(Closed) About babies…

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

 

Don’t base your happiness around someone else’s decisions. I think if you openly welcome your daughters into your home, new baby or not, and treat them just the same – they will be none the wiser. It sounds, to me, like the other mother won’t give the same consideration that you are giving and I think the girls will appreciate your thoughtfulness and caring in the future but it’s sincerely kind of you to think about them in the process. Do what makes YOU happy, dear, and everything else will come naturally.

Post # 4
Member
2250 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@Annie1002:  You sound like an incredible mommy to those girls, they are very lucky!!

I think that maybe because you’ve been in a situation where you didn’t quite feel like you belonged or that you were intruding, you will handle it differently yourself. The girls are growing up with you, and obviously spending a lot of time at your house, so it will always feel like home to them. Having your own baby won’t make your husband’s children any less special to you, and there is no doubt in my mind that you will make sure that they always feel comfortable and welcome, because it isn’t just a place where they stay a couple of nights a week, it is their HOME.

This is getting very jumbled very quickly.. All I’m trying to say is that you love the girls and you will make it work, so please don’t forgo having a child of your own if it is something that you really want.

Post # 5
Member
8824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

a person can change in 7 years.  maybe she is ready to try again.  sorry about the girls.  but maybe with the new baby, the mother will be a better mother to her daughters.  or not.

 

if not, at some point they will realize that maybe they want to live with you and their father full time, even with your additions.

 

Post # 6
Member
7770 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I really really really admire and respect your feelings on this.  I personally think it is really hard on kids when their parents remarry and then they have a new family.  It seems like your heart is in the right place, and if you do go down that road, that you are conscious enough to not make them feel any different from the baby.  Your So “always wanted a boy” is not a good reason to have more though, because of course you can’t control that…

 

Post # 7
Member
1557 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Just based on the fact that this is a concern of yours I know you’ll make a great mother! If you have kids of your own, just make sure to make the girls feel extra special. Try to have some alone quality time with them whenever possible,  especially while your new babies are so young and won’t notice. I think if you treat everyone equally and special in their own right everyhting will be fine!

 

Post # 8
Member
354 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Annie1002:  First of all, you sound like the best step-mom ever and you seem completely genuine. Those girls are lucky to have such a great woman in their life.

Your story caught my attention because I have a friend in almost the exact same situation. She went to school to become a teacher, just graduated, and has a step-daughter. Their mothers and fathers sound exactly the same too. So funny!

Anyway, you also reminded me of this friend of mine because her and her husband have been trying to get pregnant and after two years she just found out she’s preggo! They are both over the moon.

I could probably talk with you about this for days, so I will try to keep this short. 

First off, it is great that you are really considering their feelings before making a decision either way. I would sit down with the girls and your husband if/when appropriate to ask them how they would feel about having a little brother or a little sister. See what they say. Some people may say they are only children, blah, blah, blah, but I am one of those parents who thinks communicating with your children no matter their age is very important. You may be surprised to hear what they have to say.

Even though it may seem tough for them, I think at the end of the day if both you and your husband really want to have a child; then you should. Just go into it knowing you will have to be considerate of the girls and try your hardest to never make them feel the way you say you did when you were in their shoes. 

Having a child is a wonderful thing and while I think being a step-parent is a very honorable thing to do, for a woman I do not feel that it is exactly the same.

My mom was my father’s second wife and he had two children from his previous marriage before my brother or I came along. The oldest child lived with my mom and dad and the younger one lived with her mother. They passed the children back and forth for annual visits as they lived on opposite sides of the country. My mom loved my sister (yes she’s technically my half-sister, but we do not look at eachother that way at all) and fully did the mommy role similar to the way you have. Now another factor for my parents is that my dad was 14 years older than my mom and my mom and sister are only 12 years apart. My mom never got to experience having a baby and while my dad said he wanted more kids he was concerned about his age. My mom tried to get pregnant for 4 – 5 years (my parents were kind of hippies so even though most would have sought out medical help they didn’t.) Finally my mom decided she was totally ok just being a step-mom and tried to forget about the fact that she’d never have her “own baby”. Then wouldn’t you know it within a week she was pregnant with me! :]

As I mentioned briefly, my brother and I do not view our older step-sister at all like a step-sister. We don’t call her that and we call her children our nieces/nephews, etc. She also calls my mom “mom” most of the time. Now maybe our situation weas a bit different as she lived with us, but remember due to our large age gap she was moved out and married by the time I was 5 and before my brother was even born. So my whole point is it can be done where you are all one big happy family and no one is made to feel like a second class citizen. 

I hope whatever you decide to do you follow your heart and create a very happy family environment for everyone :]

Post # 9
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

It sounds like you treat these girls like your own already. Of course you should have babies if you want them! I bet the girls will be thrilled.

 

Post # 10
Member
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It is obvious from your post that you are an exceptional step-mother. You are a wonderful person for even considering what impact having additional children would have on the girls. Clearly your experience growing up prepared you well for step-motherhood by showing you what not to do. Although at times the girls may feel like they don’t belong (even kids whose parents are married feel that way from time to time!), I am confident you will do a wonderful job making them feel included and making sure they know they are loved, appreciated, and wanted members of your family. Can you imagine how fun it will be for them to have two loving, happy homes with lots of siblings to play with? When they get older, they’ll have a big family to lean on: lots of brothers and sisters and two sets of parents! Most people aren’t so lucky. 

I say go for it! Start making those babies! You’ve already proven to be a great mother.

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