Post # 1
I have read several posts lately in which SAHMs experience people judging them as stupid or uneducated. Every great once in a while I run into someone who says that sort of thing, but really it is maybe two or three times in my entire life. What I do get A LOT of is “OMG, you are so lucky” “Must be nice to be able to afford that” “If I had your life, I would be a stay at home mom too”. Maybe people are trying to be flattering but it really feels shallow when people reduce something you feel so strongly about and intentially persued down to luck. I don’t quite understand why it has to be either “you must be stupid” or “you must be wealthy”. Why can’t it just be a choice? Do any other SAHMs get the “you must be spoiled” too?
Post # 3
@MrsFuzzyFace: I think there’s a lot of women who want to be staying at home moms who can’t afford to live on only the husbands income. In this day and age, being Stay-At-Home Mom is considered a luxury to many people. Try not to let I t bother you, sounds like they’re jealous.
Post # 4
I’m not a Stay-At-Home Mom yet, but I will be and I know what you mean. For us, we made a very conscious decision to hold off on TTC until we were financially in a place where I could stay home. It was really important to me, even if it meant having our first in our 30s. It’s not luck, it’s a plan!
I haven’t heard a lot one way or another though– most of my friends are just starting to have kids, and we are all early 30s and mature enough to realize that people make the best decisions for themselves and not for everyone else.
Post # 5
I think for many women, it’s not a choice. Some want to stay home, but can’t afford to live on only one income. Others want to work, but day care cost exceeds their salary. So, if you made the choice to stay home because it’s what you want and you can pull it off, then you are lucky. What’s wrong with that?
Post # 6
@MrsFuzzyFace: Why can’t it just be a choice?
It can’t be “just a choice” because it ISN’T a choice for a lot (most, maybe?) people. Money is a finite resource and you need it to live. Most people nowadays need 2 incomes to get by. So if your husband happens to make enough that you can afford to stay home, I’d count that as luck.
What’s so wrong with smiling in response and saying, “Yes, I feel very lucky!”
Post # 7
It is ‘lucky’ in that you are fortunate that you can, and you are wealthy enough to an extent. Maybe not rich and wealthy as definied by most, but enough that you even have the option to stay at home. Maybe people simply could not no matter how they try to budget and cut corners. I dont think people really mean anything negative by it.
Post # 8
After I had my daughter I wanted SO badly to stay at home with her, but we weren’t prepared and couldn’t afford it at that point. I did tell some of my Stay-At-Home Mom friends that they were lucky or that I was jealous of them because that’s how I felt. I wanted to be at home, but we couldn’t make that work for almost two years after our first child was born.
Now that I am finally able to be a Stay-At-Home Mom, I feel incredibly lucky! We worked hard to achieve this goal, but part of it was also luck: luck that my husband has a very good, stable job, luck that we were able to find a house we could afford in a pretty expensive market, and lucky that my husband supported/encouraged me to pursue my desires to stay at home. 🙂 I don’t attribute anything we’ve achieved to 100% hard work; I think almost everything comes down to a combination of both hard work and luck!
Post # 9
@Mrs. Spring: Touche. That is definitely a statement I can agree with.
Post # 10
@AprilJo2011: “So, if you made the choice to stay home because it’s what you want and you can pull it off, then you are lucky. What’s wrong with that?”
Agreed. There are MANY people who want to stay home but aren’t able to because they as a couple will never be able to afford to live off a single income. So if one half of the couple makes enough to support a whole family on one income, there IS some luck involved there. If you’re in that position and staying home is what you want – perfect. But not everyone who wants to be a Stay-At-Home Mom can make it happen.
Post # 11
@Mrs. Spring: Agreed! I hate being at work when my 3.5 month old is at daycare, but right now we cant afford for me to stay home
Post # 12
Um, I get alot of reations. Usually, ” aw that’s so nice, eh?” I don’t often get judgements one way or the other, or maybe I just don’t notcie and/or care anymore.
Post # 13
I’ve heard slams going the other way. I was at lunch with one of my colleagues who ran into a friend from high school. They were catching up and after hearing that my colleague had her 9 month old in daycare the friend stated “Well, I choose to raise my own children instead of letting a stranger do it. I’m not one of those women who ditches her children so that Mommy can feel fulfilled at work.” I literally spewed ice tea out of my mouth. The bottom line is, we all (will) make the best decisions we can for our families and ourselves given the information and resources that we have at the time. Can’t we end the self-imposed Stay-At-Home Mom vs. working Mom battle and just support each other without judgement because it takes a village…
Be proud of your choices and best wishes!
Post # 14
@Cash000: Tehehehe, do people really put “eh?” at the end of that sentence? Because that is so awesome!
Post # 15
Yeah, usually. We’re Canadian!
Post # 16
It’s NOT a choice for most people, especially in this economy. If you are blessed enough to not have been touched by this recession and it’s only a thing that “happens to other people”, count yourself damn lucky and hope it never happens to you.