Post # 1
OK me and my best friend have been friends for 20 years and I have no sisters and we made this pac that we would be each others Maid/Matron of Honor she hasn’t been married yet so that is not the issue. But we lost touch I have been trying to get back in touch. I have even sent her a card threw snail mail saying I missed her and I wanted to “catch” up. I am the god mother to her little girl too who will be 2 in nov. But I thought it would be a little different to get a thinking of you card in the mail I mean the only cards I get in the mail are for my birthday… So a week goes by and finally I get a response about the card. “Thanks for the card” in a text message I know I know everyone text these days but maybe I just thought she would say yeah that sounds good when is good for you. Also the only time she ever calls me is when she wants something from me like a favor not to go to lunch and a cocktail nothing. Also an other thing to is I always had to go to her house to see her and I use to just stop in say hi and she never did it to me. Maybe I’m looking to into this but I am just stumped. I always thought it took 2 people to make a friendship work not just one. So what I asking is do you think it is wrong of me to give her 2 more “chances” to see if she will bite or should I just say oh well. I mean this has been bugging me for months now and I’m really not sure what to do.
Post # 3
I agree that it takes two people to make a friendship. I’ve done the same thing before, where a friend stops calling me or dropping by and I feel like I’m the only one holding up the friendship, and I usually let the friendship die just like the other person is doing. Two more chances sounds like a good idea.
Post # 4
A freindship should go both ways. I’m sorry you have to deal with something like this. My sugestion (although it might not sound good) is to do what you feel is right. Maybe ask yourself some questions like…Do you see her doing all the things that are expected of a maid of honor? do you think she’ll be there for you when you need someone to talk to? Maybe call her and ask whats up. You have plenty of time before your wedding to figure this out. But I don’t think its time to make any conrete decisions about her. I could be wrong, maybe you’ve made up your mind and you just need some input to help make your decision. I know I tend to do that sometimes on here, to get aperspective from the outside. Good Luck!!
Post # 5
@jenbrandner Ok at least it just not me and I think i’m going to do 2 more chances
@vfoster03 Bad thing to say is I really don’t think she would be there for me. And a bride needs to vent lol.
It’s really only been about her and her only. She was the sister I never did have but lately it’s different. I mean i will always be there for her no matter what but I don’t really think she would drop whats she’s doing to help me I actually know she won’t. And I do have a while still but then again I don’t want her think i’m out doing her. She’s that type.
Post # 6
My mom has had one best friend for 25 years. She occasionally jokes to my dad that this lady is her soul mate and after he dies, this lady is moving in and they plan on being old lady in a nursing home together.
A few years back I noticed that my mom hadn’t mentioned anything about her BFF in awhile and I asked her about it. She said that she felt she was always holding the friendship together, she was the one who called, who emailed, who made plans. And she wanted to see whether her BFF would reach out to her to try and sustain the relationship if my mom wasn’t doing these things. It had been 1 month and they hadn’t spoken at all and my mom was heartbroken.
A month later my mom told me they were going to NY for the weekend and I asked her if the BFF had finally broken down and called. My mom said no, actually she’d had a long internal conversation and she’d realized she wanted to have her BFF in her life and if that meant she made the calls, she was willing to do that. Once she finally called, do you know what the BFF’s response was? “I wondered why you hadn’t called me”.
Anytime I hear of people saying “I’m dropping this friend because they don’t try as hard as I do” I think of that story. Having her BFF in her life makes my mom happy, who cares if she has to put in more ‘work’ to make the relationship work? What she gets from that relationship has nothing to do with who calls who first.
If this girl is like/has been like a sister to you – are you really willing to just let that go because she ‘failed’ your 2 chances rule?
Post # 7
Have you asked her to be your Maid/Matron of Honor yet? If not, I would hold off until closer to the wedding. I think you need to tell her how you are feeling instead of keeping it bottled up. Sahsabahs has a point. Are you willing to lose someone so close because you have to work hard? Yes. A friendship takes 2 people. But are you going to be happy if she fails your 2 more chances?
Post # 8
Man girls you made me tear up. I don’t want to lose her. And it made me think. She is like a sister and I know that she knows me for me and I know her for her.. I think that is why we have stayed friends for so long. and @His Barista I have not asked her yet I just wanted to talk to her face to face and not over the phone and threw a text thats also why I have been holding out. Thank you girls this did help A LOT!