(Closed) A wedding planner and a fat bridesmaid?

posted 11 years ago in Waiting
Post # 197
Member
1300 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

why on earth is this thread still open? i mean seriously?

everyone has their own opinions on this – and its like a friggin political debate over here. seriously energy is better put somewhere else than this post.

i would hope the poster was actually asking a legitimate question – and if so, no if you are close to your Future Sister-In-Law and you are genuinely her friend, then her size shouldnt matter.

if you arent close to her like you say you are, then i can see where her size would “offend” you. but then again, why ask if you dont want her to make your pictures “ugly” or something?

 

get the ring first, then worry about your bridal party. you might find that making family happy is more important than having a “fat” bridesmaid.

just my opinion.

Post # 198
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2014

anniebear – when i was a size 10 i had a healthy amount of bodyfat. if i was a size 8, my doctor probably would have told me to up my calorie intake. some people are just built bigger – but 18/22 goes beyond being built bigger.

Post # 199
Member
1369 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

are we trying to do a contest for longest thread? ……

Post # 200
Member
1387 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

LOL @missjyc: My thoughts exactly!  Why does this keep popping up?!?!  I guess it doesn’t help that I’m posting this… but seriously, this is one thread I’m HAPPY to kill… **fingers crossed**!  Laughing

Post # 201
Member
351 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

So I’m sorry to reply to this thread and keep it alive, but I felt I needed to clear something up that I said.

@noscare – you said “That being said… @Adira – you said “Except with alcoholics, they CAN stop drinking.  Overweight people CAN’T stop eating.” Both are serious addictions, and it is hearbreaking to see someone imply that an alcoholic can just stop, where is being overweight is much more difficult.”

What I meant by my comment, was that people don’t need alcohol to live, and thus an alcoholic, can, hopefully, stop drinking altogether and just avoid the stuff to hopefully get better and control their addiction.  Those with a food addiction cannot.  Since we MUST eat to survive, someone with a food addiciton cannot just avoid food to control their addiction.  They still must eat it on a regular basis, every day, and thus consume the very thing they are addicted to.  That’s all that I meant by my comparison.  Both addictions are serious and horrible and it’s sad when someone has an addiction and both are very difficult to overcome.  The difference that I meant to point out was that when an alcoholic controls his addiction, he/she does not consume alcohol anymore, while someone with a food addiction still must consume food.

I’m sorry if my comment offended anyone.  I was merely trying to point out how difficult having a food addiction can be to control.  But I’ve never had another addiction, so I really shouldn’t have compared them, since I don’t know if one is harder to control than the other.  So sorry.

Post # 202
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

To the original poster, on the assumption you’re not really a troll:  I understand what you are saying.  I disagree with the way you said it, but I do understand.  Has anyone looked at a wedding magazine and seen a photo of a bridesmaid who was larger than a size 4?  I’ve seen photos of brides, but not bridesmaids.  Most movies, TV shows, etc, all show a line of perfect, Vera-clad size 2 bridesmaids, and I think we’re all influenced by the media without our consent. 

I too fell victim to this when planning my wedding.  I fell in love with JCrew and Ann Taylor bridesmaid dresses that would not fit either of my girls because they only go up to size 16.  One bridesmaid is a size 16 (those lines tend to run small) and the other is 18-20.  Was I kind of bummed?  Yeah, I was.  Did I want the “perfect” Martha-worthy wedding?  Sure.  But after I got over my moment of bratty-ness, I reconsidered what a “perfect” wedding was.  Is a perfect wedding one where everyone looks like they’ve stepped out of the JCrew catalog?  Or was my perfect wedding a day when my close friends and family came together to celebrate with us?  The difference is that until now, I never really voiced my “concern.” But here it is, on the table. 

If you’re not close with the sister, ask her to play some other part in your wedding: do a reading, hold the chuppah, hand out programs, whatever.  Problem solved.    

Post # 203
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2010

So sad….I hope you never gain weight.  My sisters are not small but I’m not going to exclude them from my wedding because they are not a size 4,8, or 10.  sure i have a few friends that are small but in the end my sisters are my best friends and are there for me. I agree the perfect wedding is having all your friends and family together to celebrate your wedding but hey what do i know.  i love my sisters no matter how big they are.  so awful.

Post # 204
Member
17 posts
Newbee

I haven’t read through all the comments, so this might have already been stated, but here’s my two cents, for what it’s worth:

 

If the Future Sister-In-Law is that much bigger, yes she might stand out. Some women hold their weight better than others however, so it’s worth taking a step back and deciding how much she’ll really stand out in your photos.

