- 8 years ago
- Wedding: November 2011
Sorry for the long post. I am under my secret name… again. I wrote last year with my cold feet and a temptation that resulted in me almost calling off the wedding. I spoke to my then Fiance about it and he promised to change. I agreed to marry him under those conditions on which none were held after the marriage. I was somewhat miserable on my honeymoon, knowing I made an awful decision. When we got back I tried to pick myself up and really focus on my marriage. I REALLY tried. I DID, I continued to try even though I had only been happy for one year our 3 yr relationship. When 4 years hit, something just kind of snapped. I had already spoken to him multiple times about the same things and was done talking. I was sick of begging and pleading for change, sick of being SO unhappy. He was bringing the worst instead of the best out in me, and my self esteem had dropped as well as finding the joy that I always found in life. I began to mourn. I realized my relationship was over, and I couldn’t do it anymore. I had felt I had TRULY done my part, and was barely getting anything in return. My best friend lived with us for a year, and he noticed how unhappy I was, how miserable I was, and how I just wasn’t the high energy, constantly smiling girl he’s used to. He pointed out how he found my husband to be combative and disrespectful, the same way I did, and I further had confirmation that I wasn’t being crazy or overly sensitive (like my husband would always say). I decided I needed a seperation, and took a job in CA (across the country)
As my decision was made, my college friend (the one who made me really think about my marriage last yr) came back into town. We were truly just friends. We started hanging out weekly and talking multiple times a week (much more than we ever did before). We are really attracted to each other, but he’s just TOO charming and TOO confident that I wouldn’t think he’d be interested esp since I’m married. Anyway, I was wrong. After about 2 months of hanging out, he told me how he has feelings for me. How he was workign SO hard to get to grey area, how he thinks I have everything in a girl a guy coudl hope for, I’m gorgeous, etc. Since then, he treats me differently. Like I feel he’s a lot more Girlfriend like with me (i.e. always opening doors, paying for things, etc). He FINALLY got me to let my guard down and begin to have feelings for him too, but that just complicated things MORE. I mean I’m married, I’m moving, and I don’t even know what we are/what we even want.
I need advice, and advice bad. I think the move will be good to allow me to get space from BOTH of them and hopefully see things clearly, but how to I handle everything? Should I just stop talkign to him when I go to CA. I mean I believe in some way we could be a fantastic couple, and I coudl totally see myself ending up with him, but I can also see myself getting really hurt (which is why I’m really cautious). He is visiting me in CA right after the holidays, and says he is trying to move to my city when he finishes school (in 7 months). I don’t know.. anyone else been in a similar situation? What did you do? What would you?