(Closed) Abandonment at wedding (should I run?)

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
782 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

This is sooo awkward, and I feel really bad for you.  What an uncomfortable situation to be in!

If you’re sure you want to end it with this guy, just go home now and end all of this awkwardness.  BUT, if you see any kind of future for this relationship, I really do think you should try to stick it out.  His family will hate you otherwise.  Then, when everything is over, you can tear him a new one when you get home.

I also want to mention, on the other side of the coin, that you’re an adult woman.  Why are you letting yourself get put into this awkward position?  DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.  Seriously.  Book your own hotel room and tell the mother that you wanted to make sure you weren’t imposing and that you didn’t want to stress her out or make her feel responsible for you when she’s got a lot going on.  Rent a car so you’ll have transportation to the wedding (and to your new hotel, if there are no rooms available in your current one).  If you don’t have a way to get to the car rental place, call a taxi.  Don’t just passively allow other people to be responsible for you.  No one’s stopping you from doing any of these things.

Your BF dropped the ball, but it’s not his mom’s or his sister’s responsibility to give you stuff to do or a place to stay or whatever.  Get your own hotel room, your own car, and find a way to entertain or occupy yourself while they get ready for the wedding.  Go to the wedding.  Then go home and kill your BF.

 

Post # 33
Member
7960 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

very awkward.   your bf has been gone all week alone and still doesn’t want to spend the night with you???  there’s something more to that.

i would politely go to the wedding, make your appearance, smile, shake hands and kiss some cheeks and thank the bride and groom for having you along with the congrats.  the day after the wedding i would be on the next plane out.

i’d like to know the update if there is one.

Post # 35
Member
799 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Kempinski San Lawrenz, Gozo

@pinkybunny: girl, you are incredible. I would NOT have kept calm. wow. how you maintained your composure throughout the whole event is beyond me. that man better respect you. you’re the epitome of patience, and it would be a crying shame to have someone you love abuse that.

Post # 36
Member
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

My Fiance would be SHOT if he treated me that way…..regardless if he was busy he could have at least had a hotel room with you…was he trying to relive his glory days?

Good luck on your future with him…

Post # 37
Member
1607 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

First, I LOVE THE WAY YOU WRITE!!!

second, you handled your self well! way better than I would have!

I’m happy everything worked out ok! We are happy you found this site so please dont ever leave!

Post # 38
Member
3282 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1993

you’ve been with this guy for four years and they still don’t consider you close? But close enough to be their wedding bitch?

 

Think very, very carefully before this relationship goes any further – after they way his mom acted toward you ‘fragile petal of tears’ it sounds to me like she would be a real fun person to deal with if you married into the family. And it sounds like your BF has some growing up to do.

Post # 39
Member
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@pinkybunny: You are a class act. Read the whole crazy thing and I’m so sorry. I’m trying to word this right. I think it is unfortunate, unfair and highly immature of him to wait to the point that he is effectively in trouble (mama’s little petal?) for him to finally try and reach out toward you for damage control. Then and only then do you get the multiple phone calls, attempts to connect in person, and the invitation to stay with him at the party. Upon seeing you had been up all night, then and only then, you will note, did mother invite you to the salon, so clearly we see where he gets that behavior — from mommy dearest.

While you may well be able to work out this glitch of the weekend with him to some extent, it seems you both come from very different worlds, and speak very different languages when it comes to core values of being a couple. Your expectations need to be clearly defined from here on out and you can use the wedding as an example.

He expected to be with the guys most of the time, helping out a little here and there, being cared for and things planned for him. You expected to be with him, to be ushered in on his arm, not to say you *need* to be because you are perfectly capable of handling yourself, but moreso as common courtesy. You show up to the wedding together, you enjoy the event together, you help together, you go home together. You spend the night together. If he wants a night to party with the boys and have a LAN party, that is okay by you and he should be able to communicate that to you freely without fear of being scolded for being naughty. But as the event nears it is time to be with your lady, dude. The lady who traveled all this way to celebrate *your* family event when she easily could be elsewhere enjoying a margarita.

Post # 40
Member
7960 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

i still want to know what was going on in “the basement”.

Post # 41
Member
4394 posts
Honey bee

What a shit show. I think you handled yourself very well, but now that the wedding is over you should not be afraid to assert yourself and be very honest with him about his behavior. IMO his behavior was really immature and unacceptable. And like a PP said, he obviously gets it from his mommy. (side note: petal of tears? Wtf) don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself here. 

Post # 42
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

wow you handled yourself incredibly well and I can’t even imagine being in such an awkward situation.

Post # 43
Member
908 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Wow this sounds like an akward situation.  He is a jackass for not wanting to spend time with you.  Why would he not want you around his friends? Does he realize what type of situation he has put you in? He sound very inconsiderate and I would take this as a red flag

My Future Mother-In-Law made me feel very welcome during Future Sister-In-Law wedding she invited me to get ready with the girls I was invited to the wedding shower and she tried hard to not make me feel like family and I was not even a year dating Fiance.  His mom also sounds like a jackass.

Post # 44
Member
67 posts
Worker bee

You need a medal! I am so impressed with how you handled a situation where all it could so easily have fallen apart. Well done!

Post # 45
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

For some reason my phone isn’t allowing me to reply to mypinkshoes. The basement thing is strange. If everyone else was with their partners why wouldn’t he be? 

Post # 46
Member
6580 posts
Bee Keeper

Wow, just wow. I wouldn’t have handled myself so well in this situation. Reading about his mother, I just want to fly to wherever the is and smack her upside the head. As for him, I hope he gets on his hands and knees and begs for forgiveness.

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