(Closed) A wedding planner and a fat bridesmaid?

posted 12 years ago in Waiting
Post # 122
Member
211 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Oh, and I let my bridesmaids buy whatever dark brown dress they wanted from any store, and the larger bridesmaid ended up making her dress so that it would fit her well (it turned out awesome!). There are plenty of options for larger sizes – no excuses there.

Post # 123
Member
99 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Don’t forget to put a provision in your pre-nup that says you can divorce your husband if he gets too fat (and vice versa)! Appearances are everything, ya know! [/sarcasm]

And as for that picture posted, I had to look a couple times to find which girl made the photo look unbalanced. So… uh… I would say, it didn’t look unbalanced.

In the end, it’s your decision what you want to do about the wedding planner and the bridesmaid. I’m sure most planners have dealt with much worse than you, and as for your boyfriend’s sister… well, if you’re going to be tempted to let your opinion slip in front of her, or for the rest of your life, you’re going to say things like “Oh God, look how FAT she is!” when you’re showing off your wedding pictures, perhaps you should exclude her.

I wish you the best. (Okay, that was a lie.)

Post # 124
Member
768 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Wow. All I can say is wow. You should probably start focusing on yourself and your priorities and focus less on stuff that hinges on you actually gettting engaged. Really hope for his sake that your possible future husband isn’t fat.

Post # 125
Member
3856 posts
Honey bee

I gotta say, both times photos came up in this discussion, it took me a while to find the ‘fat’ bridesmaid. Seriously.

I feel like … the people who I know in real life who would be concerned about the size (or appearance) of their bridesmaids tend to be the ones who are the most personally insecure.

To the OP: I guess in the end it will boil down to you deciding what your priorities are. No one else can tell you what those should be – whether it’s aesthetics or relationships or continuity or whatever, your wedding day (and the repurcussions that follow it, whether that’s damaged relationships or photos you don’t like or whatever else) are ultimately up to you and your Fiance.

I will say this – if you do include your sister in law, and you are honest this concerned about her weight in your photographs, you could always ask your photographer to keep it in mind when posing people. As many of our blogger bees have written about in the past, there are definitely more (and less) flattering photo angles for every body shape. Any photographer worth her (or his) snuff will know how to flatter everyone in your wedding party.

Post # 126
Member
768 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I agree @daydreamwanderer. I would never exclude someone for how they looked and now I feel upset that I’ve posted wedding photos on here since apparently some of you (especially OP) were just noticing my fat arms and not my happy smile, beautiful dress, and awesome husband.

I’m glad that my friends both online and off are not people like this.

Post # 127
Member
645 posts
Busy bee

Removed out of respect.  🙂  By the poster, not WB.

Post # 128
Member
394 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’m reluctant to even comment on this, but here goes. One of my good friends recently got married and had a bridal party with six girls. These girls could not have looked any more different from one another–they ranged in height from just over 4 feet to 6’1″! They ranged in body shape from extremely slender to what would probably count as obese and everything in between. No joke. And guess what–the photos were gorgeous! The bride picked a flattering dress in a flattering material, sure, but moreover, everyone was *radiating* happiness at the joy of the event. And it showed. I’m sure she treasures those photos and will for a long time. Bridesmaids should be the friends/family members you love most and who will be beaming with joy for you on your big day. Plain and simple.

Post # 129
Member
1449 posts
Bumble bee

Everyone, I know some of you think she may be a “troll”, but please refrain from saying it on the boards.  If shes not, its very hurtful and other newbees might get scared off from posting because their question or post might offend people and then they will be called a troll.  If you think somoene is posting just to start trouble, you can always flag it and then it will be reviewed. 

Post # 130
Member
394 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@kjpugs…please don’t feel that way b/c the only thing I ever noticed about your photos was how GORGEOUS and HAPPY you looked! In fact, I even bookmarked a pic of you b/c your hair is exactly how I want mine to look 🙂 (hopefully that does not sound creepy!)

Post # 131
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2010

skip the wedding planner. you’d probably complain about everything anyway. and since you are so vain in thinking that a plus sized Bridesmaid or Best Man would ruin your photos, maybe you should just go ahead and tell her that? I’m sure she won’t be offended in knowing that her future sister in law, whom she has a relationship with, values their friendship so much that she does not want to embarass her by looking monstorous in a picture. who knows? she may not even be aware that she is overweight and needs someone like you to point it out. god forbid she’s there to support her brother and family. you disgust me. how would feel if you were excluded from your sibling’s bridal party because you were skinny and would ruin the photos? geet over yourself and have a nice day.

Post # 132
Member
1616 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I am with kjpugs – after the comments from some of the posters in this thread about “fat” people and fat arms in pictures, I am beginning to wish I hadn’t posted pics of myself, and it makes me think twice about posting pics in the future. I hate the thought that people would be looking at them and picking apart my “fat” arms. I don’t want anyone to look at pictures of me at my happiest and just thinking how fat and ugly the bride/bride-to-be looks in the pics.

Post # 133
Member
211 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I think it is cruel and mean that people think it is okay to judge people’s health and lifestyle by how they look.

I am a size 18.  I lead a very healthy lifestyle.  I am active, I don’t eat meat, fast food, chips, etc.  My favorite foods are mostly fresh veggies and I will admit that I probably eat pasta too often even if it is with a light sauce.  (oh and I DO bathe, shave my legs and fix my hair, thank you very much!)

Who do you think you are to judge me?  You are not perfect either, sweetie.

My eldest sister was ashamed of being overweight most of her life.  She was one of the most wonderful people I have ever known and she died way too young of cancer that was most likely brought on because of where she lived.  She left an unbelievable number of friends behind, none of whom cared about her dress size.

I have made the decision not to diet anymore.  Many many years of diets and workouts never made much difference and made me more miserable.  It is not good for my mental health to focus on food and weight that much.  I just try to eat as healthy as I can and to accept myself as I am.  I hope pharm and others will be able to do that someday.

 

Post # 134
Member
1770 posts
Buzzing bee

Well said @edgypeanuts!  People who weigh more aren’t always UNHEALTHY.  If they’re active and cutting out the bad stuff, then I see no issue!  I think if people want to pick on people’s weight or worry about their supposed “fat” arms, then others should be able to call them out on their supposedly less-than-appealing attributes!

Post # 135
Member
656 posts
Busy bee

Is this really still going on?

You are all just giving attention to bridzilla who is obviously getting what she wants :/

Post # 136
Member
8375 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

You know, I think it’s crap somebody’s allowed to make a post like this that directly hurts the feelings of SO many people….it’s like it was done ON PURPOSE, just to be mean.

You have a black heart. I feel sorry for you and everyone in your life that has to deal with the way you think–this kind of shallowness is just wrong. I feel very sorry for your (possible) future sister in law. I hope for goodness sakes your kids aren’t fat. Or that if they are, you don’t put them down so much they get eating disorders. You really need to think about how you express sentiments like this. It’s just MEAN, there is no way to get around it. And i realize it probably stems from your own extreme insecurities and fear of becoming heavy.

I wasn’t even gonna say anything until I noticed a few people talking about how concerned they are about THEIR photos now, and I think that’s AWFUL. NOBODY should be made directly to feel crappy about themselves because ONE person says “fat people look bad in photos”. I mean, really.

Unfortunately, it is a fact of life that people who think this way exist. But what goes around comes around. I really hope everybody who has taken to heart what the OP says realizes she is one person (possibly someone JUST posting to stir up trouble) and there is always a bad egg somewhere. For every one person that thinks like this, there are hundreds who do not.

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