(Closed) AA Brides …… what is your take on this??

posted 8 years ago in African-American
Post # 3
Member
408 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

There was a Nightline special about a week ago discussing this issue and interviewed a few successful single AA women; Steve Harvey was also a special guest. I think if I was still single at mu current age (29) and had no potential prospects, I would honestly have to say that I would be concerned about it….but try my hardest to just focus on myself and trying to be the best wife when Mr. Right does come along.

 

 

Post # 4
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2010

OK, when I first looked at this post I thought it was referring to Alcoholics Anonymous!  lol But I digress…This is the first that I have heard of these statistics, but I certainly know from my personal experience that this has some truth to it.  There are so many beautiful, strong, and inteligent women in our community who are still searching for love and want to be married.  But to answer your question, no I have never worried about this for myself because when it comes down to it there are many statistics that are not in our favor and if I worried about all of them, I think a girl could go crazy!

Post # 7
Member
408 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Yeah….not promising at all; a very bleak and depressing picture.

Post # 8
Member
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I learned back in undergrad that statistics can be used to push any agenda.  I’m sure if I really wanted to, I could find statistics that show Black marriages are successful.  So, I have never worried about the statistics.  I have not had an issue with meeting “good” men, it just took some time to meet the “good” man for me.   It does not depress me or cause me any pain when I hear or read about these statistics.  I see it has a way to frustrate us and keep us down on ourselves.  Some people read these things and just give up totally on finding the one for them.  Statistics are numbers… nothing more.  And with most numbers, you can manipulate them to give you a result you want… if you’re good enough at manipulation.  It might seem elementary that 1 + 1 = 2; but sometimes… a smart person can convince the masses that it actually equals 3.  And the masses will listen and base their life decisions on that.  I do find it comical that the media is paying so much attention to the marriage rate in Black America and the percentage of single Black women.  Why now? 

Post # 9
Member
7082 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

I think it’s an interesting question academically, but also has a lot of practical significance.  So many of my girlfriends are looking for the right guy and having trouble finding him.  Many have started dating outside racial lines with mixed feelings about it.

I read another statistic while I was in grad school that freaked me out.  It said that if a woman hadn’t met the person she was going to marry by the time she graduated from grad school, then she had only a 16% chance of meeting and marrying someone.  Those are horrible odds that pertained to me!

I refused to let myself become a statistic and became a success… I later found out that those statistics were from the 80’s which were pretty outdated for our era.

Anyway, I’m glad that my black sisters on this board have met with success and are beating the odds!  I hope the same for my IRL girlfriends.  Any of you want to write a book to help my friends out?

Post # 10
Member
1335 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I saw this story on Dateline too. And found that the statistics were startling, but sadly not surprising in the context of our society.  It’s heartbreaking to think that so many great women may not have the opportunity to be married just because of the color of their skin. 

So when I think about the stats, it makes me so thankful that I found someone to love and love me back.  Although I may actually be one of the other “statistics” because I did find love outside of my race. Sure, I had always thought I would marry an African American man, but when I found love with my Fiance I very quickly discovered that love knows no color.

Post # 11
Member
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I actually think this is fairly accurate, although I know numbers can be manipulated. When I go out and in my field of work, I do not see many AA women who are married in my age range (late 20’s early 30’s) however I see a lot of women of other ethnic backgrounds who are.

For me, personally, I didn’t worry about the statistic or even consider not getting married as a possibility for me. My AA grandparents were married until their death, most of my aunts & uncles are married, and many of my cousins are married (although we are technically “mixed” I consider myself and most of us AA).

Also, I think the problem is that not everyone defines “marriage” the same. Most of my friends parents are not legally married (nor were mine) although some have married after 20+ years, but they weren’t any less “married” than those who made it legal, KWIM? So, if long-term committed (a.k.a. common law) marriages were included, I’m sure that would bump up the statistic some.

The statistics that I find more interesting are that the more money an AA man makes, the more likely he will marry a non-AA woman and that the more money and education an AA woman has, the more likely she is to be alone. Now, those two (and, no, I don’t have exact numbers on the top of my head) are the ones I have the hardest time wrapping my head around, although I could debate any number of reasons why.

 

Post # 12
Member
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010 - The Tower Club

The last time I saw one of these things, posted on CNN, I willfully decided that it didn’t apply to me. I met FH the next day.

I really have a problem with articles declaring a certain type of person “less likely to marry if ____”, particularly the ones written to scare readers rather than just reporting facts. I think the articles are potentially damaging and serve to reinforce cultural stereotypes (racial or age-related or whatever).

Here’s a pretty good article about it.

 

Post # 13
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee

Totally agree MsSnuggie! I met good men all the time, but not the right good man for me! Glad someone understands it. I’ve told people that and they get confused…how, I’m not sure. LOL (I met him after I prayed for him though.;) )

I try not to listen to those statistics. I’ve already beat one by not being a single parent. We all know how supposedly all black women have kids and aren’t married.

Post # 14
Member
637 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@ Ms. Snuggy — So, I am a sociologist working on my PhD right now, so I will definitely 2nd your point about the usage of statistics.  For instance, even if we accept the statistic as factually “correct” it doesn’t consider cohabitation–which can be equally as committed and long-term.  That’s just the first possibly-overlooked consideration that came to mind.  

I think that if I hadn’t been in a committed relationship over the past years I would have been worried, but not just b/c of the stats for AA marriages–but rather b/c I see so few healthy, happy relationships PERIOD that sometimes its hard to believe that it’s out there.  In fact this week alone, I had two friends tell me how happy they were for me and my Fiance b/c they knew so few good people in good relationships!  

(Plus, I’m INCREDIBLY picky, and I don’t think anyone else would have made the cut!!) 

Post # 15
Member
1280 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

i agree that statistics can be used to manipulate people (i am both a statistic and iiving proof that statistics can be overcome ;)), and they are only a small window into the factors that cause or influence certain social circumstances. but i think there is probably some truth to them. i heard a frightening, and similar statistic a few years ago that probably contributes to the low rates of AA women being married. something like twice as many AA women graduate from college as AA men…. and i know it’s a big generalization, but for some people, having a similar education level or background is important to them and makes people more compatible. which means the pool of equally eligible AA males is wayyyy smaller for eligible AA females. it’s a truly sad state of affairs, but i’ve witnessed it happen.

also, there’s been a HUGE shift in family makeup and attitudes about marriage over generations in the AA community. i think single motherhood has become far more acceptable (of which i am a product), and generally speaking, i think in larger, more urban areas, women tend to be much more career/education oriented and therefore tend to marry and start families later.

Post # 16
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I totally agree that if we wholeheartedly believed every statistic that was released about us, we probably wouldn’t get out of bed in the morning.  Life is what you make it, numbers do not have any affect on your personal relationship.  When I read things like this I don’t even let the negativity enter my thoughts because I know I am going to get what I give in the universe, regardless of the stats.  I am a over 30 AA female and I am currently engaged to a wonderful, caring, strong, God-fearing AA male.  I am so happy we have found each other and we are together regardless of the “stats”.  I say that you can do anything if you believe in yourself, start a business, start a family and yes ladies….even have a successful relationship:)

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