Sidenote: To me, this isn’t a “big person” problem, but rather, one about “balance”. The same issue would arise if the bride was a size 10, with friends who were a 12, 14, and 16, and then one size 0/2. It just happens to be that it is a larger girl that is the odd one out.

If you decide the Future Sister-In-Law would really stand out, then the decision to make is whether your current relationship with her is enough to overcome your concerns about her potential to throw off the aesthetics of the photos. If she’s a good enough friend, upon further reflection, you might decide you’d rather have her in her photos despite her weight.

 

From what I can tell from the original post, the reason you’re contemplating putting her in your wedding party at all is that she’s expecting it. One of my best friend didn’t put her OWN sister in her wedding party even though she’d been Maid/Matron of Honor for hers because she had other friends she’d rather stand by her.

Your post doesn’t state how close you are to the Future Sister-In-Law, but even if you do have a good relationship, if it’s not as close as that with the other four girls, it might be that it’s not enough for you to lessen the quality of the photos (in your eyes). If so, you could just let her know that while you’re looking forward to making memories with her in the future, you don’t want too many bridesmaids, and you really want those who have stood by you in the past to be those who stand by you for the wedding.

 

Good luck!

 

 

 

Post # 205
Member
1596 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

@edgy peanuts your right you can still be overweight even if u exercise and eat the right food it comes down to calories in calories out. I lost weight by keeping my calories to under 1200 per day and exercised for 1 hour full on 5-6 days a week. For me to stay thin I maintain my exercise and keep calories under 1600 per day.

Post # 206
Member
1300 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

WHY IS THIS POST STILL OPEN?!?!!?!?!

Post # 207
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee

Why do you feel that if you hired a wedding planner, you would end up doing all the work yourself? A good wedding planner will let you have a say in your vendor choices, so you should still be able to use your connections and get your discounts. Most wedding planners offer different levels of planning support. Maybe in your case you can do the early legwork of finding all the vendors you want to use, then passing it over to the planner a few months before the wedding to coordinate. At the very least a day-of-coordinator will let you enjoy the day without having to worry about whether the cake was delivered, if the placecards are laid out, etc. 

As far as the bridesmaid issue, I wouldn’t put her in your bridal party. Not because she is a different size, but because you don’t seem to really care if she’s in it or not. I wouldn’t want someone in my bridal party that I could take or leave. I wanted my bridal party to be those that I couldn’t imagine getting married without them standing next to me.

Post # 208
Member
1596 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

@spaganya no one had posted for a whole day until you posted which of course bumped it. Furthermore u would have actually had to look up the post again if u dont like it dont click on to it. I personally have found it interesting and understand that everyone has the right to their own opinion.

Post # 209
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@jgoulart  Wow, that was an amazing comment!!! This made me LOL. but its true and sad. How one’s weight is seen as such a problem to others. They are the ones living with it, not you.

 

This poor bride. I mean yes, she may be vain but she had a question for us brides. we shouldn’t be so nasty and just answer her question.

 

Yes, ask her to be your bridesmaid. She will not ruin your pictures. if anything, she may make you look more radiant. 

 

Now you other brides, please, don’t be nasty towards me. I just think that out of our hearts we should just answer the poor girls question. I have to agree with the majority of your comments back that the weight of her Future Sister-In-Law should be the least of her worries, and that its nasty to ask. but she did. so we should honor that and just respond to the question. 

Post # 210
Member
343 posts
Helper bee

I would skip the planner – but then again I’m a control freak and would want to do it all myself.  Unless you have money to burn, it sounds like you have plenty of contacts and don’t need a planner.

About the Future Sister-In-Law question.  I hate to admit it but this has crossed my mind when thinking about who I would choose as bridesmaids.  Not that I would ultimately act on it and exclude anyone for their size, but it did cross my mind. One of my very best friends, who I would make my maid of honor, is a size 16.  The other 3 I have in mind are probably 4, 6 and 8 (just guessing).  I’m a 4.  And I also did wonder if she might be embarrassed being the only large girl in the party. 

But in the end, her appearance is NOT the importance here.  So, if I ever get married again, she’ll be the bridesmaid. I never really thought of it as “ruining my photos.”  That never crossed my mind. 

As far as my Future Sister-In-Law – I wouldn’t EVER ask her to be in the party but not because of her size.  Because she’s just not a nice person.  And I feel like we should all get to pick who stands up for us.  Future Sister-In-Law is probably an 18-20 but if she were kind and “normal” – I’d ask her to be in it.

I guess in the end we’re all vain to some extent.  My SO is TERRIBLY vain.

Try to forget the superficial stuff and enjoy

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