Post # 1
i am getting married on the twenty third of july and i am beyond angry with my moh. first, after i chose her and my bridesmaids she asked me what i was getting them for gifts….is that not completely rude. i let it go considering i am trying to avoid drama. second, she asked how she was going to stand out at the wedding. third, there was a hiccup with our plans to stay at the house the night before but theres def not beds for everyone so we would have aero beds and couches and such to sleep on. she threw a fit saying that she wants to be comfortable because shes going to have a lonnnng day the next day. like no one else will…are you kidding. thats something i would expect from a bride not a bm or moh. then she said she would. last night she again asked who was staying with me the night before and i informed her that not everyone since some bms have s.o.s coming and that they were helping split a room with them since we all live two hours away so it doesnt make sense for them not too help split a room with their husbands. so then she said oh i will prob stay with my bf then. i told her well theyre only staying with them to help lower the cost of a hotel room because they live two hours away. she only lives thirty minutes from town and her bf only lives forty mins from our wedding town. she then claimed that he cant drive if he drinks at the rehearsal so i asked if he was planning on getting drunk and she said well he cant drive even if he has one. i said i give up, stay with him. she said she will figure it out…but now i know she doesnt want to stay there so i dont want her to. granted she has helped at all with the planning over the past year. she has only been concerned with things that effect her. i had a discussion of all of the negative comments and she of course said i was jumping down her throat yada yada when i was not. i feel like she doesnt want to be involved at all but i know she will act all high and mighty since her title is moh yet she has not done a damn thing. i feel like demoting her, i am so furious i am shaking thinking about all of these things she has said and how inconsiderate she has been. please let me know your thoughts. i dont need her ruining our day and need to discuss this asap.
Post # 3
Please break that up. I couldn’t read it all due to my eyes crossing several times.
Post # 4
edit….she has not helped with anything at all….accidentally put has…def hasnt.
Post # 5
if its bothering you that much you should ask her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man and not maid of honor. what ever you do, do it before your print the programs. hopefully she wont get upset and completly drop out. i dont think that will happen because she has already paid for her dress.
just try having a conversation with her and telling her how you feel. at any rate dont let her or anyone else ruin your day.
Post # 6
Dump her. I would never let someone with the title of Maid/Matron of Honor act all high and mighty like that. What kind of friend is she??
Post # 7
@soontobemrscyrus: Let it go. I wouldn’t bring up the sleeping arrangements again until she does, if at all. It’s her problem where she sleeps, not yours. You’ll have a spot for her but if she doesn’t use it, no big deal. She can get a hotel room and be done with it if she’s so concerned about being super comfortable.
Post # 8
I could barely follow but if the issue is just about where she is sleeping the night before I would just let it go.
Post # 9
its about all of the rude things she has done not just about the sleeping arrangements….all of this is snowballing.
Post # 10
@soontobemrscyrus: Just let it go, your wedding is almost here. Just ignore her and enjoy your wedding
Post # 11
@soontobemrscyrus: Part of me wants to say to drop her completely. What made you pick her as your Maid/Matron of Honor in the first place? She doesn’t sound like she has been a good friend throughout the planning process; and, is making something that should be about you, completely about her. It does not sound like she is a good friend and definitely not one that deserve the title of Maid/Matron of Honor.
If she is a good friend of yours and you want to keep her as your Maid/Matron of Honor, I would suggest talking to her and telling her how you are feeling. If she decides that she does not want to be your Maid/Matron of Honor after you talk to her, then that is her decision–at least you gave her a chance to shape up.
Post # 12
I tried my best to read your post, but it was extremely difficult to read. However, while I agree with you that your Maid/Matron of Honor seems very overly-concerned with her own self, if the issue here is where she is going to be sleeping, then I would let her make her own decision regarding where she would like to stay. Make your case to her about why you want her to stay with you, but if in the end she would prefer to stay at her BFs house, then there is nothing that you can do about it.
Don’t “demote” her this close to the wedding- if I were your Maid/Matron of Honor, I’d take your “demotion” and raise you a “thank you, but I’d rather not even be IN your wedding”. It’s embarassing for her, and it would be very rude of you to do something like that. This is your wedding party, not a place of employment or an army- the concept of “demoting” a Maid/Matron of Honor to Bridesmaid or Best Man is just ridiculous when you start thinking about it. “Oh, By The Way I’m demoting you in the program to a “lesser title” and I’m going to “promote” someone else to stand next to me at the wedding and be denoted as my most treasured friend.” Good grief. What’s next? Are you going to take back the “est iends” half of your “best friends” necklace from her? Not let her sit at your table at lunch?
You obviously have your reasons for asking her to be Maid/Matron of Honor in the first place; while I can tell that you are very frustrated with her behavior, please try to remember that not every Bridesmaid or Best Man obsessively reads wedding blogs and message boards, and that sometimes your Maid/Matron of Honor isn’t going to be the most awesome wedding helper. My BMs didn’t help me at all, but they’re still my friends. My Maid/Matron of Honor didn’t do jack to help with my wedding, but I still love her and wanted to honor my friendship with her by making her Maid/Matron of Honor. Sometimes, it’s best to pick your battles and let some of the little things go. You will enjoy the next few weeks more if you do.
Post # 13
I say suck it up. she should have been demoted a long time go. Your ten days out. I don’t doubt its frustrating but just let it be.
Post # 15
Ignore the drama, get through your wedding, and tell the beast to get a hotel room like a normal adult.
Post # 16
I’m sorry to hear that your relationship with your Maid/Matron of Honor is causing so much stress for you close to the wedding. I think you need to let her know how her actions are making you feel and to communicate, in a nice way, that this event is not about her.
But I wouldn’t “demote” her, as you say, that would be humiliating for her and would most likely ruin the friendship for good.