently have a bad back injury (need a wheelchair to walk more than say, 50 steps), and i can’t work out to lose the weight. i’ve been trying to rigidly control my diet in anticipation of this, but it won’t be enough.

so. that being said, it you REALLY want her in your party… i’d tell you to send an email or FB message out to all your close female friends (not just potential bridesmaids) and say that you want help getting superfit for the wedding. plan weekly ‘girly’ events, where you do things like hike or take a healthy cooking class. make sure she’s always invited. play it off like you need her help to keep going. in my situation, i’d love my friend to do that (not that i could participate much at the moment, but still). i’d probably see straight through it, but i’d love her for trying so hard and at least TRYING to put up a front.

to whoever said 18-22 isn’t supremely overweight – i’m a 14-16 and i’m considered morbidly obese. i do have a high muscle mass, so the designation probably isn’t strictly accurate – but i don’t think her Future Sister-In-Law can be healthy at that size. being overweight is terrible for your health, and if you can delude yourself into thinking that 18-22 is ok, then please take yourself to a doctor and educate yourself about the realities of obesity. what you said honestly sounds the same to my ears as ‘it’s not so bad to only have 5 or 6 beers and then drive’… and i don’t think i’m alone.

Post # 180
Member
1081 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

This is not a classy way to discuss the dangers of obesity. This is a shallow and hurtful post.

I am a size 2 and so lucky to have a fast metabolism but I know from years as a heavy smoker that when you have an addiction its not so easy to just “stop”. I finally quit but not because people were mean.

I don’t like the term “fat”. It’s not constrictive and shouldn’t be used lightly. This isn’t about promoting obesity. Its about not promoting hurtful or judgmental comments. Starlette, you have a right to your opinion but there’s no reason to even call someone names.

I am officially done reading this post because it makes me sad and I know we are all better than this and want to discuss love and friendship.

To the OP, who am I to judge you, but I do think you should try be more considerate of the feelings of others on this board next time you want to post something like this. It could have been done with more sensativity. There is enough pain and uglyness in the world.

Post # 181
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2014

er… who did i call names?

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