- 6 years ago
I am trying to be as rational as possible here…but I am seeing the demise of my relationship begin – TONIGHT – as the wedding kicks off (and, it’s not my wedding, but my bf’s sister).
Long story short, it has been nearly 4 years together. His family lives several states away — at most I see them twice a year. His mother doesn’t really know me well (lives too far away), but seems to dislike me. I’ve tried to brush it under the rug (‘well, she doesn’t know me yet…I’m his first girlfriend she’s met…blah blah”) …but it’s come to a head tonight.
Tonight is bf’s sisters rehersal. I have been here for 3 days (will be staying 5). My bf is a groomsmen, and he flew out here earlier than me (for big bachelor party stuff the weekend before). He has been out here a week.
So far, I have felt okay about my place (I barely know the girl — but I do wish her well). I knew the bf would be preoccupied, and I offered in advance to help any way I could. So far, I’ve been pretty busy. I ended up doing 6 hours of baking cupcakes (with my bf, fortunately — which was nice, because it was the only day I really saw him). I have been asked to do guestbook stuff. Carry gifts to the car. Help mom organize rehersal snacks (more intense then you’d think). Clean up rehersal snacks. Made sure my bf had a coat (which I bought) for the rehersal event….but yeah. Busy.
I thought the mom was happy with this. She mentioned before I came that I would be ‘following the girls’. I did go to the bridal shower (a bit awkward, but, I brought a gift and grinned a lot). However, I was not invited to the ‘salon’ day (which is 1/2 the wedding day). This I would be okay with….but….
1) There was some loose mention prior to me arriving about me going…and apparently this wasn’t a rumor that just I heard, because every bridesmaid and the bride keeps mentioning/referencing/asking if I’m coming…
2) Bf – has been really, really distant (except for cupcake day). His sister and her fiance seem to be somewhat aware of this — but mom NOT at all. I was NEVER really briefed on what was going down in terms of sleeping arrangements. Since the venue is about an 1 hour and 1/2 from mom’s house, I thought “okay, we are all staying there”. (Um, no.)
…nope, mom rented a hotel room for TWO nights (night of rehersal and AFTER wedding)…(ok…).
…ALSO, bf is NOT staying at hotel. Nope. He is staying in someone’s basement with the SINGLE boys (sounds like the not single groomsmen are coming over, and leaving after — sleeping in the hotel with their girlfriends). This is NOT just for the rehersal night, but also for the WEDDING NIGHT (wtf?). I asked a bunch of times, in a light-hearted manner “hey — what are you doing tonight?” (i.e. why am I sleeping with your mom, dude?). MULTIPLE times he assures me that “NOTHING IS HAPPENING THEY HAVE ALREADY DONE THE BACHELOR PARTY”. (not much more said about the second night, but I heard a rumor he wants to host a LAN party.)
…Mom and I are driving over to the rehersal dinner, and she breaks the news to me (really, it is news) that I won’t be coming for the salon day (okay….). I politely remind her that I don’t need/want in on the beautifying, I’m cool with just hanging out. She says “no, no. You want to sleep in!!” (okay…).
…small problem though — she will be leaving me all day alone in the hotel with no way to get to the ceremony. Bf can’t get me (in fact she doesn’t bother to ask). But, (oh wait!) random groomsmen bunking in hotel with HIS Girlfriend has a car (really?). I’m going with him (okay…).
…Text bf. Say this is all shady as hell. I think his mom is PISSED at me (based on sudden turn of salon events — which nobody seems aware of, but her. Heck, THE bride got the news change from me). No clue why. My guess — best guess — maybe it is because her son has made me a freeloader accessory (with nary a thought of warning to me — cuz I damn well would’ve gotten my OWN hotel room had I known about any of these plans). Oh, and yeah — I don’t think she likes me anyways.
…then again, maybe she is mad because I asked her if it was okay if I volunteered to help with chairs and she kept saying “oh, go go. See bf.” (…okay. Um, I was just going because I thought they needed more help. The coffee search you wanted me to follow you on seemed like a one-woman task. 150+ chair prep — not so much.).
… She’s pissed right?
So, what does bf say? I am probably over-reacting. Also, the notable signs of music (and his omission of what’s really going on in ‘the single guys basement’ – beer party) reveals that I WAS INVITED to the BASEMENT. BUT HE DECIDED (for me) to send me with his very stressed, wedding-jittery, mother.
Oh yes, and be prepared for round 2 on the wedding night of his blatent abandonment of me (sorry, I can’t fathom why a groomsmen has ANY duties beyond the norm during the wedding night).
Okay. So. I now have a full day booked of cleaning and what-not. Tell me if I am insane for booking the first flight home as soon as cake is cut and getting the hell out of “we-don’t-like-you” dodge.
(…which, incidentally, will end the relationship with the man I’ve loved and have been living with for 3 years, and dating for 4).